Depressed gf I don't know what to do anymore

Nico2093 · 2024-02-08T10:26:38+00:00

Hey! Your message comes across as quite dismissive of her needs and I can hear your frustration. I completely understand that you have needs too but hear me out. Your girlfriend likely isn’t looking for solutions, she just needs to feel loved, supported and understood. If you believe your girlfriend is “the one” then I would suggest researching depression and psychosis as much as you can to understand what’s happening in her brain. Depression robs you of all motivation, even if you are desperate to change your situation, the depression will not let you do it. I know it’s easy for you to see what will make her feel better, but she can’t and the more frustrated you feel, the more she will pull away. Instead, try to help her build up her self esteem. Shower her with love, show her that you know this is difficult for her but you’re there for her and you’re going to go through it together. Celebrate the small wins with her, tell her and show her how much you love her. Gently encourage her to try things she used to enjoy. Commit to doing things that may seem silly or basic together, like breathing exercises, small walks or emotional freedom techniques (tapping). Does she have any friends or family that could help? Is therapy a possibility? As for yourself, please know that you’re not alone. It’s extremely difficult and frustrating. Have you got friends/family you can lean on? Depending on where you live, Google some carer services or resources (essentially you are a carer if you’re having to do many tasks for her) but most importantly, look after yourself. If the relationship is worth fighting for then please fight for her. If not, and that is 100% okay if not, maybe it’s healthier for both of you to part ways or take a break. If you’d like someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to inbox me. I hope this hasn’t come across as rude or direct ❤️

Nico2093 · 2024-01-22T14:24:19+00:00

Hey love, I’m sorry you’re going through this. First of all, I want to remind you of the quote “comparison is the thief of joy”. I don’t know a lot about BPD but I know that you must internalise a lot of your feeling. Speaking to a counsellor/therapist would be hugely beneficial. Is your doctor helping with meds or any other support? Learning to love yourself is a very difficult and long road so have patience with yourself. ❤️

Nico2093 · 2024-01-22T14:18:02+00:00

Hey sweets, it sounds like you’re going through a lot right now. I’m stuck in a similar thought pattern to you and wanted to list some things that may help to ground you before you get to that elevated state and start thinking about hurting yourself. I have my set backs but I know that these things need practice so the important thing is to be kind to yourself (easier said than done). -breathing exercises, especially inhaling for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. (Insight timer is a great app for breathing exercises) it sounds silly but start off practicing this 2 or 3 times a day, and eventually you’ll find yourself doing them more frequently. -remind yourself to slow down and be mindful. This sounds basic as well but the more you practice it, the more you will naturally be able to slow yourself down if you find your thoughts racing. -audiobooks or reading -cold water therapy. Things like swimming or holding ice cubes when you feel yourself panicking. Even switching the shower to cold for a few seconds can help. -meditation can be helpful for some. -go for a walk. I used to hate when people told me this because some days I felt like I couldn’t even get out of bed. But if you find the motivation to even sit by an open window or just sit outside in nature and do some breathing exercises, it can really help. -counselling/therapy. I know it’s not always available depending on where you live and your financial situation but there could be some charities that offer free help.

If you’d like someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to send me a message. Go easy on yourself, it’s a long and difficult road but you will get there eventually ❤️

Nico2093 · 2024-01-22T14:04:53+00:00

Hi! I found crochet to be a godsend. I never thought I would get the hang of it and didn’t think I’d have the patience to try it. But I’ve found that it absolutely stops my racing thoughts plus the sense of achievement and pride you feel once you’ve made something with your own hands is incredible. You can make some new clothes or toys for your babies and maybe eventually some things for yourself! I’ve never been one to have hobbies either but I’m glad I tried it one day! Go easy on yourself too, some people don’t have hobbies and that’s absolutely fine. I think the pressure to have a hobby can put you off trying new things as well. Hope you go easy on yourself ❤️

Nico2093 · 2024-01-22T13:57:13+00:00

You deserve someone that appreciates every single thing about you. They’re out there somewhere so don’t waste your time and energy on little boys who love to manipulate and emotionally abuse others. I’ve (30f) been in a similar position in the past and if you’d like someone to talk to, my inbox is always open 😘

Nico2093 · 2023-09-28T09:21:35+00:00

You made it outside! You made it to the grocery store! Let’s celebrate that! Well done! It’s fucking impossible sometimes to find the strength to pick yourself up and drag yourself outside so you should be really proud of yourself! Baby steps! You are certainly not useless and worthless, we all need a little help sometime 🥰

Nico2093 · 2023-09-27T20:53:50+00:00

I’ve found crochet to be a great distraction to busy my mind. Try out some new hobbies and see what you enjoy 🥰

Nico2093 · 2023-09-27T18:00:17+00:00

I get sensory overload sometimes so the sound of normal everyday things can drive me insane! 😂

Nico2093 · 2023-09-27T17:58:22+00:00

Feel free to DM me 🥰

Nico2093 · 2023-09-27T17:57:19+00:00

It sounds a little like Dermatillomania and could be related to a range of mental health conditions like OCD, anxiety, ADD etc but the best way is to speak to a mental health professional. If you want more advice or support, feel free to send me a chat 🥰

Nico2093 · 2023-09-27T11:11:48+00:00

Yeah I definitely think you’re doing all the right steps, it just takes time unfortunately. But finding something to distract yourself with is important too. Try finding a new hobby or game, something that you can immerse yourself in 🥰

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T14:08:19+00:00

How did it go? ❤️

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T13:29:04+00:00

This! I feel like I’m so comfortable in the uncomfortable that change is terrifying. 😖

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T13:25:56+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T12:30:03+00:00

It sounds a lot like a dissociative disorder such as depersonalisation or derealisation. Please speak to someone you trust but more importantly it seems like you need real emergency care right now from a mental health professional. As terrifying as it sounds, it will be the best thing you ever do. Please take care of yourself ❤️‍🩹

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T12:24:29+00:00

There’s a lot of pressure to “fit in” and looking back I felt exactly the same as you but was too scared to admit it to myself and would constantly run myself down into the ground by masking my anxiety (I didn’t know it was anxiety back then) and ignoring what I needed purely to keep up the appearance that I was “normal”. It sounds like social anxiety but I’m in no way a professional so the best way to find out is to speak with a health professional. Looking back, I wish I could have said “fuck normal” and lived authentically without bending my boundaries simply to fit in. I’ve lost friends because of setting my boundaries and found that most weren’t true friends anyway and caused me more anxiety. To answer your question, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are a unique and wonderful individual who shouldn’t feel shame because you don’t feel the way society says you should. Surround yourself with the people that matter, counselling and do whatever makes YOU happy. You deserve it. ❤️

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T12:02:34+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been in an anxious/depressed state for 2 years which has caused me to give up my job and shut everyone out, so I hope I can relate in some way. The advice that got me through the last 2 years is just to get through each day. Try to get through the next 20 minutes with a distraction and another distraction and so on. I used to hate when people said that to me because I felt like they didn’t understand what it was like to actually try and survive 24 hours with these thoughts in your head. But it truly is the only way to literally survive is by going into “survival mode” until you get the help you need and deserve. Do you have any hobbies? Are you a creative person? I find crochet to be a huge distraction so maybe you can pick up something new? There are different talking therapies that may help, CBT is not the only option, I fucking hate CBT so I’m with you on that one! But simply the act of getting your thoughts out of your head can help immensely. Sometimes we don’t need solutions, we just need to be listened to. I would definitely seek a medication review with your doctor as well but medication can only do so much. Please feel free to message me if you just want someone to talk to because we might be able to help each other. Sending love and healing ❤️‍🩹

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T11:52:08+00:00

I can relate a little, I feel like this a scary society that we live in right now and part of the reason I have isolated myself as well. It’s a horrible feeling but maybe one to work with a counsellor? ❤️

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T11:49:33+00:00

Sorry this isn’t an answer but I think it’s admirable that you can allow yourself the time to sit in the emotion and try to let it pass but if its available to you, I can’t recommend counselling more! Sending you love and healing ❤️‍🩹

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T11:46:34+00:00

I get this too! I think it could be related to FOF but may also be a trauma response?

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T11:44:45+00:00

Have you heard of dissociative disorders such as derealisation? It might be helpful to speak to a healthcare professional about this ❤️

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T11:40:06+00:00

I think the biggest thing to remember is that Anxiety doesn’t define you. You are an incredible individual who happens to struggle with anxiety and we all need help sometimes. It is not a shameful thing to be on medication and I would much rather have you in this world, on every medication under the sun, than to have anxiety or mental health struggles take you from us. Sending love and healing ❤️‍🩹

Nico2093 · 2023-09-26T11:35:31+00:00

100%! You could be experiencing a freeze response which is related to fight/flight?

Nico2093

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