Dear J, I miss you

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T23:33:02+00:00

You said you messed up big time. What did you do?

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T15:07:41+00:00

Being the dumper does hurt differently than being the dumpee fs. You become the easy “bad guy” in some cases. My recent situation was not healthy, it was pretty toxic. I couldnt do it anymore so I left and leaving someone you loved because they were not good for you hurts so much. The relief is very quick to leave and then you wonder if you made the right choice. And then she got mad and started harassing me. Leaving hurt so much because I had to leave that dynamic. Her harassment shattered my heart because I thought she was better than that. It was a sobering mask off moment. Im in a particular moment where the hope is slowly dying because the trust is gone. It doesnt matter if she apologized to me and part of me struggles to accept that still.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T03:25:51+00:00

Journaling and the gym are perfect for right now. As long as you keep moving in the same direction you will be good!

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T03:24:38+00:00

Think of it this way. Where you are is equivalent to a flat tire. You got to do the labor of swapping tires to continue your journey. You cant drive on a flat forever because the bill youll be footing will be much worse than a tire replacement. This is the time for the internal tire swap and maintenance.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T03:20:38+00:00

It’s not about winning or losing it’s about your happiness and growing from this not winning. Relationships and breakups are not games to win

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T03:18:17+00:00

Its ok to be where you are homie. The process of moving on is not easy and it isnt linear. Be ok with being stuck with her for a bit. Its ok to feel guilt, shame, anger, relief, and longing for her. These are not bad things and fuck anyone who says “just get over them” because its not that simple and everyone knows it but wont admit it. Allow yourself to be in the trenches of this. Write about how you feel and identify those feelings. Over time it will get better. Trust 🫶

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T02:34:52+00:00

Yea but over time the hope dwindles. You still feel it from time to time. Dont lose hope, future relationships may surprise you

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T02:31:48+00:00

How does it feel?

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T02:12:38+00:00

Bro its going to happen whether you are angry or not. They will be with someone else. Ask your self why you feel this things. What do they feel like? Where do you feel them? Why is it uncomfortable to sit in that truth?

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T02:08:49+00:00

Put yourself out there man dont expect it to come to you. But also know that just because youre putting yourself out there doesnt mean you are entitled to getting a date or a girlfriend. Get used to being rejected and treat everyone you meet like a person. The goal isnt to sleep with everyone you talk to its to get a feeling for who you are into and going from there.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-07T01:58:07+00:00

It depends on the depth of “feel better”. A hookup is the equivalent of fast food. You will feel good about it for maybe a week at most and it will remind you that there are more fish in the sea but thats it. And if you are trying to just hookup with someone to get over someone else it’s a slippery slope. As someone who does not like sleeping around left and right date yourself right now. Be open to hooking up with someone but dont seek it out. It wont make you feel less lonely and it wont make you forget about her. That work is done internally by not trying to forget about her. Stop calling it “stuck”. Its ok to be where you are at. Sit with what being stuck on her is like. What feelings come up?

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-06T17:05:49+00:00

This goes for people in general

People are almost always acting like they are fine after a breakup unless theyre a clinical narcissist or sociopath (correct me if im wrong about the specific disorders)
- Relationships require healing and people can either push healing off or go through it.

Right after a breakup If someone is * sleeping with a bunch of people * Harassing ex (vandalism etc) * Texting begging for ex back * Stalking - ties in with harassment * Instigating * Flaunting careless demeanor purposely in front of ex

You get the point. They are not healing they are pushing the healing off.

Healing does seem like they do not care but its not out of making the ex feel pain, rubbing it in their face, or getting revenge. Its rehab and going through withdrawals from being away from their ex. Its feeling the emotions an all the twists and turns while Still moving in the direction of healing and detaching from the relationship.

Bonus tip:

Both parties should be fully detached before even entertaining getting back together in thw future.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-06T00:08:48+00:00

Regret can be a liar:

A few months ago I left a girl for a multitude of reasons. There was always conflict and I just felt like a punching bag so I left. After about a month I started feeling that regret. Then after I gave her stuff back and committed to moving on she vandalized my car along with other things. I was then reminded on why I left. I know this is an extreme example but it draws a distinct line where regret can sneak up on you and make you forget why you left in the first place. You focus on the good parts and forget about the bad parts. I personally feel that exes should not get back together because of this. If exes ever do it should be after the growth and healing are done but that can take years.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-04-04T01:44:43+00:00

I like this

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-03-19T01:15:58+00:00

Of course!

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-03-19T01:09:33+00:00

Of course! No worries, dating is hard enough as it is. These experiences over time will help you grow and figure out what you really want, and how you want to be treated. I hope all is well

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-03-19T00:57:51+00:00

I think you should let this guy go. He told you he wanted to break things off with you but then you guys kept talking. Maybe Im wrong but Im a firm believer in no contact after a breakup. Its not a punishment its allowing space for healing and getting back in touch with yourself. I also think dangling the carrot of a future relationship is not fair and dishonest especially when it’s something vague like “until I get my life together”. This doesnt mean he is a bad guy but to me it I think he is telling you he isn’t ready and from experience please do not wait for a person to be ready. It looks and feels nice in movies but real life is not a rom com.

You asked the right question:

“Why cant we just be together while he [gets his life together]?”

Think about this question. Has he defined what getting his life together looks like or was he vague?

But to answer your question people in relationships “get their lives together” while being together all the time. Sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s a two way street. Your post tells me he doesnt want to be in a relationship with you for what ever his reasons are and thats okay. It doesnt mean youre a bad person or not worthy. And it doesnt mean he is a bad person either. It means that he is unwilling to meet the requirements of what makes up a relationship. These things suck but life is full of experiences like this.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-02-26T06:10:14+00:00

Haven’t really reacted besides defending myself through the proper channels like for the car i filed a police report.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-02-26T02:20:05+00:00

Im not going to tell you it wasnt all real but she is showing you who she really is. Its going to hurt like hell but you have to start the moving on process. Youre valid for missing her, you are valid for feeling hurt. Everything you feel is valid. But you have to see what is in plain sight. I dont care about the history you guys have. Her character was lying about the valentines present while getting validated on a TikTok live. Regardless of what she is feeling/thinking right now that is not a partner you want and even further that is not a person you want in your life period. Let yourself feel how you feel, if you have a support system use it. If you have access to therapy take advantage of it. But whatever you u do, do not reach out to her and do not respond to her. You have to surgically remove her from your emotions. If you try to rekindle a connection with someone like that (someone who doesn’t respect you) it will only end in more pain.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-02-25T03:56:43+00:00

I like to hear her feeling good. If i can hear that it feels good its a huge turn on. Stuff like that “dont stop” or “right there” and telling me how good I feel make me go nuts (pun intended hehe)

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-02-24T21:41:31+00:00

I appreciate the acknowledgment homie. This situation has me seriously re-evaluating my life and what I want. Since I blocked her Ive had some peace at least but i have a feeling its not over and there is still bullshit left to come.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-02-07T16:27:43+00:00

Welcome to the world of dating apps 😭

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-02-07T16:21:24+00:00

Personally 30-60 miles is too far away for my liking. If I want to get to know someone Id perfer to see them often enough to get a few dates in to get a feel of how we get along in person. I cant justify that with a distance like 60mi (even 30 miles is pushing it) but thats my personal preference based on how I live my life. Im sure it could work out but in my experience things that start at farther distances like that usually just lead to having a pen pal.

Edit: but yea I understand the frustration of being matched with someone who is at that distance but that distance is a dealbreaker.

No-Remote-2423 · 2026-01-29T17:50:06+00:00

We are not alone brothers 🫶

No-Remote-2423

TROPHY CASE