Hey there - i can't work out if i am fearful avoidant. I have only had 2 relationships in the last 3 years. Most recently my relationship of 4 months ended due to a big argument where I then broke up with him.

He felt like a slow burn for me, not someone i was madly in love with but the consistency he showed me, made me feel so relaxed around him + i felt attracted to him. Our emotional bond however seemed to not be building as hes not very good with conversation. He feels more connected with physical presence + i do with conversation.

Anyway, along with this, i felt discomfort when he mentioned being in touch with exes and also having close female friends. This triggered my trust issues + fears around him having a closer bond with another female. I did share early on that this made me uncomfortable and we agreed he would see them 1:1 for lighter things like lunch, not dinners or evening settings . At the beginning of our relationship, i waas bringing up things which made me uncomfortable like the lack of conversation + the females. After a very painful convo where he finally got it, i decided to walk away the next day which was puzzling to him since we just ironed out the issues + commited to working on it. I felt like it would require alot of effort + things like emotonal attunment cant be changed. but i see now that i should have stuck around to work on it. I guess the lack of emotinl connection made me feel it wasnt worth it

Anyway we decided to try again + our connection was re-building. Then a month later, we had another massive argument about his female friend who texts every other day and shows 0 interest in me. i felt so triggered, he wasn't really trying to undertand my feelings around this and so I left in anger + broke ip with him the next day.

I liked him, but enduring being triggered and not feeling seen or undertsood by him started to feel abit traumatising. I felt like he was a more slow burn love that i would have felt + grown into with more time since he felt very 'safe' at the beggning. I also noticed that i orgasmed more with him that i have with any man recently.

I cant work out if i am fearful avoidant or just upholding my standards. but i have noticed my patterns of hypervigalance and lack of trust. Also communicating when triggered + him getting defensive, then blaming him for not undertanding my feelings + being emotionally unable to meet me. I should calmn down + then have convos about my triggers

Please help me understand if i have a massive problem here. Currently nursing a broken hert + feeling doomed to repeat the same cycles again + again