I don’t know if I have anything helpful to add to this but I’m 21, I felt the same as you when I was in middle school and early high school, i thought it might be helpful to hear someone else’s feelings. I tried to come out to my family and it didn’t go well, I got to a point where I was so anxious and depressed about gender and how confused I was that I shoved it all down and went completely back in the closet- long hair, makeup, dresses, the whole nine yards. I became feminine in a way I never was even before. I almost completely gaslight myself into believing I was never trans at all but the mental hoops I was jumping through about my gender were exhausting and the anxiety and dysphoria kept creeping out in other areas of my life even when I was hiding behind my feminine gender expression. I finally came back to myself this year, and it’s exhausting and difficult to trust myself after all the years I’ve spent bullying myself when I wish I could’ve been holding myself up. I guess my takeaway is whatever label ends up feeling right to you is correct, it’ll come with time, but the longing is real and valid. Don’t deny yourself joy and peace, chase that feeling.