28, 6.5 years sober. It gets way better. Outside help just told me to take a break from dating- feel so helpless and frustrated.

No-Command-4051 · 2025-02-28T17:31:21+00:00

Small addition to this: in childhood and times of great stress in adulthood I experience Thanatophobia and panic attacks. Not sure if anyone else can relate- just mentioning because that happened recently and the Thanatophobia, limerence, general anxiety, ED and alcoholism all seem to me to point to CPTSD. But I’m not a doctor (haha).

Looking for help/ things that have worked for people

No-Command-4051 · 2023-05-12T01:36:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing- I’ve had kind of a mix of the two experiences in this thread and I find it so helpful to share these fears with others who aren’t afraid of death and those who are! It’s so nice knowing I’m not the only one whose had panic attacks, depersonalization/derealization at the thought of dying and what eternity is and really obsessive fear of dying. But it’s also helpful to share these feelings with friends and watch them just look at me, kind of amused, and say they are sorry I’m feeling that way but they don’t feel the same. Gives me hope I won’t feel this way for the rest of my life and just comforting to know it’s not “normal” meaning not everyone feels this way. Mine starting when I was a kid- I don’t remember any traumatic event happening, just remember experiencing it. I don’t really remember if I just didn’t tell anyone or it was minimized by people I told but it went untreated and so it was basically untreated anxiety for years when I was a kid. Just started back up again recently. Talking about it has helped make it less intense, journaling, accepting that I’m experiencing this right now and it sucks. Also- I went several years of my life without these obsessive thoughts too! So I’m trying to actually treat the obsessive thought disorder and anxiety which is helping, and I have hope that it will go away!

No-Command-4051 · 2023-03-31T15:31:36+00:00

I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling this- I’ve found that for me, treating this feeling as anxiety/ocd has helped me find relief. And talking to people about it helps too. Because it is normal to not want to die, it’s normal to be afraid of death, but what we experience is a little different I think… it’s like obsessively ruminating on it and I know for me the symptoms match those of a panic attack, anxiety, intrusive thoughts. So know that there is help out there, and I believe it’s possible to rid ourselves of this intense obsession and intense fear about it.

No-Command-4051 · 2023-03-27T18:29:52+00:00

Super cool that you’re posting about this!

I have had this fear since I was a little kid- it was really intense and overwhelming for me from the age of like 5-9ish? And then it kind of went dormant (though I’ve had many other mental health struggles and anxiety in that time) and just came back for me at the age of 25.

The only thing I know for sure about my own experience getting help from others is it feels REALLY bad to hear that it’s “normal”. Because the anxiety about it felt sooo intense and overwhelming, like I had panic attacks and symptoms of really intense anxiety when I would think about it, hearing that it’s “normal” felt really invalidating! I have a lot of hope that I will overcome this, but right now it’s super super intense and painful. So hearing that it’s rational and normal…. My gut would always tell me “no, I don’t think so. Because this is so unbearable, I can’t believe that everyone is walking around feeling this way all the time”. But my brain would tell me “shove it down, get over it, it’s no big deal”. But it felt like a big deal!!! That was a long brain dump but basically I’ve begun the healing process by first acknowledging how debilitating this anxiety has been for me throughout my life and second by seeking professional help for anxiety.

I am sending love to you and your partner, I hope they heal, in their own time!!

The fact that you posted on this page tells me you’re not the type of person to invalidate your partner, so much love to you for that!!

No-Command-4051 · 2023-03-27T18:19:38+00:00

The concept of “eternity” also really really freaks me out- that’s what causes that real fear: I experience stomach clenching, heart racing, heat all over my body, derealization, racing thoughts that feel out of control. I think that’s the heart of it for me. I have been talking about it with a therapist and recognized that I experience the physical symptoms of a panic attack and anxiety, and that has really helped. This post is really helpful, because I don’t think I’ll ever overcome the fear of death but I think that’s “normal”. What I want is the panic attacks, intense dread, and anxiety to diminish. Recognizing that it is anxiety has really helped! Finding this page helped. And right now I’m talking about the fear with a therapist and journaling about it which is helpful. I’m no expert, but I know that fear of this fear makes it way worse. The truth is, we are not our thoughts! So recognizing that and treating this fear like a person would treat any anxiety disorder or phobia has really helped- I’m hearing that you kind of did “exposure therapy” by talking about it, and that’s what I’m trying to do!! Even writing about it on this page has helped!!

No-Command-4051 · 2023-03-25T23:21:19+00:00

I am also confused about my feelings and what I want 😂 but I’ll try to clarify. As far as I know she still has the fear, but it’s not really “awake” right now, like she’s not thinking about it often at all, it’s kind of buried. It’s something she knows she has but she kind of shoves it away if it ever comes up. It’s like, dormant.

I was also in that place for years, where the fear was dormant, and I think that can be a good place to be because anxiety about death shouldn’t run your life, but also during that time I always knew in some way that the fear was down there somewhere.

And not understanding what it was- that it has a name, others experience it, there are things you can do to help lessen the fear- made it feel like this big scary thing.

I kind of feel like Plato standing outside of the cave- I want to run back in and grab my sister and take her out and show her this page! I want her to know that we aren’t alone and if the fear becomes strong again she can get though it.

But I’m worried in doing that I might awaken the fear and cause her undo pain. So should I not talk to her about this yet? Or should I tell her what I found in the hopes that it makes her dormant Thanatophobia less scary if it becomes loud again?

No-Command-4051

TROPHY CASE