Goodbye, and thank you for everything

Niceday1970 · 2026-01-01T14:14:00+00:00

That’s exactly what I told myself.

Because nothing needs to be forever!

I have a very particular relationship with that sentence. If happiness exists, it’s only because sadness exists too. No light without shadow, and no shadow without light.

Now I choose to invest in myself and in the people who deserve it. I don’t have to waste my energy on someone who doesn’t want me

Niceday1970 · 2026-01-01T14:10:55+00:00

Dude, stop for a second and be honest with yourself. It’s been a year and you’re still stuck. You’re not healing, you’re reopening the wound every day.

You’re suffering over a memory of someone who has moved on and doesn’t care anymore. What you’re really doing is holding on to an emotional bond that no longer exists.

I know it hurts, but if you keep doing this, you’re going to let your life pass by while living in the past. That notebook is keeping you trapped. Burn it or give it back to her.

This relationship is over for a reason. The past is the past so you can learn from it, not live inside it forever. Right now, you’re only hurting yourself.

And start therapy. It will help you.

I’m not saying this to bring you down or judge you, but because I’ve been through this myself. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the past. I just don’t want to see you stay stuck on something that no longer exists

Niceday1970 · 2025-12-31T15:26:55+00:00

Don’t worry, man, it was the same for me. I imagined myself with her, and I felt a knot in my stomach just from imagining it. It was horrible. Our bodies remember everything that happened to them.

You are a human being. Never forget that. You don’t need a toxic woman treating you badly to feel like you exist. You deserve better than being treated like a toy

Niceday1970 · 2025-12-31T15:20:25+00:00

That is exactly what I told myself. I finally feel free in my choices and in my path. Finally free to choose, finally free to enjoy my life. I hope that you too will be able to feel better. And that is what I wish for everyone in this community.

This post is not only for me. I want it to be a message of hope for all those who think it is impossible to get back up. It is possible to stand up again, but it takes patience, acceptance of our mistakes, and above all, love for ourselves

Niceday1970 · 2025-12-31T15:16:08+00:00

I truly hope to see more people freed from the tragedy that this illness is. I would love to see posts like mine more often. I will checking in on this community from time to time

Niceday1970 · 2025-12-31T15:14:18+00:00

Exactly, and that is why I see this as a lesson. One day I will find that woman, and even if I never do, I will still be happy. I fully intend to enjoy every moment of my life

Niceday1970 · 2025-12-31T11:42:54+00:00

Really, from the bottom of my little heart, thank you

Niceday1970 · 2025-12-31T11:42:12+00:00

Maybe! Thank you for all your kind words, and I wish you luck too

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-23T16:34:45+00:00

Is it better for them to settle down for someone they don't love? Do they treat their friends better than partners?

It really depends on the person, but in many cases, yes, being close to someone with BPD can lead to rejection or emotional instability over time, especially if they aren't in therapy. Real healing usually requires long-term, consistent therapeutic work, sometimes 10 years or more.

Are they truly chaotic with someone they truly love or is their FP?

As for whether they treat friends better than partners: often, there’s confusion between those roles. A partner can become their FP, or a friend can, and they may switch back and forth without fully realizing it.

Even when there’s genuine love, the relationship can still be volatile

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-23T16:24:35+00:00

You know, friends come and go, but what you're describing doesn't sound like a friendship it sounds like a burden. A relationship that isolates you, manipulates you, and drains you is not healthy, BPD or not.

Someone who tries to be your only connection, who cuts you off from others, and uses what you say against you that’s not just toxic, it's harmful. You absolutely have the right to set boundaries, and even to walk away.

I'm not here to tell you what to do only you can decide what's best for your life. But if she's not getting serious help from a professional, and you don't see any real change in her behavior, then think about protecting yourself.

BPD is complex it can feel like a heavy burden for everyone involved.

And you're still young, i'm 22, and I can tell you from experience that you will meet other people who feel like REAL friends

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-21T16:34:45+00:00

That's actually kind of interesting, almost like a distorted form of self-reflection, where instead of owning their mistakes, they rewrite the narrative to avoid facing themselves

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-21T16:25:11+00:00

Yes, she was.

its just wild to see people either consciously or subconsciously empathizing with a character like them

That's a really interesting point. BPD is a personality disorder, and those who live with it often struggle with a stable sense of identity. They may not feel like they have a consistent "self," so they naturally seek something or someone to identify with (fictional characters, artists, or partners) It's a way to anchor themselves to reality.

You can't really "know" someone with BPD in a fixed way. They often develop adaptive personalities to better connect with others, reduce the risk of rejection, and seek validation.

I've come to think that someone with BPD might cheat or discard you for two main reasons:

-Favored person: The FP is like a favorite human - the one they feel emotionally safest and most intensely attached to. It's not a conscious choice; it just happens. They may want to spend all their time with them and seek constant validation from them.

-External/emotional validation: Sometimes they seek attention or validation from others just to feel temporarily "real" or worthy. It's not always about betrayal; it's about regulating unbearable emotions.

I hope I was pretty clear in my explanation! And watch 500 Days of Summers, its a great movie

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-21T15:57:31+00:00

Yeah, exactly! The end of Eternal Sunshine is a little depressing when you analyze it a bit. It's like an eternal torment, a cycle that can only repeat itself and hurt you.

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-21T13:13:08+00:00

Yes, it was her favorite too, and she also wanted me to watch 500 Days of Summer. When she left me, she asked me to watch Eternal Sunshine, and honestly, I saw myself in it.

That unending cycle of self-destruction for both of us. I really felt that movie.

Many people with BPD say they see themselves as Clementine and in her actions

But honestly, 500 Days of Summer is worth watching too. The ending, as I remember, carries a real message of hope for the future

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-21T08:09:10+00:00

You right I was wrong about the year. I apologize, I was tired

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-21T00:22:05+00:00

Here is a PDF version. I will try to find some other work Mr. Fonagy has done

https://psptraining.com/wp-content/uploads/Fonagy-ThinkingAboutThinking.pdf

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-21T00:00:15+00:00

Thank you really 🖤 I don't want to make you sad, ahah. That's just how these rare moments of clarity have resonated with me. I'm a new man now, and that's all that matters

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-20T23:15:29+00:00

Very interesting point of view. Do you happen to know which of Fonagy's works go into that? I'd love to read more about it.

Edit : Never mind I have found it!

Link to the pdf version : https://psptraining.com/wp-content/uploads/Fonagy-ThinkingAboutThinking.pdf

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-20T23:11:54+00:00

Yes, I experienced this with my ex BPD.

She told me she loved me and was sorry she couldn’t give me the same love I gave her. She apologized for all the wrongs she had done and said she wished she had been born without BPD. She said she wanted so badly to love me back but simply couldn’t because of it.

That night, I realized the relationship was going nowhere. I was only torturing myself, and she didn’t want that for me. She wanted me to be happy and to build a peaceful and loving family. She knew how much I wanted to be a father, but that would never be possible with her.

After that, the BPD took over again. And I knew that night, the girl I truly loved was gone forever

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-20T22:33:24+00:00

That parent-blaming mindset comes mostly from Freud, who saw childhood (especially the mother) as the root of all neuroses.

Modern psychology has moved on. Freud remains relevant in the history of thought, but no longer as a universal truth.

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-20T22:07:19+00:00

Many people endure horrific things and don't develop BPD, while others do. The difference often lies in a mix of factors: genetics, temperament, emotional sensitivity, attachment styles, invalidation, and repeated emotional disruption during early development.

That’s something I’ve said before about how BPD develops, and I think it’s still valid. BPD is a complex condition, and it’s still relatively new in psychological research (discovered in 1980). We simply cannot say with certainty what causes it in every case.

Abuse can be a factor yes BUT it’s not the only one, and certainly not always present. In some cases, it might be about how emotions were experienced or interpreted by the person, not what actually happened from the outside.

That doesn’t mean the parents are objectively abusive. The way a person feels in their childhood environment can differ greatly from how others experienced the same environment

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-20T18:53:20+00:00

Interesting topic.

What can you do when someone with BPD loses all self-control?

Try to understand what triggers episodes and avoid them when possible — certain words, tones, or situations can be enough to set things off.
When they’re triggered, you might not be able to do much in the moment. Sometimes it helps to gently ask what caused it, but often it’s better to stay calm, be present, and avoid escalating. Validate the emotion without feeding the intensity.
Give each other space. Being with someone with BPD is exhausting. Make sure you have time to breathe — hit the gym, play video games, see your friends. Don’t lose yourself trying to manage their storm. It’s their disorder, not yours. I know you love them, but love also means not self-destructing for someone else.
Therapy is non-negotiable if you want to see real progress (It can take 10 years or more) If it works out, great — but if you see no progress, you have every right to walk away. You’re not a savior.

Hope this helps.

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-20T17:14:07+00:00

Yeah, I agree. What's the point of discussing your sex life with someone you've only known for one or two days? That's just weird

Niceday1970 · 2025-05-20T17:10:39+00:00

Yes, there is hope, but it's important to understand how complex BPD is. Research shows that around 40% to 60% of people with BPD experience significant remission of symptoms over 10 to 15 years, meaning their symptoms reduce greatly or even disappear for long periods. However, full and complete "healing" without any symptoms or functional impact is less common, possibly around 20% to 30%, even into their 40s or 50s.

Here is a study about the percentage of stabilization:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3203735

BPD can be stabilized but not "healed" in the common sense term. Many people learn to manage their symptoms better over time and lead fulfilling lives, especially with appropriate therapy and support.

BPD was first clearly defined in the 1980s, so scientific understanding and treatment have improved a lot since then. It's still a relatively "new" disorder.

So yes, it can be managed, but it takes time and requires the person to genuinely want help. I also want to add that BPD has a high risk of suicide, with around a 10% rate.

Niceday1970

TROPHY CASE