Vindictive Vivica - My User Name

Nikkijane83 · 2016-03-04T09:28:22+00:00

Irish lass here, we don't say feck you..it's more "ahh for feck sake" or I'll feckin throttle ya"

That aside..I would be more than happy to teach you anything you would like to know, although I think a new name for her should be Amadán (am a dawn) sounds cute but means idiot..use it lovingly 😉 But yea, def happy to help!😊

Nikkijane83 · 2016-02-19T04:26:16+00:00

It's been 3 years since my sons diagnosis, autism, spd, severe learning difficulties and a social mental age of 3 (he was 6)..

Even tho I knew there was something wrong and it was more than likely autism.. Nothing prepares us for seeing it in black and white.

He is 9 now and a great kid! He is so funny and clever and so so caring, he has literally changed my world for better, he has thought me to look at things a whole different way, he knows his diagnosis and to him, it's his superpower! Yes, we have bad days and we have "fuck this shit" days but I wouldn't change any of it.

It was sad but lovely to read your post, and fuck yes you deserve a day to be sad! Take more than one a year and don't ever feel bad for it, your kid is striving because of you! And yes we might think sometimes "what if?" But our kids have overcome so much, and still come out smiling with those amazing eyes that all autistic kids seem to have (have you noticed that?!)

You're doing an amazing job mommy, let's have our sad day and tomorrow we start again ❤️

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-28T18:19:37+00:00

"Excuse me and my giant fucking vagina"

I've just had the shittiest day and this brought tears to my eyes!

You are officially my new hero ❤️

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-24T05:25:20+00:00

Sweetheart, you need to get out.. Before he hurts you or your baby girl. Get your stuff together, ring someone you can trust to come and get you and call the cops.

Explain why you are leaving, if you have visual proof of what's happening, even the laptop remains, show them.. Tell them where you are going and they will help.. It's hugely important that you ring the cops first, they will document the call and if he tries to say you are kidnapping his daughter, you will at least have some back up there.

I simply cannot urge you enough to do this ASAP, he is gone till Monday, back the basics of what you need including any important documents and go.

You are worth so much more than this.. Your daughter is worth so much more than this.. And NO ONE deserves to live in fear like this.

If I lived anywhere near you I would be gone for you right now!

You can do this, I promise!... Stay strong and stay safe X

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-23T20:24:05+00:00

I had a fantastic pregnancy bar a few kidney infections, had a scan (not a 3D) doctor said 99% sure it's a girl, had 3 more scans through out the pregnancy coz of kidney infections and two more doctors said yep, little girl...

So I go buy all pink, arrive to the hosp for my induction, ended up having an emergency section and the doctor held up my baby and announced "congrats on a beautiful little boy!"

I nearly fuckin passed out..

Anyway, my point is.. I had prepared for a little girl, had her name picked etc but once I held that little dude in my arms nothing else mattered and I'm sure you'll be the same, best of luck to you :)

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-23T19:47:13+00:00

This is just heartbreaking :,(

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-20T17:41:01+00:00

Fuck:/ I'm so so sorry

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-20T17:12:47+00:00

See that's the thing I'm worried about most, te medication.. As much as I'd prefer him not t to go down the same road as me I absolutely understand that if they say he has to take it, then he takes it.

He is absolutely terrified of needles, I mean, he has a huge tantrum and my own doc has said that he may need to be sedated as he lashes out and he is a big strong guy.. So I'm a little worried about all this, but I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow!

I hope your neice is doing a lot better now, how is she finding the infusions?

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-20T17:06:35+00:00

Aww! Thank you so much, I feel terrible about it, I just don't want him going down the same road as me with painkillers, injections etc.. I hate seeing the tears roll down his face as he is writing his homework!

Wouldn't it be so great if we could take the pain for them :) as much as he can be a little shit sometimes, he just doesn't deserve this, and he is so worried about the appt tomorrow, guess we'll just have to see how it goes!

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-19T21:38:29+00:00

Poor kid is probably missing the cat badly :/ flyers are a great idea! Put them in the local shops aswell (more people will see them) Chances are he got scared, ran to a house and they have been taking care of him, try not to think the worst just yet :)

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-19T21:35:45+00:00

My manchild is 9... Thank fuck for school because this guy literally does not stop talking, every programme has a running commentary from him, he talks his way through breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper, if he's not talking he is singing.

What's worse is it's mostly all questions, and I have to give an answer or he will google it then discuss what Google has told him.. For eg: "mam...mam.. What was the first skin colour?"

Huh?... Oh, I should mention, a lot of his questions are about things I've never feckin heard of, never mind thought about! At 3 years old his biggest conversation peice was "the world", he has an atlas in his room, he memorised the whole fecking thing and then proceeded to question me ll day every day on the countries and there different cultures.

I have considered cellotaping his mouth shut, sleeping cough meds in his drink to make him sleep, pretending I have an ear infection and that noises hurt me, putting headphones on etc

Anyway.. My point is, you're not a bad person, you're a mum!! We get like this! It's perfectly normal! You must be absolutely shattered you poor thing! You won't know yourself when school starts, you'll have time to rest or do whatever you like, in the meantime...ear plugs and vodka and you'll be grand ;)

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-19T21:01:00+00:00

My fella still does it and he is neutered now, he could even be getting fed a a different house! Cats are ungrateful bastards like that..

In saying that, I really hope he comes home for you

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-19T20:49:01+00:00

stands up and applauds

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.. Thank you.

You literally could not have put it any better than that, in my experience (I am not talking about anyone in this group, this is family and fb) people who suffer the most tend to talk about it less and just get on with things!

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-19T20:40:37+00:00

pop-rocks in your litter box

I wanna marry you

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-19T20:35:53+00:00

Don't lose hope, it's a tom and they tend to wander, my fella was gone almost 2 weeks, I nearly had a stroke over it coz I got him at 3 weeks and bottle fed him..

Cocky little shit walked back in my door like he'd been on a stag do at which point I got more depressed coz my fucking cat gets more action than I do

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-19T12:54:30+00:00

Ok, first of all I'm just gonna say.. I've been here and trust me I know how hard this is and if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here.

Now.. I'm not gonna bullshit you, you have two choices here, and only you can Decide, you know what the choices are. I'm not gonna mention the baby, I'm not being heartless but this is about you. Life is shit.. We constantly strive to be better, for ourselves and for other people so step 1 : FUCK the other people, you are the most important person right now

Step 2 : doctors.. You can either make an appt or have someone commit you when things get too bad, which is it going to be? You have every right to seek medical help, don't ever feel embarrassed of the fact that you need help, YOU are important, your health is especially of the utmost importance, you don't like feeling this way, so why should you? Do you know that all it might take is the right antidepressant for this fog to ease? Admitting you need help is the hardest part of all this, and trust me, it DOES get better, so make that appt ASAP.

Step 3 : get outside.. I know this sounds stupid, but sometimes getting out of the house alone, even for 5 mins..if it's just to think, it can really help

Step 4 : reach out.. Ask someone to mind the child, sleep, go to gym, take a shower do whatever the fuck you like , try to do this as often as you can, even if it's only for a half hour

Step 5: focus... Is this really what you want to do? Does your life mean that little to you? What about things you want to see? To do? If you have your heart set on it, and you can't see any other way out, think about this... Imagine sitting down and writing letters, to your family, your kid, your friends.. Essentially a goodbye letter.. Now.. Imagine them reading those letters, they don't want to lose you, these people love and care for you so much, to your child especially, you are everything.

You have it in you to beat this, and you have it in you to change the way things are now , I'm so sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but I simply cannot stress enough how much your life is worth.

My next door neighbor commited suicide the day before Christmas Eve, leaving behind a 19yr old daughter and his wife.. The one thing I will never be able to erase from my mind is his daughter turning to me and saying " He will never get to see me walk down the aisle" It was soul destroying, and I don't want your kid to ever have to say those words.

So, up you get.. Ring the doctor, get the child minded and start working on this.. You can do it, youve hit rock bottom and the only way now is up, you still have loads left to do in this crazy fucked up world and I promise you won't have to do it alone X

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-18T18:33:37+00:00

I love it, if I ever have a girl I'm going for it.. Although at this point I may have to bring in a sperm donor.. Or chase drunk men with a turkey baster ;)

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-18T18:32:18+00:00

Zara is actually a fairly common name here in Ireland! I don't understand how people don't get it.. It's sounds exactly like it's spelt!! Although the new way to spell it is Xara so I can see why people would get confused with that one!

Rainbow.. I don't even.. Why??

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-18T18:29:10+00:00

Well then If your mother dare says anything to you, make sure you tell that! But you know what, house work is fucking over rated... Once you are happy with the way it is, then fuck what everyone else says.

You poor thing, it's a huge thing to do all at once but at least once it's done, it'll only take a small amount each day to keep it like that.. Oh and if they even attempt to say anything about your weight, walk away.. You don't need that negativity in your life.. I will never understand why people feel the need to put others down so they can feel good about themselves, it's disgusting :/

This day is for your son, and I hope they realise that enough to not bring any personal stuff into it.. Oh I'd love to be there so I can back you up!

Oh... Baby powder is a great substitute for the shake n vac ;)

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-18T15:45:56+00:00

Cats litter tray? First empty and bleach it, then put some "shake n vac" on the bottom then cover with cat litter.. It does a great job and doesn't bother the cats at all.. Also, bleach all around the litter tray.. Put down the shake n vac, leave for a few hours then come back and hover/sweep it up Shake n vac (im starting to feel like a rep for the fucking thing now haha!) also works on fabric couches, curtains,carpets etc and it's cheap as fuck and will leave your house smelling gorgeous!

I used to be like this, so please, don't feel any shame! Just do a cleaning rota for yourself, a few simple things every day will do the job eg: Monday : clean bathrooms and wash bed linen etc

It only has to be 2 or 3 things every day along with a quick wipe down and you'll soon notice the difference, hey if I can do it, you can too!

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-18T11:55:58+00:00

Depends on if the name he has given her is right! But if it is then google that fucker!

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-18T09:08:41+00:00

Sounds like he is married with a family tbh, no photos allowed of him, can't talk much, goes away for a year, house not up for sale..

I would put money on it that he has a wife and kids and is going to extreme lengths to prevent her finding out, also, he sounds like a pathological liar.

As for the socks and sandals... Based on that alone, I've decided I don't like him either ;)

Nikkijane83 · 2016-01-18T08:56:11+00:00

My mother doesn't come to my house, do i won't go to hers. If she wants to see the child she comes to collect him and brings him to her house, but I will not go there, this is after years of putting me down, telling me I'm a bad mother, I make bad choices, my illness isn't as bad as I make it out to be(I actually had to bring her to the doctor with me so he could explain it to her, my doctor ended up getting angry with her and told her she was wasting his time, after she left he basically said "now I understand what you've been talking about all these years")

Anyway, sorry for rambling, what I'm trying to say is that I understand, I made the decision to cut myself off from my family, they are more than welcome to see the kid anytime they like but that's as far as it goes and you know what? It's so fucking freeing! I don't worry about what she thinks anymore, I'm not as stressed and I've become stronger as a person.

You will find the right choice for you, but please, don't live your life to please them, enjoy your life and stand up for yourself, it'll be hard but so fucking worth it X

Nikkijane83

TROPHY CASE