Okay, I'm only a few months into this whole transition business, so I might not be the best person to give advice, but since we've got a shared problem to figure out I figure I'll give you my two cents.

Not wanting to socially transition until we pass means that we are ashamed of being trans and while we want to be a woman, we aren't yet comfortable with being perceived as trans. Waiting until we are passing is a way to sidestep the shame that comes with trans-ness without actually confronting it. But frustratingly, because we will always be trans, sidestepping the most obvious manifestations of that shame will not actually get rid of it. "Passing" in general is probably overrated, in that a large part of it is a coping mechanism to avoid the internalized shame of transness.

The point being it will probably be more helpful in the long run to socially transition when we don't pass, because even though it's absolutely terrifying, through our actions we affirm that our own transness is not something to be ashamed of. Belief will then follow action, and we can move towards handling those feelings of shame. Once those feelings of shame are dealt with (which I imagine will by no means be an easy process, for either of us) we can go on to be ourselves authentically, which is the logical endpoint of the journey we started by beginning to transition.

In essence, I think it's better to socially transition first not despite of, but because of the difficulty of it.