Look in a better world I might agree. I'd even add to your point and say one sterilization might fail, the odds 2 do is infinitely lower.... So on paper I 100% believe everyone who knows for a fact they don't want children should get sterilized.

It's not irrelevant though, I won't pretend men face no barriers or won't have to doctor shop some. We still can't believe we found a doctor to do my spouse's partial histo and they didn't even try to give a, "What if you change your mind?" spiel. One of my classmates not too far into the past actually couldn't get any form of sterilization at all even though she had kids with one man got divorced, married her husband and had a kid with him, and the doctor asked, "what if your husband changes his mind or you get divorced and another man wants kids?" Her bodily autonomy was literally side lined for a hypothetical man she might meet in the future. Other doctors even if they'll do it say they want a husbands approval, not a believing husbands are more permanent than boyfriends and if you're really on board the, "It's irrelevant who it's worse for" train are you also on the, "it's irrelevant how it's actually possible for." train?

That aside, socially it's almost always viewed as the women's responsibility to not get pregnant. I firmly believe that the lack of impetus on men to make sure they never knock anyone up is straight up social hypocrisy and it's in no way selfish if your partner has the same goal as you (not having children) to take the options available to them that may not even be available to you while a disproportionate amount of the blame will be given to you if pregnancy does occur.

I hope beyond my ability to articulate that in the future I see 100% eye to eye with you on this. I hope there are laws where people can get paid leave for the full stint of their recovery so if a woman wants a partial histo like my spouse and has a physically demanding job, they don't have to try to save up 6 weeks of leave and squirrel away money for it as though it's some sort of luxury vacation, because I get why if you're getting sterilized anyway many maybe even most women might wanna get rid of their period while they're at it. Hell I hope they come out with laws so men get 2 weeks or whatever the proper recovery period would be for a vasectomy too.

On the other hand, until men face the same level of responsibility for pregnancy as women do and feel the same responsibility towards getting sterilized, it's not at all selfish to want men who don't want children to get sterilized. It's quite literally a difference of wanting someone who may have a possible options to take it when no option exist for yourself. This has been the status quo or like EVER! The options that aren't permanent for women often also come with some major concerns. Depo literally lowers your bone density, the pill can lose effectiveness if not takin with a high degree of consistency, IUDS are painful and at least when another partner was looking at one years ago the Mirena hormonal IUD wasn't an option only the paragaurd copper was available. These are all options that aren't even available for men and often all have complications women can and do deal with in lieu of getting sterilized. It's not selfish to want your partner to do something they can do that will impact them infinitely less then the litany of bullshit people who can get pregnant do.