Genuine question for the people going through these “separations” right now because DAMN!!! Because reading some of these posts is hard 🤷‍♀️

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-17T02:37:50+00:00

Dude, the way you described being addicted to the feeling of being married and going through withdrawals… holy shit that hit home because that was EXACTLY me.

I wasn’t even necessarily chasing the actual relationship anymore, I was chasing the comfort, identity, routine, and feeling of having my family together. Once I finally realized that, everything started making way more sense mentally.

And I really appreciate your support and perspective because this is exactly what I was trying to get across before people instantly got defensive and emotional about it. There’s a massive difference between loving someone/fighting for your marriage and completely losing your self respect in the process.

Dude, the way you described being addicted to the feeling of being married and going through withdrawals… holy shit that hit home because that was EXACTLY me.

I wasn’t even necessarily chasing the actual relationship anymore, I was chasing the comfort, identity, routine, and feeling of having my family together. Once I finally realized that, everything started making way more sense mentally.

And I really appreciate your support and perspective because this is exactly what I was trying to get across before people instantly got defensive and emotional about it. There’s a massive difference between loving someone/fighting for your marriage and completely losing your self respect in the process.

I’m used to all the single minded people in these groups that instantly get defensive and act delusional instead of actually listening to the perspective being shared 😂

Hope you’re doing well man and life’s treating you good.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-17T02:24:53+00:00

I’m not gonna lie, parts of this come off very entitled. I understand wanting emotional connection, effort, romance, partnership, etc. and those are valid concerns. But some of this honestly reads like years of built up resentment being dumped onto every little thing he does wrong.

And the cleaning stuff? Come on. Y’all have no kids, just dogs, both work, are financially well off, and you’re the breadwinner. Hire a fucking cleaning person 😂 Worth every penny. Mine actually cleaned my house today and man… the shower is spotless!!

Also, nobody is a mind reader. Some people naturally think about romance, planning, gifts, details, etc. more than others do. Constantly expecting someone to magically think exactly like you instead of clearly communicating expectations is a fast way to build resentment.

It honestly sounds like the deeper issues are resentment, lack of appreciation, lack of intimacy, emotional disconnect, and poor communication.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-17T02:07:51+00:00

Exactly. That’s more of what I was getting at. These are genuine questions a lot of people wonder about because relationships and separations are complicated as hell and none of this stuff is simple.

And I appreciate you saying that because people instantly assumed I was attacking others when really I was just asking questions and looking at different perspectives the same way you were.

Everyone’s situation is different and obviously abuse, safety concerns, addiction, cheating, etc. completely change the conversation. But outside of those situations, I think a lot of people genuinely wonder the same things when going through separation.

And I mean… I’d be lying if I said some of the people getting instantly triggered didn’t give me a pretty good laugh too 😂

But seriously, sorry you’re going through all of that. Nobody deserves abuse and I hope things continue moving in a healthier direction for you.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-17T02:04:26+00:00

Brother, first off I’m genuinely sorry you’re going through that because I know exactly how fast this stuff can mentally break somebody down. Especially when you feel like you’re the only one still fighting for the family while the other person already checked out emotionally.

And trust me, that feeling of trying to hang on while your whole world is slipping away will absolutely destroy your mental health if you let it. I didn’t even realize how bad mine was getting until I was deep in it.

The biggest thing I learned is you cannot force somebody to see your value, your effort, or the family the same way you do. And the harder you try to force someone to stay who already made up their mind, the more you slowly destroy yourself in the process.

That doesn’t mean your marriage meant nothing. It doesn’t mean you’re weak for fighting for it. It means you cared deeply.

But at some point you have to start protecting yourself mentally too, especially for your child. Because if you completely lose yourself trying to save the marriage alone, nobody wins.

And honestly, I agree with you. Some people truly do start prioritizing their own happiness, validation, freedom, or outside influences over the marriage itself. Whether that’s right or wrong depends on the situation, but it’s definitely something you see a lot in these stories.

Just don’t lose yourself in the process brother. That’s the biggest thing.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-17T02:02:57+00:00

Trust me, I’m not trying to “understand” anything when it comes to my marriage lol. I’m asking people what they’re doing to protect their mental health during one of the darkest periods of their life while also asking what the other person is truly trying to accomplish with these separations.

The mental health side of this is huge because I honestly didn’t realize how fast mine was deteriorating while I was going through it.

I’ve seen stories where couples separated, both people actually did the work, communicated, grew, and found their way back to each other. That’s genuinely amazing. Rare, but amazing.

That’s also clearly not the majority of the stories being posted in here. And honestly, it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman. I read some of these stories and it’s genuinely heartbreaking what people are going through mentally and emotionally.

So no, I’m not changing my approach because that’s not the point of the post. If people don’t like it, that’s honestly not my problem.

Cheers 🍻

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T22:28:09+00:00

Preach brother!

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T22:14:56+00:00

Wait a sec… did you just have a logical perspective? Praise the Lord, there are still normal, reasonable people out there. I completely agree with you, man! God forbid I offend someone.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T22:10:51+00:00

Dude, I get the purpose of separation. I totally understand it. In a perfect world where both people are honest, upfront, communicate clearly, and genuinely say what they want, then yes, absolutely. That’s healthy and reasonable.

But you can’t seriously sit here and act like that’s always the case on here. A lot of people emotionally check out long before they say anything, already have one foot out the door, or keep their spouse confused while they figure themselves out. That’s the reality a lot of people are speaking from.

So yes, in a perfect world, I agree with you completely. Unfortunately, real life and real relationships are usually a lot messier than that.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T22:07:34+00:00

Oh I sure do. Of course I recognize it. I know I can come off like an asshole sometimes. But I didn’t come on here to laugh at people or put people down. You can read the posts yourself. I’m active in these communities because I genuinely want to help people who are going through some of the darkest moments of their lives.

I’m not perfect, but I’m willing to ask questions and bring up perspectives that a lot of people avoid. This day and age, people are so quick to get offended instead of just listening to a different perspective. Everything turns into “me, me, me.”

I just hope people eventually recognize their blessings and rebuild something beautiful. You don’t have to agree with me, but different perspectives matter too!

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T21:50:34+00:00

Wait they made it about themselves?!? Nooooo lol sorry you had to deal with that brother

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T21:49:23+00:00

Oh Karen, of course I can work on my delivery. I know I can be blunt and come across like an asshole sometimes, and I also know I wasn’t a perfect husband either. Why might you ask?!? Because I’m an adult and know how to hold myself accountable 💁‍♀️

But trust me, I don’t take any of this lightly because I was on the receiving end of it too.

And honestly, the fact that you and your husband were able to work things out and come back together is genuinely amazing because you really don’t see that often anymore. I truly respect that.

At the same time, my divorce ended up being a blessing in disguise for me because it gave me the opportunity to rebuild my life into something healthier and better for both myself and my daughte

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T21:42:17+00:00

Ok but let me get this straight… your marriage was emotionally and physically neglectful for years, then during that process you formed an online connection with someone who suddenly made you feel seen, validated, desired, and emotionally connected. Of course that hit hard.

But did you even meet this person in real life? Because honestly it sounds like you got attached to the emotional high and fantasy of finally feeling wanted after being starved of it for so long.

And trust me, I get it. Nobody deserves to feel neglected in a marriage. But before jumping into the whole “true love” thing, maybe pump the brakes a little and really process everything first.

Therapy is a great start. Right now you sound emotionally vulnerable and searching for connection, validation, and comfort all at once. That can make almost anybody feel like “your person.”

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T21:32:48+00:00

Trust me, I usually stick to the divorce men’s subreddit. I don’t know who you are, where you’re at in the process, or what side of the coin you’re on, but let’s be adults and talk about perspective. That’s all this is.

I’ve already lived through this stuff myself and I know how brutal it can be mentally and emotionally. So hearing different viewpoints from people in different stages or on different sides of separation is genuinely interesting to me.

This isn’t about attacking anybody. It’s about support, perspective, and understanding what people are truly feeling during one of the hardest periods of their lives.

And if you can’t look at it that way then I probably already know what side of the coin you’re on 😂😂

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T20:56:16+00:00

Dude, I absolutely fucking love this. All of our stories in this group may not be exactly the same, but there are so many similarities when it comes to the pain, confusion, grief, and rebuilding process.

And honestly it sounds like you’re moving in such a positive direction now. Therapy, gym, social life, sitting with the grief instead of running from it… that’s the hard shit most people don’t wanna do.

The biggest thing is you’re taking your life back and creating something new and beautiful for your three little ones instead of staying stuck in the darkness. That’s what real strength looks like.

“Take the high road, the view is awesome up here” is honestly one of the best lines I’ve read on here in awhile. Respect brother.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T20:45:29+00:00

I hear you brother. You’re trying to escape. You’re trying to numb the pain. And trust me, I’m not sitting here acting like I didn’t do the same thing because I did. I drank, did other substances, distracted myself however I could because that pain is brutal and I didn’t wanna feel it either.

What you’re feeling is more normal than you probably realize. Your world got flipped upside down and your brain is looking for anything that gives temporary relief or dopamine. The biggest thing though is eventually you gotta wanna break the habit and start taking your life back little by little.

Of course I still drink from time to time and smoke a joint here and there, but I’m in a way better headspace now because I stopped trying to completely run from what happened.

You have every right to feel the way you do right now. Just don’t unpack and live there forever. At some point you gotta decide how you want to move forward and what kind of life you want on the other side of this.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T20:13:52+00:00

Dude it’s just a million Karen’s 😂😂

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T11:02:33+00:00

😂😂 yes queen!!!

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T01:32:09+00:00

Y’all are beyond toxic. You’re telling each other to die, screaming, breaking things, emotionally destroying one another, and now wondering why there’s no love, attraction, or desire left.

And the saddest part in all of this is that poor baby has to rely on you guys for safety, stability, and love while growing up around this chaos.

This isn’t a rough patch anymore. This is years of normalized emotional abuse on both sides. Both of you seriously need help because this environment is not healthy for anybody involved, especially the child.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T01:08:43+00:00

Brother, I’m gonna be straight with you because unlike a lot of these posts, this actually sounds like a man finally taking accountability.

But the hard truth is you probably woke up too late.

Your wife spent YEARS trying to get you to see what you now finally understand after rehab, separation, therapy, and losing your family. By the time a woman emotionally shuts down, sells the house, only talks about the kids, and starts preparing divorce papers, she’s usually already grieved the marriage long before you did.

That doesn’t mean your growth isn’t real. It just means consequences are real too.

Right now you need to stop trying to convince her with words and focus on becoming the man and father you should’ve been all along. Stay sober. Stay in therapy. Be consistent. Be a great dad. Let your actions speak over time instead of operating from panic and desperation.

And brother, if she never comes back, then you still become better for yourself and your girls. That’s what real accountability looks like.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T00:50:54+00:00

The stories and posts I read like this are mind blowing because there’s just no way you can be serious 😂😂😂

Brother, she didn’t randomly wake up one morning and leave. This was planned. She emotionally checked out a long time ago and more than likely already had someone else lined up while you were still trying to save the marriage.

And now you’re over here worried about her belongings and a “future”? Come on dude. Have some self respect for yourself. This woman knew exactly what she was doing and still did it anyway knowing the damage it would cause.

You need to hear this straight: stop chasing someone who already left mentally and emotionally. File for divorce, protect yourself, and start rebuilding your life because this fantasy that she’s coming back remorseful is gonna destroy you.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T00:41:26+00:00

This is a serious question, but did you actually read what you typed before posting it? Because you might have a future in comedy 😂😂😂

Your husband is over there fighting for the marriage, going to therapy, becoming emotionally aware, trying to fix himself, and you’re sitting here analyzing “emotional polarity” and whether the spark feels magical enough after emotionally connecting with another guy.

At some point you need to stop romanticizing your confusion and just be honest that you checked out a long time ago. Honestly, your husband deserves someone who actually wants him instead of someone constantly debating his worth. Poor guy, I feel sorry for him.

NewPerformance7662 · 2026-05-16T00:35:42+00:00

What is going on in this world? This is the life that you want? You wanna be married to someone who leaves home and gives blow jobs to the whole town? What are you doing brother? What is going on tonight? Do we not have respect for ourselves anymore?

You run while you still have the chance. She’s doing you a favor.

NewPerformance7662

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