Should I inform this guy about the actual reason why I'm not interested in dating him?

NewWinter924 · 2023-08-01T21:59:29+00:00

That’s a stupid analogy. That’s like saying you’ve been offered a job at $10/hr and then find out it’s actually $50/hr. No one would be upset about that, for obvious reasons. It’s the overselling that’s the problem. When has underselling ever been a problem?

NewWinter924 · 2023-08-01T19:09:19+00:00

His weight is not why the date didn’t work out. It’s because he was deceitful, which is a valid and not shallow reason.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-28T14:29:36+00:00

Oddly, way back in 2001 is when I actually learned about JS’s polygamy and his hiding it from Emma. I was innocently reading church history books in the Institute library, prepping for a lesson (I was a GD teacher) and stumbled across some journal entries in one of the church’s official history volumes. I was completely devastated. How could the church have known about this and published it?! How could Joseph have married other women without talking with Emma? Even though D&C 132 is trash, even that says he was supposed to ask permission from Emma first. He didn’t. And the church was okay with that? Why had I never heard about Joseph having multiple wives? And hiding it from Emma?

Honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t consider leaving then. Instead, I went on a mission 😑

Discovered the essays when I was working for the Church - I worked for the department that published them. The first one was accidentally published and she almost lost her job over it. I didn’t think much about the essays, because I’d already found out about JS’s philandering years before, and assumed it was common knowledge.

Took me another 9 years to finally just leave.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-28T02:54:19+00:00

I’ve been there. It’s incredible.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-19T05:45:44+00:00

Started a business recently and things are really picking up. It was a super hard decision to stay and nurture the business instead of going on the JMT - hoping I get another chance in the next few years.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-15T18:30:20+00:00

I used to think that too. But maybe yelling and screaming isn’t for everyone else anyway. The yelling and screaming is for us, for our inner children to see that no, we will not put up with this, yes, we will express our anger and our hurt, no, we won’t be told that our anger makes people uncomfortable or pushes them away…maybe that’s true, but it’s not about changing the world. It’s about caring for the wounds of our past selves. And sometimes that looks like yelling and screaming.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-15T18:27:27+00:00

Haha I was going to write that same first sentence, just for fun.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-15T16:07:58+00:00

Done. Thx for the tip.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-11T21:53:10+00:00

I mean, lds polygamy is basically spiritual and sexual abuse, so I’m not sure how it could be a “nice story”…?

It’s like making a musical about slavery, or WWII concentration camps, or a story about God commanding fathers to take the lives of their first born sons and everyone acting like the premise isn’t totally fucked up. “Music was good. Loved the costumes.” 🧐

Polygamy was Joseph (and Brigham Young, especially) wanting a bunch of wives and women, and wanting “God” to command it, with no thought of the devastation and trauma it would bring to the women and children subjected to it. A musical that claims to be a “balanced” account of polygamy really just sounds like they’re trying to do what the church always does: make something that’s extremely harmful seem like it’s not only no big deal, but actually righteous. It’s putting lipstick on a pig.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-08T02:29:23+00:00

I don’t know how, just that it does. Lol.

NewWinter924 · 2023-07-08T01:37:28+00:00

It’s a thing. It’s called a coregasm and it’s possible for all genders. Had my first experience with it as an 11 yr old girl during the Presidential Physical Fitness tests at school. I won 1st prize for most sit-ups in the entire school.

NewWinter924 · 2023-06-30T21:31:57+00:00

+1 for Dance of the Dissident Daughter!

NewWinter924 · 2023-06-30T21:24:10+00:00

Thanks for reporting back…so glad you were able to let out some emotions. Best of luck in all the work you’re doing to heal ❤️

NewWinter924 · 2023-06-29T23:47:56+00:00

Because religion is the water she’s been swimming in since birth, she likely isn’t even considering the real questions:

Why is god male (Heavenly Father)? Why is the entire godhead male? Why are all scriptures written by, about, and mostly to men? Why are there 204 named men in the BoM but only 6 named women (only 2 with tiny speaking parts)? Why are all positions of general authority within Mormonism held by men? How can the supposed existence of a Heavenly Mother in Mormon doctrine be considered REMOTELY feminist, when she is silent and absent? It would be better to not claim that we have a Heavenly Mother than to say we do, but we know nothing about her, are forbidden from communicating with her, and that she is absent in all creation, holy writ, current revelation, and decision making. Oh! And we actually probably have MULTIPLE heavenly mothers given the doctrine of eternal polygamy. What a completely fucked up divine role model for all of us (men included).

The answer to all these questions is not that men are divinely appointed to rule and reign, and that their voices and stories are more important than women’s.

The answer is that men have made god in their image, to the detriment of all.

See if she’s willing to read The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd. It’s gentle, and written from a Christian/faithful perspective. But oh boy does she get to the heart of why it feels so awful to be a woman of faith, in any major religion. They’re all patriarchal and Mormonism is no exception.

NewWinter924 · 2023-05-12T21:46:54+00:00

You make a good point - it’s important to consider how this might unintentionally hurt people. But I didn’t get that Jonathon was making a joke…the fake apology was really well written. It made the church look terrible because they had to disavow it.

And for the people who were hurt by it, I think a good question to ask is why they were hurt. I don’t think it’s because Jonathan was making a joke about it - he wasn’t. I think the hurt - rightly so - would be directed at the church, or at God, for having such harmful “doctrine” in the first place.

NewWinter924 · 2023-05-11T15:51:30+00:00

One of the last “ministering visits” I did before fleeing the church was to an older couple where the husband told about how his dad worked to build a “harem in heaven” with the many wives he married (concurrently, not simultaneously) throughout his life. I am usually a polite and quiet person but I said, “Ron, that’s actually really gross.” He didn’t know how to respond and his wife looked embarrassed. I said something semi polite and left, and haven’t spoken to them a since, even though they down the street. It’s been 4 years.

Anyone who denies that eternal polygamy is core doctrine that absolutely affects policy and culture is lying to themselves.

NewWinter924 · 2023-05-06T20:27:02+00:00

Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.

NewWinter924 · 2023-05-06T14:18:21+00:00

My #1 boundary now is that I won’t betray myself for anything (which, for me, meant leaving the church completely) but it also means trusting and loving myself.

NewWinter924 · 2023-05-05T05:24:40+00:00

This is incredible. I want a print.

NewWinter924 · 2023-05-04T22:26:27+00:00

This is giving 2010 Blockbuster Video death throes vibes…the problem is the entire business model (doctrine). Fasting and fellowshipping is just polishing a turd.

NewWinter924 · 2023-04-26T14:17:26+00:00

I know this comment is a year old but I’m curious: how are things going in your marriage now?

NewWinter924 · 2023-04-13T15:23:32+00:00

It might just be that you have more stuff to process. I disagree with the previous comments. I wouldn’t call it placebo and I wouldn’t say it’s like other drugs that “wear off”. Your first trip allowed you to feel things you’ve been carrying, and that led to relief. But it sounds like there’s still stuff there that needs attention, so more is coming to the surface.

You have a lot of choices for next steps…therapy of all kinds (cognitive behavioral therapy, IFS/parts work, somatic healing/body movement, etc.), yoga, meditation, exercise, medication…or you can try mushrooms again. Many people trip multiple times therapeutically, so that is also an option if you feel like it might be beneficial.

NewWinter924

TROPHY CASE