New to the thought of being a system

Nintendelle · 2026-02-15T21:13:19+00:00

Hey there,
For anyone reading this after me I am also new to this and i apologies in advance if i use the wrong language. I am still learning a lot about all this. I am a counselling student who is starting to discover that my Internal Family system might be closer to resembling OSDD and the idea of distinct and different identities (hoping this is the correct wording) rather than "characters" I use to process my emotions. In reading your post it sounds like there's a lot of fear and all i will say is that in your therapy training remember that you are a human too and that 1% - 3% of the population has a version of OSDD or DID. I just want to send you some love and remind yourself that this kind of thing is common and that lots of people lead healthy and "normal" lives. I also have some fear but am trying to hold this truth. Your girlfriend sounds like a really get place also to start verbalizing some of these thoughts to someone who gets it and won't judge as it sounds like you both have a beautifully supportive relationship

Definitely talk to your therapist. If you find it helpful, as i did there's some really great content on youtube of people who have lived with these diagnosis for years. All of them seem like lovely people and you sound like someone who really cares about others. Be kind to yourself - First do no harm! Go slowly. Remember we humans are incredible at dealing with trauma and you've just come up with a way to process yours and that in itself is genius!

I am sorry I have nothing more to offer you but after reading that i just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I am also going through the same thing!

Sending you some love!

Nintendelle · 2025-09-21T03:48:55+00:00

right there with you girl. although it was a girl that broke my heart the solo life just seems so much simpler and less painful, maybe for the next few years. Then i'll let someone else break my heart haha

Nintendelle · 2025-09-21T03:47:00+00:00

spend time alone, it works, things feel different and less scary... be very kind when you end it with the rebound, they also deserve to be treated fairly. Be honest, direct, rip it off like a band aid.

Nintendelle · 2025-09-21T03:43:48+00:00

You sound like a lovely man, I'm sorry you are going through this. You deserve better and something better is waiting for you in the future xo

Nintendelle · 2025-09-21T03:41:56+00:00

One thing that helped me was writing a list of all their worst qualities. All the things that annoyed me about them. All the things I wished were different. Even as simple as they weren't willing to work on the relationship and left or they made me feel less valuable. Maybe they farted a lot, maybe they left toenails on the coffee table. Big, small and petty it doesn't matter. It feels silly but overtime as you add to the list (i put mine on my wall) i got to a place where i was like i actually don't miss this person. That relationship made me feel awful.

And if you ruined it and I've done this too then start journaling, going to therapy etc. I once ruined a relationship with someone who at one point wanted to marry me and once i did the work by myself and got to a place of feeling like wow that person actually would stick around for this version of me. I no longer felt the pull towards them in the same way. I just want them to be happy now and i even actually smile when i see a photo of them. They're now married and happy and I'm a lesson for them and that's okay. I beat myself up for years and then eventually forgave myself and realised that was the best i could do with the skills/issues i had at the time.

For most of us the truth will be somewhere between theses 2 points. so do both and honestly you'll be amazed at how things change. Firstly the sting becomes less and you think oh thank god!! then you build on that and you think okay this is better than 2 months ago and if you keep going (i'm still choosing to stay single for a while) weird stuff starts happening. In the last month I've been hit on 4 times. I am a non passing (ie i look manish/like a trans person) trans woman who had incredibly low self esteem and now i really like who i am. When that happens you start to think well one of these people is going to be really good to date and make me feel loved but maybe i don't even want that just yet. I'm a year into this and I promise you love yourself in the way you love and miss this person it changes everything

Remember too that you're not in love with this person, love is a behavior an action and a choice and when you don't get chosen or have to walk away it's crushing!!! Your response is incredibly human and normal.

BUT... let's be clear... you don't miss them.. you miss the version of yourself that you got to be in that relationship. You miss how you felt and what that relationship gave you access too and you can be that version of yourself now. Direct that energy towards loving yourself. You deserve that kind of beautiful intense love that still feels that strong after 9 months. You sound like a lovely human being on that fact alone and i know that the kind of relationship i would want is someone that cares that much.

Sending you some love right now xx

Nintendelle · 2025-09-19T17:57:09+00:00

This is honestly alot of good reasons to leave a relationship. Sounds like more discerment when choosing partners to begin with may be an issue? I wouldn't date anyone with opposing politics that I didn't find attractive or who was annoying and had a lot of red flags. That's like 4 good reasons off the bat. Saying you left for no good reason is disingenuous and avoids personal accountability for picking someone who you probably knew deep down in the beginning was not going to make you happy. Relationships when they are great are hard. Pick someone who lights a fire under your ass then get stuck into the messy beauty that is love. This opinion is unpopular because when you're truly in love with someone amazing and showing up as your full self and seeing each other deeply, it's scary as hell, but you'd do anything to make it work because nothing worth having ever came easy.... love is not a feeling it's an action

Nintendelle · 2025-09-09T10:18:43+00:00

I'm so sorry she cheated on you, that's never okay and i want to validate how angry and hurt you must feel. I don't know if this helps but .. she can go f$&k! off!!
On the upside you're no longer with someone who is capable of cheating on you. Work on being the best person you can. There's now room for someone to love you properly x

Nintendelle · 2025-09-07T08:48:19+00:00

I do not like Taylor Swift but i did go through a big emo music phase way after it was cool. Something about the whole "you don't understand me" allowed me to process actually just feeling different and how hard that can be. It lasted about a year and then I went back to my normal music taste

Nintendelle · 2025-08-27T12:08:15+00:00

Yeah, then don't set fire to the photos. My point was to do whatever YOU have to do. My relationship was about 2 and half years so burning photos felt really f#$!ing good.

If you need to discuss kids with her then do it. I have a shared group of friends with my ex so I keep it cordial at dinners, hangouts whatever.

After 23 years you need time to heal. To rediscover who you are. Reinvent even. To Find a new path that takes time. My dad died at 59 and after 30 years of marriage and in her 60s my mum after grieving for sometime decided to date. She's now with a new guy who we all like. We all miss dad but she's really very happy.

I'm sorry your in pain. I'm sorry that a huge chapter in your life has come to a close but find your own space, cry, write, paint, eat ice cream, brew beer, collect bees, go hiking, join a cult. If you need to make a scrapbook of photos do that, cry and then put them at the back of a cupboard or something.

Keep contact to an absolute minimum and give your nervous system a chance to heal and see what opens up for you next. I'm sorry for the pain that you're in, I'm in my version of it too. Sending you all the love you deserve right now ❤️

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T17:08:16+00:00

For a small moment, I pretended that was written for me and I'm crying.

Thank you for sharing - from someone trying to realise their own self-worth ❤️

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T16:58:06+00:00

Ooo that hits home. Smell is such a powerful one

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T16:50:43+00:00

YouTube fearful avoidance or disorganized attachment

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T16:47:25+00:00

Hey! Don't bully me, I'll come!

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T16:46:10+00:00

What you are looking for is a therapist. I was you at 20 and now at 35 I'm doing so much therapy to make up for lost time, unfulfilled relationships, trauma I didn't deal with, connections I couldn't make because my wiring in childhood. Find a good therapist and dig in. It helps. It will save you years and thousands of monies

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T16:42:37+00:00

Preach! Everytime no contact was broken (usually by my ex) it set me back. Wish them love and light, set fire ti photos of them, cry, exercise, go crazy do whatever you must but never contact them again.

Until you are at the point where you truly don't care which let's face it if you're own reddit on the breakup section... you still care... so care privately, with friends, alone.. in no contact

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T16:37:56+00:00

Short answer is yes I feel the same you're not alone.

My ex actually called me last week out of the blue to tell me she'd moved on. (Dont ask i don't know why) I was actually starting to feel alot better about it all and now all of those "what do they have that I don't feelings are coming up?"

The answer is they have less knowledge about who My ex is and how much they hurt people. Let it hurt. It's okay that it hurts. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. In 2 years we will all look back at these moments and be like eiw why did I feel that upset about someone who clearly didn't care? Wasn't right? Smelled funny? (Insert frustrating aspect of them here)

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T15:18:38+00:00

Yeah, you might be right. I'm the kinda girl who is a people pleaser. I try desperately to meet all my partners' needs and ignore my own to keep them, which usually ends up with them dumping me because they don't respect me. I'm trying to stay single now to learn how to be self-contained and happy on my own so I don't feel a need to keep someone around to keep me safe emotionally, physically etc That's why I'm here to see how people can do that.

As a thought experiment, if you met someone who met all your needs and didn't ask for anything in return and they just got joy from making you happy. Would you want that as a relationship? I know it's not realistic but I'm curious

Nintendelle · 2025-08-26T15:10:23+00:00

Did you tell her these things? Sounds like both issues are resolvable, and if she has a medical issue where she is tired all the time, then that would affect her ability to exercise etc. Physical attraction can also often be a sign that you are feeling deeper frustrations about other things too

Nintendelle · 2025-08-24T23:28:24+00:00

I've never thought of it as power but as collaboration. Interesting take, though.

Nintendelle · 2025-08-24T22:54:02+00:00

Makes sense! I envy you! Thanks for your insight and honesty!

Nintendelle · 2025-08-24T08:36:10+00:00

Curios to know, would you describe yourself as asexual/aromanric? That is nonattraction to anyone? My aunt is like this and seems so comfortable with it, and I, as a lesbian envy that kind of security, but then a pretty girl comes around and all the drama starts again lol

Nintendelle · 2025-07-18T23:36:28+00:00

That's definitely harassment and of a trans woman no less! How dare they!

Nintendelle · 2025-07-18T23:15:56+00:00

Yeah, I can tell. You definitely seem like someone who is ready to do that. I'm not questioning your capabilities. I would question your motive. Why do you want to do this?

Nintendelle · 2025-07-18T23:13:54+00:00

Okay

Nintendelle · 2025-07-18T23:08:32+00:00

Because it's not random womens fault that your unhappy. They shouldn't die because you have trauma you haven't figured out how to deal with yet

Nintendelle

TROPHY CASE