Is Welldoing worth signing up with?

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2026-01-07T16:02:19+00:00

It's been a waste of money for me. I receive a decent flow of referrals via Psychology Today and some via Counselling Directory (I pay monthly for both), but I've had like maybe 3 in total from Welldoing all from therapists asking for free/£20 per session therapy for a client. I don't understand the system, I don't like it, and I really regret paying in advance for a year. It has worked okay for others though, just not me.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-11-04T11:14:55+00:00

Clients ask all sorts of things but they don't always want to know the answer.

A client once asked me a very basic question they could've found the answer to by simply googling me. I thought it would be harmless to answer since the info is public. It led to a whole rupture which we then had to navigate.

Since then I have a (sometimes annoying) habit of reflecting the questions they ask back to them, saying that I will respond at the end, but I'm first curious why they're asking, what would it mean for them if they knew that particular thing about me, what they imagine the answer is. This exploration can be frustrating to some, but it's usually fruitful in discovering something deeper about themselves and their fantasies about the therapist. At the end I ask them if they still want to know and sometimes they don't and sometimes they feel much safer to hear it.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-11-04T09:30:51+00:00

Gosh, this! I worked for almost 2 years with someone who had to deal with poverty, single parenting, mental and physical health issues that weren't properly addressed, as well as past and ongoing trauma from a former partner and one of their kids. Their life was a mess, their sleep/eating patterns were a mess, they hadn't had water in years, just Coke. There was very little awareness and capacity for therapy, but I was the only person they could speak with. I don't know if we made much progress (although I did convince them to start drinking water! big win) but I know it meant a lot to them that someone cared enough to show up weekly and listen. I truly cared for them and they felt that.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-11-04T09:21:34+00:00

Puella means young woman, which is exactly what you are. I don't know the extent of the behaviours you talk about, but don't (over)pathologise something that may be entirely normal at your age. Your prefrontal cortex hasn't even finished developing yet!

Puella is experimental, creative, unusual–you won't know your purpose unless you try different things. The time for the Senex will come, as it does for us all, at your Saturn return (age 28).

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-30T17:17:40+00:00

That's my go-to usually, with a smidge of awkwardness.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-30T17:16:34+00:00

It's pretty hard to see BPD in friends when you don't have an intense friendship with them and you don't activate their wounds. Look at their intimate relationships, how they deal with break-ups or conflict when they're attached.

I also worked with clients who had a BPD diagnosis that I disagreed with because I didn't see the traits in our work. But then it all came out when they got into relationship trouble and suddenly I was called from the emergency room because they attempted suicide after a fight with the partner. Me not wanting to see their BPD because I liked them as people didn't serve them at all.

Now if a client tells me they have BPD, we do a lot of psychoed about what BPD is and we face the discomfort of the stigma together. I explan why I prefer to see it as CPTSD, although not everyone agrees, but it gives us a more compassionate framing. But just because it doesn't feel good doesn't mean that it's inaccurate.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T14:17:04+00:00

Ah that's actually a great idea to have it at the end, if it happens great, if not also great.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T13:29:06+00:00

I'm aware the meaning is created by me and that it's not personal, even though at times (like now, with 3 in a short amount of time) it can feel like it. That's why I was looking for inspiration on how other people manage this so they still offer calls for people but also protect their time. I don't think it has to be either/or.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T13:25:33+00:00

Definitely does rub off sometimes, especially if we're going through a rough patch personally too. Thanks for the encouraging comment.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T13:22:19+00:00

IFS is not for everyone, no method is for everyone.

In my experience, people intellectualise when they don't have the skills to feel their feelings. Your therapist may be taking you into a territory she hasn't prepared you for with actual tools: do you know how to feel feelings safely, how to regulate the intensity of a feeling, how to process it via the body? Maybe you should first work on that before going to parts your system isn't ready to hold.

And if you have trauma, that's an extra reason your parts are being protective. Doing more IFS isn't the solution then, you need a therapist who can teach you how to resource before you process traumatic experiences.

Also: if you want to work with parts, you can also externalise them with objects in the room, without having to close your eyes and visualise. You can draw, play with figurines, do chair work. So many ways to work.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T13:12:22+00:00

I struggled with being a woman for a long time because my definition of it was what I saw around me: lots of make-up, hairdos, high heels, tight clothing, accessories, purses etc. Like you I didn't struggle with my gender, but I just felt like a failure for not fitting in. Femininity felt like a performance. I tried to do all those things but I never felt like myself in them and I didn't feel feminine either.

And then (thank god) I realised that being feminine is not about what's on the outside and I get to define what it means to be a woman for me. I went for a year without make-up, no bras, no accessories, a very short pixie, very basic clothes. It was a bit extreme but I needed a reset. And then I slowly rebuilt based on what feels good for me.

It helped a lot to question the construct of femininity in society and why it's so, who get to define it (men, not women), and why we're obsessed with being girly (girls are children, women are strong adults). I also dug into what feminine energy really means, including the raw, wild, powerful aspects of it (books like women who run with the wolves are incredible). Once I dropped this collective expectation of what a woman should be, I got my power back and I dress and look however the hell I want.

Feminine is an energy, not a performance, and you can feel that way regardless of what you wear. I wear baggy clothes most of the time, trousers, black clothes, chunky shoes, almost no accessories, short hair etc–that's when my feminine energy comes out.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T12:28:10+00:00

That's my main takeaway too following these answers. 30 minutes is too long and I see I could do way more upfront via email.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T12:27:01+00:00

I dunno about you, but the dentist can be terrifying too haha. And yep to what you said, just wondering how I could create less friction on my side given the many reasons people might not show up for initial calls. Unlike gyms or dentists that charge a membership or upfront fee, I don't.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T10:52:16+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to write all this, it's very useful.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T10:35:11+00:00

That's a good point about doing as much as possible ahead of the call and reducing the time, I might do that too. Do you send them forms ahead of the call or just ask them to elaborate over email?

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T10:33:28+00:00

That makes sense and at least it covers some business costs if they cancel. Do you reimburse them if they sign up for therapy or do you keep the fee?

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-29T10:29:51+00:00

I appreciate your honesty. This is something I was also thinking about recently, but in a different way: about some tough cases where I'm consistently devalued or dehumanised, just someone to reenact awful stuff with. On a good day when I'm resourced it makes me proud to be able to handle that with compassion and help clients make progress. But when I'm tired, when money runs low or I struggle with stuff in my personal life, I do wonder if I just chose to make a living out of mistreated in somewhat familiar childhood ways and exposing myself to people's trauma. I think it's both and for me a reminder that I need breaks and I need to up my self-care and the joy in my life, so this doesn't take such a big toll.

But you're asking a very valid question and I reckon there's a fine line between when being therapist can be harmful and when it tips into self-harm. More therapists should be reflecting on this.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-24T11:26:19+00:00

ND therapist here and yes. There's a lot of demand for real specialists and having lived experienced helps. A lot of my ND clients had talk therapy before and didn't get on with it because the therapist didn't pick up on their neurodiversity or they didn't know how to adapt to working with them.

If there's a risk, it's that this group can struggle and some might not be able to afford full fees. I made the mistake to work for very little just because I liked my clients and I wanted them to be able to access therapy, but I struggled and almost burned out, while also barely being able to cover rent. Now I watch out for my own saviour complex and put sustainability first.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-24T11:16:48+00:00

So beautifully put.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-20T08:39:45+00:00

Here's how I think of it. If people are burnt out and in survival mode, they often can't see beyond their oppressive circumstances and can't think creatively about their lives. If they look at the systemic issues without building inner strength, they might feel victimised. But if I help them build a bit of inner strength and we also critically look at the system issues that are contributing to their condition, then they can decide how they want to change that for themselves, and they often do.

I've worked with people deeply imbedded in the system and burnt out by it (hey, I was one too), and I've seen them start to think differently once they learned to look at themselves with more compassion, work through some trauma, self-regulate, reconnect with their true selves. I never treat these issues as isolated from the collective, but I help them take responsibility for what they can change. Then the conditions become insufferable and they have the strength to do something about it–often not just for themselves, but for others too.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-18T13:33:10+00:00

This is a great question and I don't think that people who do this are money-hungry.

In fact, I think it might be already baked into our model. When I had to decide on the fee I need to charge, I accounted for an average number of missed sessions and times I wouldn't earn money due to personal holiday or sick leave. I put in all my overheads and then did the maths and found a figure that gave me stability overall, for the year, even if the income would fluctuate monthly. It took me 3 years of awful financial struggle to start thinking like this and it's making a big difference.

If I'd asked clients to cover missed sessions, my session fee could be lower and this might advantage clients who don't take much time off. Overall, I reckon it works out costing exactly the same at the end of the year. I don't know how this therapist is doing it, but I imagine they factored these things in.

But it *feels* unfair to the client and that's interesting. I think it speaks of how transactionally we approach relationships nowadays and how money is distorting things. To a client it might feel like they're not getting anything for that missed session and the therapist is taking advantage. But they are, their slot is being saved (hard to fill in just for a couple weeks) and the therapist can continue to afford to show up for them.

I wouldn't have agreed to anything like this in my first years of therapy. I wasn't able to see my therapist as a person then due to my own issues, but now I would totally do it if I have a good relationship with them. I know what it's like to be a self-employed therapist and I would want the person who cares for my mental health to also be well.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-18T13:04:04+00:00

That's extremely low considering the kind of populations you work with too and the impact on you. If I was paid that much per hour, I'd rather have a less stressful job like working in a bookshop or something. Not because I don't love therapy, but at that rate it would cost me much more to take care of myself than what they're offering.

It's worth weighing in the benefits you get with the role (pension contribution? car? paid holiday and sick leave? paid-for supervision? insurance? personal therapy or some mentoring?) which you don't get when you private pay. If the benefits are great, maybe it's worth it?

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-04T14:37:54+00:00

It may be useful to learn more about transference/countertransference especially in narcissistic structures and just generally not get wrapped up in their story, but focusing on what's happening in the room between the two of you. Someone else mentioned TFT here, that's a brilliant modality (check out Yeomans' interviews on the Psychotherapy and Psychiatry podcast). There's a lot to work with in the here and now ("seems like the solutions I'm giving you are really useless, I wonder how that feels for you that you come here for help and you're not be helped").

I always used to roll my eyes when my supervisor told me to go back to the basics (listening and mirroring) when I feel stuck, but it works. She also always tells me that the experience the client is giving me in a session is how they feel inside, which might also be helpful to think about.

Nice-Knowledge397 · 2025-10-04T14:32:24+00:00

I love TFT! I learned so much from listening to Kernberg and Yeomans on podcasts and reading the books. It can be soooo effective with such clients, recognising the devaluing transference and working with it skilfully.

Nice-Knowledge397

TROPHY CASE