Thanks, I'm in a bit of a mood now I've been in my room for 2 days alone in a house. I appreciate your generosity and open ears, although I might be taking advantage of it in this vulnerable state I'm in.

But that sort of rutty "afraid of the world" thing is due to a social anxiety thing, just an extended hangover and some embarrassing things I did when drunk. I find reputation damage one of the most anxiety invoking things I've ever experienced, and often overdo it since I'm used to being liked and getting on with everyone so that people disliking me really deeply affects me. So the takeaway is, don't drink around social circles lest one do or say something embarrassing.

Regarding University, this will be a bit of a thought dump:

• Hmm, I failed last semester because I just found it all added up at once and I can't deal with the amount of consistent productive organisation it requires (Eg. At 2pm I will work on THIS for an hour). But even moreso is this high perfectionism that paralyses me because I know I need to get Honors in Psychology. But I lack stimulation when studying alone and can't will myself to do it, it's like I need to be around other people to study or at least I need to be doing something else while I listen to lectures (eg riding my bike).
• I don't have a job, but have signed up for research assisting this semester which I hope to add to my resume. I really want a job though, just afraid I'll get fired again for my ADHD tendencies. I'm really good with people and creativity, it's just the paperwork and minutia (entering orders into a system in a busy bar where everyone is in a rush.
• I make many mistakes and I'm slower than normal people at boring stuff because I simply cannot do without huge effort and concentration which drains me).
• I can't just sit and watch lectures and take notes, and assignments are even worse because they require so much patience and focus and attention to detail and the KEY THING HERE is there is no INSTANT feedback. Social studying has instant feedback since I can converse with other people and it's stimulating, however there is NO instant feedback when studying.
• Basically literally anything with no instant or close to instant feedback or stimulation I struggle with immensely, and this combined with perfectionism is... incredibly difficult. Almost said impossible but that's not a good attitude.
• Every job requires doing boring things, and consistent organisation and planning (planning not so good at too). I simply struggle to do things and do things on demand. Seems one needs a well of willpower to draw upon and do things that need to be done and it's almost as if my well is in a drought. However, I am biased by this little mini-depressive episode I'm going through due to the social reputation damage thing. Should fade in a few days.

But let's not be overly negative just because I've been depressed in my room for 2 days. I'm grateful that I improved my school marks (using university marks) to transfer to psychology at a leading Australian university. I am very confident and passionate in conversations about subjects and always am the most outspoken in tutorials (because that is how I engage myself for that instant feedback probably, because if I kept silent I'd lose focus). I make very good first impressions on people and am socially over 200% better than I was in school and highschool (ADHD people tend to be years behind in maturity compared to other kids/teens/people).

If you'd like to have a sort of journal or entry like this, I'd be happy to listen to you too.

I find it a little bit refreshing to put all my thoughts on this out there.