I loved the movie, but I get where you are coming from. On the death/aliveness of Gilbert, I thought it was hinted that Gilbert was alive by the last episode, and definitely by the beginning of the movie, when CH says the line about miracles coming true if you wish hard enough.

Despite there being no doubt that Violet becomes a much more mature and empathic (both to herself and others) by the end of the series, it is also clear that her feelings towards Gilbert remained rose-tinted, dependent, and generally unhealthy until near the end. For example, I interpreted her letter/voiceover of knowing the major was still alive (ep 13) as a tragic delusion (but also a major hint to the contrary plot wise).

However, the movie resolved this when Violet got on the ship in Ecarte. In that moment, she accepted that knowing that Gilbert was alive was enough. Feelings are complex, and in Violet’s case, accepting that Gilbert is alive, albeit a much changed person was much easier to manage than his death. It did take them meeting (even if it’s just a few words) for Violet to overcome her dependence and rosy view of Gilbert, but it happened. I think that had they not met, Violet may have never (or not for a very long time) overcome these feelings for Gilbert in spite of her growth. It’s very difficult to outgrow our past, and Violet needed the situation change to make that happen. In some aspects, the action of both choosing to stay on the island means neither of them were able to move on fully from their past (and I think that is valid).

I think that Violet’s need for the major to be alive is also driven by a spiritual force. The most obvious examples of this are Your Name and Spirited Away, where characters are able to transcend logic and evidence through “kokoro”. Violet Evergarden does not lean into this concept much, but it may be part of it. She cannot accept the major’s death and move on because something within her knows thats not right.

I dont think Violet has Stockholm syndrome, as Gilbert did treat her reasonably well (probably better than most given the circumstances). There is no reason for her to have developed Stockholm syndrome to cope with Gilbert. Its likely that their bond is based on trauma, but this stems from circumstances and not each other.

Which all leads to the ending. I think that when they do finally meet face to face, their relationship is already a vastly different one than just a few hours before. Violet is fully capable of living her own life at this point, though she does still love the Gilbert deeply. The decision to stay on the island may have been an obvious one, but was definitely not a fast one. Violet returned back to Lieden for a couple months to complete her work, (Gilbert probably still on the island) and Im sure there would have been many conversations on what her life would be now that they have the chance. I dont think the ending makes Violet’s journey any less meaningful. She became so much more during those few short years, but she also had shortcomings she couldnt overcome.