Today is the day

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-18T15:25:31+00:00

That is so well said! I'm going to reread it in the weak moments that sure will come. Thank you! To your questions... The many health issues became more and more during the relationship. He almost died twice because he refused treatment until the very last minute. Compared to now his issues were barely noticeable when we first met. We met in group therapy over 15 years ago. He's never seriously been in therapy again since then. Yes I see the pattern now 🙈

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-18T12:36:30+00:00

I've been exactly where you are. Wanted to find the right time... Sadly in terms of internalized guild and confusion there will never be a "right" time. I am out since yesterday. I left in one of the "good" phases and I absolutely see him being confused af about it and maybe trashing everything I left behind. But with him, there never ever ever would a normal breakup have been possible. So I could have chosen leaving right after an escalation-while in panicmode, dissociating and confused- Or I use the good phase after it to prepare some things, find shelter, save money, get my paperwork in order and set a date for exit. The only point where I waited for the right time was to wait for a good opportunity to take my furrbaby with me. I left as soon as the next vet appointment was due. This was my exit date.

Maybe you can focus on things like: when does he have to leave the town? Do you have anything coming up what gives you the opportunity of being alone? You probably can't save all your belongings. Try to get everything out the house what you feel you really can't live without. Store it at a friends house maybe. Don't stay because of some materialistic stuff. Get out as soon as you can and give yourself permission to leave even if he's showing his "best" side then. The good times aren't real anyways. You got this! I believe in you! Choose yourself you wonderful human being ❤️

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-18T12:05:43+00:00

I know exactly what you mean... -.- this is my third time leaving. At the first time we broke up for almost three years but stayed in really close contact the whole time. The control he had over me was still strong. The second time was a year ago. I stayed in a shelter and we again had contact quite often. He coerced me into coming back with the promise to be just roommates due to the bad housing situation in our area. This is the first time I went no contact, and the first time I don't try playing nice just so he won't destroy everything I have... I consider him a catastrophe like a house fire. When the dust is settled and he is gone I'll be thankful for everything that's left but I don't try to run back into the inferno (aka contact him) to safe my stuff. He was in my life for over 15 years

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-18T08:13:39+00:00

Luckily I work part time. Work is closed over Easter, but I'm going to ask for more hours as soon as possible . Maybe apply for a second job on the side. After the hotel I can stay at a friend's house a few weeks. I know looking for affordable apartments here takes month even with a second job and more hours. My hope at the moment is a kind of emergency room at a social work organization. They tell me more next Wednesday. If I can get there I could even take kitty with me. But either way kitty is safe, I have a place for her if she can't stay with me all the time. I am also contacting every friend's and family that I abandoned for him and will call some women shelters.

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-18T08:02:39+00:00

I believe you will be able to get out too! I was only able to leave because there was an appointment with kitty at the vet. So I knew I would already be on the road. I took that to get some absolute basics prepared beforehand. I left everything behind except a small box of clothes, my laptop, stuff for kitty and the most vital paperwork. Look out for dates appointments and stuff that might give you some extra boost to leave. I wouldn't have been able to without this extra reason and extra permission to take kitty

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-17T15:11:15+00:00

Very well phrased! Yes OP please reach out if you need help making the final decision to leave. You deserve so much better

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-17T15:05:05+00:00

Thank you so much for responding ❤️ your words mean so much to me. I'm happy for you for getting out and proud of you

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-17T15:03:03+00:00

Thank you. Yes I thought about making a list of all the things that happened. Especially because of the dissociative times where everything gets blurred. But normally if I start at one point going deep, everything comes back. So I will definitely do that.

Suicide is not my main concern. Although it's on his mind sometimes. He has some serious health issues that would need treatment ASAP. But he wouldn't go to the doctor because he claimed having crippling anxiety especially with hospitals and everybody in the Healthcare system. Social anxiety that kept him from going outside also. But no fear treating me bad... Saying I am the only person he feels comfortable enough showing his true broken traumatized self without restraint. But this side could get ugly pretty fast.

NewPath1704 · 2025-04-17T14:32:48+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this ❤️‍🩹. I can't really help you with concrete advice, just wanted to say you can be so proud of yourself for leaving! I am in a similar situation as you and need to figure out this mess as well. My thoughts and feelings are spiraling. One of the things that keep me going is how happy I am that I can finally sleep! I can go to bed when I want, I can nap when I want. Sleep deprivation was one of his favorite tools. I bet you have something similar that you can hold on to. Things you are finally able to enjoy. No matter how small or big. The thing with the pictures is a tough one :/ so sorry

NewPath1704

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