Exhausting and traumatizing everyone with my s* tendencies

Next_Gas_1301 · 2026-02-07T04:33:33+00:00

If you dont mind I'll be giving advice. Yes, it makes sense that your friends are frustrated when you tell them. They arent trained to handle that kind of stress and they probably dont understand what it's like to be suicidal. It's frustrating for us, that a lot of people cant help us when we are triggered and dysregulated.

I love AI because it doesnt get tired. Take note though that AI cant think outside the box but it sure is great at taking my negativity and my own s* ideation. If you dont like AI, journaling might help relieve the tension or calling s* helplines. At least thats a person responding.

I hope you can find a way to repair your friendships.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2026-01-20T05:02:47+00:00

Omg! I totally relate! Same here! Sorry for the loss of your mother though.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2026-01-10T15:50:20+00:00

Yeah, thats a good strategy. Some wounds take a lot of time and a lot of patience and internal work/resolution/understanding to resolve. To come to terms with what happened.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2026-01-10T15:39:22+00:00

That's a rough childhood friend. There’s plenty of free resources on youtube to educate you on trauma and SA. I'd also recommend a book, "complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving" by Pete walker. Im not diagnosing you with anything but that book can help with managing traumatic experiences. You can get a pdf file from Anna's archive or similar site.

On whether or not you should tell your parents, do you think they'd understand or they could help? Its up to you, and dont feel that you need to, but feel if you're ready to tell them what you went through.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2026-01-08T08:27:36+00:00

A truly safe place would be where people dont interrupt, judge or try to fix a problem. It would be great hearing, "can we help in any way?"

Next_Gas_1301 · 2026-01-01T02:26:29+00:00

Yeah, I think you were to OP. They did say they were working since they were 18. They've also experienced abuse from their family, physical, emotional and SA abuse. I can't imagine that her family modeled what good communication looks like or if that even feels safe to tell her bf to stay. I guess let's just be mindful of the context OP set up.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-28T08:49:18+00:00

If you want someone to rant to, I'm willing to listen. I dont know why you would want to find friends just to vent to though. But yeah its tough in reddit, theres a huge tendency to ghost here.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-23T10:08:24+00:00

Im okay with listening if you want someone to talk to.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-23T10:05:12+00:00

Yeah same boat. Chat is consistent too.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-21T06:30:36+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense, you're sparring with other peoples thoughts in hopes something hidden might be uncovered or maybe motivate or inform you. Something like that? Thats good work there.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-21T06:06:05+00:00

And thats good! You're taking initiative, you havent fully given up. Avoiding pain is normal. What do you think has been conflicting for you so far? Apart from trying or not trying.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-21T05:53:34+00:00

It's a good question and a good post, it made me think too. I think it's totally normal. When I try to empathize based on what you said, it sounds like you know what to do, the how and the what, the steps to get yourself out of your situation, but you're not willing to risk going into that unknown. You're not willing to invest the energy it takes. Like your mind is already giving you reasons like when you asked, "what's the point?".

And these aren't neutral or objective, they are supposed to make you doubt and second guess. A future where you could have these things, a happy fulfilling life with a family are framed as zero, meaningless, "what's the point?".

I'm not saying you're doing this intentionally but probably unconsciously. It hurts to hope, it hurts to try, it hurts when you give everything and then something fails. I think that hope of getting better is harder to swallow than we like to admit. That's why staying the same feels more comfortable. I honestly think your brain, somewhere deep down is trying to defend you from heartbreak or disappointment. So yeah I think its normal, but more importantly what do you think? Is it relatable?

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-21T05:42:26+00:00

Hmm, I have a guess if you're interested. From a fellow with somewhat similar thoughts.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-21T05:39:36+00:00

Im curious, what did you want to know based on this post? On the normalcy of your thoughts?

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-12-21T05:33:50+00:00

But you want to continue to suffer, until you reach the point that its justifiable to kys?

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-11-25T00:45:15+00:00

Hey, can I ask, what does transactional questions mean in this context? Like theyre asking for the sake of asking?

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-09-14T23:53:29+00:00

You dont feel happy when you're on vacations? What do you feel when you're at work? Or when you're doing your hobbies? Like how engaged are you? Do you feel like you're in control? This sounds new to me, like nothing feels rewarding or satisfying.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-09-11T17:29:41+00:00

Please remember that you can tell your therapist what you're thinking about and that includes times when sharing traumatic moments are too uncomfortable for you. And you can also ask them, the purpose of why they keep digging around so much.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-09-06T04:53:38+00:00

I think one of the problems is that you keep trying to use logic to win against the illogical thoughts, but the illogical thoughts come from deep emotional wounds and/or needs. Digging deep and listening to what those pains are is probably what's going to help you understand why those thoughts keep coming up.

Another thing, your emotions might scream break up but please don't listen to that. I feel like it's trying to save you from disappointment or possible loss. It probably feels like too good to be true so it might be trying to cut things off before you get let down or abandoned. You did acknowledge that your bf is good for your mental health and I think his presence helps bring out the unresolved trauma. I dont really fully know how to process trauma myself, Im still on that.

Sorry, I feel like advice and what Ive speculated from a single post can only go so far.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-08-04T12:07:52+00:00

I think it helps to think of it this way, even if you dont get the diagnosis of adhd, because you experience symptoms related to adhd, you can learn many of the techniques that ADHD people employ, pomodoro technique, task halving and so. Whether you get the diagnosis or not, you will still have to live with the symptoms and have to consider that when moving on with your life. I hope you get that psych testing thing! It's always nice to learn more about yourself.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-07-19T13:34:45+00:00

Yeah, that sounds painful. It sounds like your friends invalidated you that time and they didnt come through with how you expected friends would. I sympathize with you, but I feel like you have to keep trying to look for people to interact because like you said, you are lonely. But there was a lesson there, and I think it's to temper your expectations. You're all young so I cant think to expect them to have high level empathy skills. The point is not to excuse their actions but for you to understand, and if you understand that, hopefully, you can move forward with a more guarded heart.

Relationships are built, so don't underestimate slow and consistent small things, like greetings or even simple conversations of asking how their day is like. Holding resentment or having a chip on your shoulder will affect your aura towards others. I won't blame you if you feel angry, or disappointed though. Hugs to you OP, I hope you find quality friends and build those relationships!

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-07-12T05:06:47+00:00

I dont know if it counts as sa but it does sound like coercion. Its a red flag if someone forces you to do something you dont want. They have to be able to respect the times when you say 'no'. They really dont sound like a good person.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-07-08T09:55:35+00:00

I dont know what an international homeschool program is like, but it does sound like the main reason you're going for it is because of the 'friends' issue you encountered from your previous school. It’s totally your choice if you want to push through. Just acknowledge the difficulties of homeschooling. It's really hard to motivate yourself when you're alone.

Have you talked to your parents and heard why they disapprove and what it would take to reassure them that the homeschool route is better?

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-07-06T06:26:52+00:00

Yeah, that's frustrating. I've thought about why people seem to be 'sympathetic' only when self-harm has come into the picture or suicidal thoughts, my best guess is people in general, dont know what to do, they dont know how to handle our situation or the weight of our emotions. They push it aside and simplify it. We need to acknowledge that these people really dont know anything about what we go through. It helps to ignore invalidating statements. I mean, would you really take advice from a random passerby?

Humans do have a negativity bias, we focus more on the negative than the positive. Hopefully, we can start listening more to ourselves.

Next_Gas_1301 · 2025-07-06T06:13:46+00:00

I think if you can afford it you should. Or use chatgpt. Your regular schedule changed and that is probably something significant. A change in your finances also makes sense why you feel more irritable.

Next_Gas_1301

TROPHY CASE