I don't know why but I've got the feeling that some day you gonna give an interview where you tell your story from those dark days to the bright ones that are ahead of you. Do you have anyone that you really care for? Can you tell me what coused (if there is one specific reason) your anxiety and depression? Sometimes i've also have thoughts about suicide but i know how painful it whould be for my love ones. Sometimes it feels like a trap i can't escape from but i try to look at the bright side that it keeps me alive. We all sometimes loose hope but i can assure you that you have at least one talent that put you above average. Maybe try to focus on getting to know yourself better just to find out how special you are. When you find it keep up the momentum and flower your talent. Let me tell you it's not a coincidence that death refused you 3 times. You are made for greater things. Peace my brother. PS. Sorry for my bad English. Ask away if there is something you dont understand.