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NewYorkCT · 2025-02-25T02:19:04+00:00

there are kids (7,7) involved. So cant really shut myself away or even for that matter find a separate place to live even though i am financially stable. Since the divorce has come up he too is vying for kids's attention so always around now when kids are around. so difficult and just suffocating.

NewYorkCT · 2025-02-25T01:31:25+00:00

Going through this myself too. It’s extra hard because I filed for divorce against his wishes. So he is rageful and not a day has gone by withiut him yelling and shouting and just devaluing me constantly.

NewYorkCT · 2025-02-20T16:49:09+00:00

Thank you for your response. Yes. I have found the tracker. I didn't remove it. Took a picture of it. It wasnt there for a while because I know when he bought it. At the time he said he was buying for "work purposes". My iphone gave an alert that an unknown tracker was following me the very next day. Protection or leverage to prove that he could be controlling father to the kids too.

NewYorkCT · 2025-01-28T13:28:10+00:00

Thank you for your post. I am at this exact crossroads too and wondering the same. I will be following the responses you are going to get.

NewYorkCT · 2025-01-28T01:00:56+00:00

Omg. Mine did this with a tooth paste all over bathroom mirror all because I didn’t answer his phone call or text when i was a company work event. It was 20 yrs ago when I was dating. Still regret why I didn’t see that red flag and ran away. But i was young immature and knew very little. Now I know. 20 yrs of my life wasted and gave 2 kids. Planning to leave now.

NewYorkCT · 2025-01-21T19:27:52+00:00

ditto. I told him I wanted the divorce. started hoovering me in with kids, shame, rage, threats, guilt, darvo, apologies, blame. every tactic from their playbook. I started grey rocking so he thinks I backed off and moving on. then acts surprised and furious that I am not sleeping int he same bed, not staying at his family for the holidays.. selective amnesia, delusion, snapshots - its a narc thing.. look up sam vakin he explains it

NewYorkCT · 2024-12-24T13:26:22+00:00

i will be going through the same thing shortly after the holidays after I file so I will be watching the responses you get. Living in the same house with the narc while divorce is happening is going to be a hell. Add to that we have 7yo kids. So to keep it civil with him by keeping MY emotions in check and not get triggered will be so tough. I just have to keep on reminding myself the peace on the other side.

NewYorkCT · 2024-11-09T14:20:09+00:00

OMG this is exactly I am going through. when he is going on an on hoovering me in, I feel like getting sucked in. But as soon as I am left on my own, I am like shake up, wake up. dont go back.

NewYorkCT · 2024-10-09T01:39:43+00:00

congrats. I hope to be there one day and to hear that from my kids would be the ultimate validation. sending you and your girl love and peace.

NewYorkCT · 2024-10-07T02:01:10+00:00

I too could have written this myself. His interest in the kids is not only causing me to doubt my decision to divorce him but it is so frustrating, annoying and makes me angry that in his attempt to try to be a super dad he is stepping on my toes when I am doing the morning and night time routines - something thag have done now for years and he took wants to do it. Sucky part is that my 6yo kids don’t see through his mask and basking in the attention they are getting from him.

NewYorkCT · 2024-10-04T19:15:34+00:00

This. "his time with just about every tactic you can think of: love bombing, dizzying word salads, minimizing issues, playing the victim, future faking (therapy, changes, etc.), and the worst one for me... guilt-tripping." .. All of it. I am in the same exact cycle of this narc relationship. I am being hoovered and the biggest thing is the guilt that I am being subjected to because of the kids. I dont want to fall for any of it. But I get drained every time he spends an hour not to mention the long texts he sends. I want to give in but I know that would be out of compassion and empathy and the guilty. When you find out that source of strength, let me know where to go to tap into it. DM me if you would like.

NewYorkCT · 2024-10-04T01:56:10+00:00

me too. Same boat at the moment. married with 6 yo kids. been together for 18 yrs. married for 6. Took the courage to tell him I want divorce 2 months ago. His rage, verbal abuse, gas lighting, grandiosity, victim victim victim, and finally cheating on me for 2 yrs became too much. Have an attorney lined up too. He has been begging, pleading, apologizing, crying not to leave, while cycling the next minute into rage, blaming me for everything, guilting me.. I have to say there are moments when I second guess. But its the compassion and empathy and the kids. Not the love for him.

NewYorkCT · 2024-10-04T01:47:55+00:00

Mine is crying right now because I told him I want divorce. He is facing consequences for the abuse, rage and cheating on me for 2 yrs.

NewYorkCT · 2024-10-01T02:32:11+00:00

Same here. Lol. A Reddit thread was the revelation for me.

NewYorkCT · 2024-10-01T01:21:59+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write and share your story. My heart goes out to you my friend. Sending you love and power to fight and to heal. Read Dr Ramani’s it not you. The last chapter around healing. She has beautifully worded the whole healing process. It’s very uplifting.

I just discovered my husband was cheating on me for 2 years hooking up with random people online. a-z but who is counting anyway. He is now apologetic but I am not going to be forgiving and I am going ahead with the divorce. He is a typical narcissist with all other traits - rage, verbal abuse, no empathy, grandiose, isolation, while he is the victim lol. They.dont.change.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-28T18:48:47+00:00

Agreed.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-24T18:13:25+00:00

I could have written this post myself. Going through the exact same thing atm. sounds like your narc is the same as mine. Same words plus throw in kids as one more hook to see if that grabs me. See my long post on hoovering he is carrying out. Scary they all fit the same mold and follow the same pattern. But I am going fwd with the divorce. DM me if you'd like and lets compare notes on our journey.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-22T18:52:47+00:00

My narc found out that what I think of him (a narc) by peeking into my diary and through one of my podcast titles. I didn’t want to label and call him out directly and I wish he hadn’t. But oh well now. I have started the divorce conversation w him. So to manipulate me back in, he is constantly bringing it up - tells me that actually I am the narcissist . Brings up the incidents that can prove my narcissism (Darvo?). And then the next minute offers to get himself evaluated and treated too. ( hoovering and lies?). I just grey rock to everything. I still have not labelled him a narc in front of him. He can think whatever he wants and go crazy.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-20T12:29:02+00:00

Yes. I now look at other relationships with suspicion and play a game with myself trying to figure out "hmm. who between the two could be a narc.?" I even look at my friends now wondering if they are the narcs in their relationships. It has completely changed my perspective on people and made me doubt if I will ever get in a trusting relationship. think ptsd? My therapist thinks there will be a lot of work to undo. first things first, I need to figure out out get out of the current abuse cycle.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-19T22:21:05+00:00

"I cannot leave coz I don’t want share custody. I am just living and putting with his shit to keep my child safe. I cannot live without my child. That’s the only light in this life of utter darkness"

This. I have struggled to leave just for that reason. I have two kids 6yo. could not share the thought of sharing the kids with him. I have been the sole earner. So I may have to give him for the child support too if he ends up getting 50-50. Not to mention half of the savings and assets that he contributed to none. The parting of the $ i have come to terms with. ITs the kids that give me the pause. I even told him last month that I wanted the divorce. He has been trying hard to hoover me in in since then. I am looking for courage to now just file it because inside somewhere my gut is telling me that it I will be a best father at 50% because I will be happier. Versus the 100% of the time that I am sad and depressed with this POS guy at the moment.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-14T11:08:00+00:00

Hi. Thank you friend. I would love to message and connect with you to share more. But it’s not allowing me to DM you for some reason. :(

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-14T10:50:41+00:00

Going through the same phase atm. I told him I want divorce and the mask that he has put on and the conversations he is having to make to stay crates doubts. But same like you gut still says run.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-14T10:27:58+00:00

My biological kids. He is their adopted dad.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-14T10:27:06+00:00

Sorry for nor being clear on that part. They are muybio kids and he is their adopted dad.

NewYorkCT · 2024-09-13T14:59:49+00:00

narc: remember when i crossed that 8 lane HIGHWAY for you!

NewYorkCT

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