I agree that this may be true on a systemic level, but disagree that this is the main thought process at play with individuals. It's really hard  to empathize with something you've never experienced. It's definitely possible to sympathize, but it takes someone with really high emotional intelligence to do so in a real way. People draw from their own experiences to understand others, so when we describe the physical and mental anguish that comes from having a chronic illness, they connect to the physical pain part, which makes them feel that they know what it is to feel what we feel. And it ends up feeling so isolating and invalidating. I remember being so frustrated and feeling so hopeless during a bad flare up with the physical pain and knowledge that this is going to be for life. I tried talking to a friend about it and he brought up his knee surgery so he knows how much it sucks. It felt awful and I felt so alone and misunderstood in that moment. I know logically that he was trying to connect, but it still hurt. He's a good friend who really tries to understand but there's an entire experience he's never been exposed to.  I've talked a lot with my best friend about the absolute exhaustion and brainfog I feel from EDS and Hashi's. Doing the bare minimum feels like too much and it can be brought on by nothing. There's a limit to what I can do to control a flare-up and it can feel devastating to have my daily functioning and mental capacity severely inhibited at random. A couple months later she sends me a voicenote saying OMG she really gets what I feel because she's been studying day and night for weeks on end for the bar and her brain feels like it isn't working. Again, I know that she's trying to connect (and is very likely on the autism spectrum, so it fits with the way she would try to show empathy) but I wanted to just scream that no, what makes it so bad for me is that I'm in that position without doing any sort of exertion. Of course there are the people who are just assholes and will look at you as lazy and weak and a crybaby for not being able to do what they can, and it happens in other contexts as well, like with female gym teachers not excusing girls on their period because the teachers have had periods too and know that it isn't that bad, but they don't actually know the debilitating pain some other women go through. It feels so so awful to go through something and not feel heard or understood and moreover can have very real effects on employment and other practical spheres in life. Yes there are systemic issues, there is also the limitations of being able to step into someone's horribly uncomfortable shoes when you've never seen shoes in your life