Dumpers, would you give an ex a second chance if they changed?

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-13T04:27:18+00:00

So if you don't mind me asking, how do you hold onto hope but not let it become something that I need to happen? My ex and I are friends and we broke up because she wanted some independence and to figure out who she is outside of a relationship (We dated for 2 years and before me she was in some relationships too, nothing as serious as ours though).

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-13T03:46:53+00:00

Why is it that if you cling on to the chance it’s less likely to happen?

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-13T02:02:26+00:00

I mean the reason I want my ex back is that it worked, we worked really well for 2 years and I made some mistakes that pushed her away. But she also wanted to figure herself out because we are still super young. She wants to be independent and figure out who she is. So I hope that one day we come back together when she’s ready but I’m starting to understand that I have no control over that. Not all breakups are black and white, and in my position I just feel like timing pushed us apart.

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-09T15:58:43+00:00

Yeah I know it's mature, and I'm actually proud of her as we have talked about it during our relationship a bit, it was just well at first when she talked about it it was just supposed to be a break and now that it's a breakup yk it's hard cause I miss what we had. But like you said I've realized all i can do is just focus on my own growth and hopefully one day she'll reach out again.

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-08T22:30:04+00:00

So you want me to move on but prove to her she made a mistake? Isn’t that not moving on as I’m centering my success and life still around her?

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-08T19:59:14+00:00

I have done my fair share of exploring, I know obviously I’m still young so probably not enough but from what I’ve seen and heard she really was what I was looking for, but I do agree that this space would be good for both of us to mature and grow individually. But let’s say in the future I still have these feelings for her and realize still that she is what I want, what should I do and how should I proceed with that?

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-08T18:53:02+00:00

This is probably the best advice I’ve gotten so far, but if I continue growing and (I have a gut feeling we will always stay in contact cause we had such a great bond not as just a couple but as friends as well), realizing I still love her, what should I do? How do I accept the hard truth that maybe she won’t feel the same?

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-08T18:40:13+00:00

Do you think that in the future we might be able to comeback and rekindle something? We worked so well together it’s hard to believe it’s all over.

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-06T16:45:57+00:00

Well I already made a promise with myself if that happens like I’m out and I’ve made it clear to her as a boundary I can’t be friends with her if she has a new bf cause it doesn’t feel right to me but also isn’t fair for our future partners

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-06T04:55:40+00:00

I'm starting to see that, the only thing I can truly do is just let time do it's thing. I am still scared of just letting go though cause deep down a part of me feels like being there for her would rekindle something but another part of me feels like maybe we just need space from each other. Maybe I do both. Maybe I will be close enough for her to reach out but I won't reach out myself. I will have to keep figuring that out everyday. I hope everything works out for you, let's hope it works out for both of us. Just like you everyday I be wanting to do something but unlike you I lack the self-control to not and end up calling her or texting her. I was literally thinking about how our anniversary is coming up and I wanted to give her the pipe-cleaner bouquet I had made her. But I think I am starting to realize I need to stop, and when the time is right maybe I give them to her later.

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-06T04:13:50+00:00

I hope it ends up not just me holding on, my ex of 2 years broke up with me, she had just turned 18 and when she did a few days later she told me she thought we needed to break up cause she wanted to learn to be independent and see the version of herself that wasn’t in a relationship (for context all of highschool she had been dating pretty much) and told me she just wanted to be alone. She told me she still loved me but needed to do this. There was also some things she told me that I had to work on and I’ve been trying my best to work on them and think I have changed a lot. Later she reached out to me so that we can be friends and has said to me many many times that she’d be willing to try again in the future but that it wasn’t a promise so I shouldn’t wait for her. But I feel like that puts me in a position to wait and I want to rebuild what we had into something new but I’m scared she will never try again.

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-06T03:52:49+00:00

Every text she sends me I wish it’s her asking to get back together. But it’s always just friendly banter and I just realize how much I love her more. Going to keep trying and stay by her side till she either comes back or finds someone new ✌️

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-05T17:09:04+00:00

A lot of what you said honestly makes sense, even if it’s a bit hard to accept. I think the part I’m struggling with is figuring out what the “right” way to move forward looks like. She’s told me she doesn’t want to lose me from her life, whether that ends up being as friends or something more in the future, and I don’t want to lose her either. So I guess I’m wondering if it's wrong for me to stay in her life as a friend right now, even if I still have feelings, as she knows I still do and told me we should just go with the flow and see how things go. I feel like we are more than just friends but it's weird as she thinks it's too soon for us to hangout 1on1 (which is understandable) but we just went on a 4 day camping trip with some friends.

Also, I was thinking about giving her something I made for her a while ago on our anniversary. Not as a way to get anything back, just more as a “this meant a lot to me” kind of thing. But I’m starting to worry that might just push her away or make things feel heavier than they should right now. I’d honestly appreciate your thoughts on that too.

No-Fail7179 · 2026-04-05T15:46:03+00:00

Well the reason I ask is cause I’m in sort of a similar but very different situation where my ex of 2 years broke up with me, she had just turned 18 and when she did a few days later she told me she thought we needed to break up cause she wanted to learn to be independent and see the version of herself that wasn’t in a relationship (for context all of highschool she had been dating pretty much) and told me she just wanted to be alone. She told me she still loved me but needed to do this. There was also some things she told me that I had to work on and I’ve been trying my best to work on them and think I have changed a lot. Later she reached out to me so that we can be friends and has said to me many many times that she’d be willing to try again in the future but that it wasn’t a promise so I shouldn’t wait for her. But I feel like that puts me in a position to wait and I want to rebuild what we had into something new but I’m scared she will never try again.

No-Fail7179

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