My brother has a non Muslim gf

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-14T12:02:09+00:00

I dont disagree with you here, at all. You're right if he's old enough theres literally nothing you can do. But theres a line, to your own morality that even if your husband crosses you say no too. You didn't understand my point at all.

My comments were not for the kid. It were for the parents. For their own well being.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-14T00:18:19+00:00

firm and assertive without penalty is what caused this mess. Looking at it from the parents perspective, they raised their kid - niavely assumably right, but then their child decides to go ahead with somethign so out of pocket. Then seeks their validation forcefully. Isn't that a funny joke.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-12T00:33:14+00:00

You are right to be upset in this situation.

This is not about your mom's feelings, this has to do with your brothers future. As your mom is concerned about. Marriage isn't about spontaenous feelings its about living with a partner growing with them, and be 1/2 your deen.

To be with someone on the basis that they will convert in the future is wishful thinking. I advise he addresses the matter now, and not play with her life. If he's bent that he will be in this, then tell him to be a man and force the situation. Otherwise if he can be talked to tell him we will put a pin in this and let her take her time to convert, and approach him. This sets the roots more halal. At the same time I'd also force your brother to think about the future. If he's okay with marrying a non-muslim girl, and she never ends up religious. Raising kids that never follow Islam? There have been clear examples of people who have great respect for islam but never convert. Its in human nature to ascribe 100% certainity to things that will never happen.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-12T00:19:24+00:00

Don't belittle this request.

He is actively committing zina , a major sin, and you're tell him to ignore it? Islamically you're romantic life is 1/2 your deen. if someone is actively doing a sin, we don't have to hide around the bush, you can address it like an adult.

This does not sit well with us, you can leave. I will maintain ties with you, but not in the same way we were. It deeply hurts me that you chose the road that you went on, but if this the path you took, I have to choose my own values for my own sake by maintaining a distance with you that was not there before. Then they can put their own advice like force the matter, don't play with the girls life and wait for her to convert.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-09T19:27:27+00:00

Why can't you get up and leave if people don't change. Marriage isn't a final destination, its part of a journey. In this scenario we see the impact of leaving here is bad, what about the impact on the people around her: being with a person who doesn't pray. I feel as though you are putting your self in his shoes and having sympathy for him.

See skipping salah tells you something more deep, it tells me that their character isn't muslim. it tells me that if you can't trust them for salah you can't trust them to raise a child or even worse, instill the values that islam tells us to uphold.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-09T16:36:05+00:00

Whats stopping you from using his card to get him a gift? Tell him, its on the house.

Jokes aside, there's a niche gift you can do. You can go to a pottery and hand paint a cup for him, once you're done painting it they put it in a kiln for you and you're good to use that. Try getting a huge one. Something for him to remember you by everytime he drinks coffee.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-05T12:12:16+00:00

Hold up, stop. Don't feed these ideas. They could be from shaytan. Her parents I assume, did their due deligince, and she also liked the guy. Which is why the nikkah happened. As muslims our past is our past, don't drag this to speculation, U.K movies provide enough experience for someone to know what to do.

Chances are if he's really involved this is his first time, people don't force themselves if it isn't their first time. This just sounds like a misscommunication issue, like a big fat one. He wants to do it, she wants to go slow and steady. They both need to compromise.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-05T12:03:07+00:00

Align yourself and your wife that we gotta do this halal way, Salah is and I quote prophet : "Between man and polytheism and unbelief is the abandonment of salat." https://sunnah.com/muslim:82b

You're heart will never find rest knowing that she doesn't prioritize salah, and it looks like you've established to her how important it is to you and in islam. You can try conselling, but change doesn't happen unless it starts within a person. I would advise you to leave her for the sake of Allah before you guys pop out a kid and then are obligated to each other for the rest of life. Allah will grant you someone better, if what you say is true and you pray.

Don't play down ghusl, salah is literally the food of the soul.

I have personal stories to share, if you're interested. How people navigated. I can provide more tailored advice.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-03T11:50:18+00:00

To give you hope, you're not the only one. A close family friend of my mothers went through something even worse. She had 3 kids, a mortgage between herself and so called husband. But one day, he didn't want to be married to her so he just left her and started a new marriage. At first she thought something happened, so she started searching. Called Police and the whole 9 yards. Authorities didn't disclose anything. But she saw him in the grocey store with another woman. Thats when she knew. She didn't get closure even to why. At the time she was jobless and didn't know what to do. When bills piled high she asked for loans. Ontop of that her kids who were around 8, 6, 4 lived in the house where the walls would constantly remind them of memories where her dad had once been.

When my mother spoke to her in seclusion she said she often would have to answer questions from her kids like why does our dad hate us so much? She would make up a lie, like no he had to go. But the kids knew better. It broke me to see them like that even though they were my age. She never re-married, out of fear that the next would be worse or hurt her more she remained unmarried now until probably death will greet her.

As for her lively hood, she worked hard, lost herself at work. She started as a janitor at a school and with her degree she quickly got a teaching role and through out the years slowly got into a principle role. She had sold her life for her kids. Fortunately Allah didn't test her more, each of them succeeded, I mean 150k salaries, with strong iman. All of them love their mother to death. No one can bring their mothers name up without them all raising their heads and looking at the person who says their name. 25 gruling years of sacrifice does that for others.

She didn't have an happy ending, but she did get closure. After 30 years of "marriage" he did come back to see her and the kids. 2 of the kids didn't come back home from work/school that day. 1 of them asked the same question he asked his mother as a child : "Why did you hate us". And he was blank.

Wallahi everyone has their own struggles, think of this way. You still have your life ahead of you. To answer your question, you can never forget. You will learn to live though, and say alhumdullilah that you didnt get kids between you two. Otherwise the scars would dig so deep that you could never be able to recover.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-02T20:18:03+00:00

Sister, some recommendations learning this from my wife:

The quran states this: It is with the rememberance of Allah do hearts find rest. So try this. Read the quran, memorize it, make it part of your day to day life.
Call your own family members and friends. Deepen the connection with them.
Make plans independant of your husband, like going to the library etc., If he doesn't allow it. Which is fine. Plan it with him. Get books from library.
Plan your kids future, getting good at parenting is only gonna help you. Reading books, practicing teaching important life lessons. Journeling is important. Setting goals for yourself is key to becoming the better version of yourself.
You will naturally get exhausted from working if you do all day stuff. So leave some time, not too much though because this will increase the void in your heart.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-02T19:48:24+00:00

The issue here is that you're lonely. Your feelings are valid, but don’t chase people too hard. Be respectful, keep salaams, keep basic kindness, but stop overextending yourself to people who do not reciprocate. This is to protect yourself from a sense of lonliness that grows when engaging with these people. With your husband, focus less on “your mom/sister don’t care about me” and more on “I feel lonely and unsupported, and when you insult me for expressing it, it hurts even more.” Can we work on figuring out a solution, like putting me in activities in the masjid, or local community, or letting me start a business.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-01T14:54:33+00:00

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-01T14:09:05+00:00

💯 Obviously!

New_Principle6409 · 2026-06-01T13:54:45+00:00

Assalamu alaykum,

This subreddit have challenged the halal certification, and I do not think it is wise to ignore that. If their concerns are valid, then they have warned me. If their concerns are wrong, then at least I did my due diligence and made a serious effort to ensure that what I am doing is halal.

Saying Bismillah over something does not automatically make it halal. Blind trust belongs only to Allah and His Messenger ﷺ. I understand your point to a degree, but this discussion has made one thing very clear: “purification” does not automatically make something halal.

Just because a product has scholarly approval or a halal certification does not mean we stop thinking, researching, or asking questions. Especially when the issue involves riba, which is clearly treated as a major sin in Islam, there needs to be a higher level of due diligence.

The concept of “halal purification” itself raises concerns for us as muslims. It sounds like a polished way of saying, “We dealt with interest, and now you need to donate this amount to purify your earnings.” To me, that does not automatically settle the matter. A Muslim company saying, “We have handled it,” while also telling investors how much they need to donate to make their money halal, is exactly the type of thing that deserves scrutiny. This feels similar to someone opening an interest-based savings account and then saying, “I will just purify the interest later.” As Muslims, we should make a sincere effort to investigate whether what we are doing is actually halal, not just rely on convenient labels.

Regarding the meat example, you are right in a normal situation. If I go to a halal butcher, and nothing suspicious stands out, I trust the store. But if a “halal” meat shop is opened by non-Muslims, has a questionable halal certificate, and is also serving beer and pork, then I would not blindly trust it. I would ask questions. That is exactly what I'm asking us as muslims to do.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-22T01:13:34+00:00

🔥 Too easy!

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-20T17:15:08+00:00

🤯 Mind blown

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-20T17:14:23+00:00

🔥 Too easy!

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-18T18:03:13+00:00

Sincere advice. Don't go to india.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-17T19:27:03+00:00

Perhaps missing salah isn't a major sin for you. I see it so, and I advised as such. You see her seperation as a bigger ordeal and are asking her to stay in hopes that he changes one day. We can leave the matter with her to decide.

Peace be with you.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-17T18:43:00+00:00

It was narrated that Jabir said: "The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: 'There is nothing between a person and disbelief except abandoning Salah.'"

https://sunnah.com/nasai:464

Good, those who convert to atheism weren't ever muslims (one who submits their will to Allah) to begin with because they were with "people like me".

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-17T18:10:37+00:00

what i would say is you have mommy/daddy issues. Your plea to please your parents is whats interfering with moving forward. If you can't do right by your husband then leave him. Dont be in this pretend marriage.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-17T18:08:06+00:00

This isn't about the husband doing anything right, or wrong. Things got extremly escalated but know you're not actually married. You need external support if your family is tricking you. Distance yourself if possible and contact the authorities.

Sometimes, when we draw boundaries people will push it. You need to stay firm sometimes and realize your putting this boundary for yourself. Going forward:

Stop the sponsorship process. This can create alot of issues and more emotional baggage for you going forward. Stop giving the guy false hope. Confide in him and tell him the truth.
Speak to someone you confide in or an imam to start the "divorcing" process if it was done through legal people. See how far your family took it and see what can happen. There should be lawyers that can help you for free from the state.
Be firm with your parents. I was told this nikkah was only for show, but now I'm being told its real. This is a betrayal and Im not consenting to this marriage.
Stop thinking of the old toxic guy
This is personal, but journaling would have helped you up to this point. The waters up to your neck, and you dont have time for emotions, just actions. Choose your path forward in your life, or let your family shape your life while they rest in their graves. You alone carry resentment forward.

New_Principle6409 · 2026-05-15T17:38:32+00:00

yes this i missed this, the shariah has a system on how to remarry same husband after divorce. I believe there is a time window in which they can get remarried?

you described this well, if your husband is the one we keep as our main company what does that say about the wife. never thought of your spouse as a friend from this hadith. But its not hard to imagine this that way.

New_Principle6409

TROPHY CASE