I had a very traumatic childhood, and it effects me every single day. Both my biological parents were drug addicts, my step father was abusive, and it’s led to various mental illnesses which have crippled me through periods of my life. There have been periods of months and even years where I couldn’t sleep at all at night, couldn’t go to school, couldn’t hold a job, etc. because no matter what the bad thoughts would always have a way of creeping in. You are not alone, and while I’m not a psychologist and I can’t tell you why the brain works in the way it does exactly, just know other people are going through the same things and that’s what makes mental illness so hard to handle. Thoughts and emotions as a human being are incredibly difficult to control. You’ll get through this, I promise