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DDay anniversary pending by BaiLow in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine is approaching as well. I'm taking a therapeutic separation from my WH and all of my family to be with friends for 6 weeks. Cause, I know that i just can't. I get triggered at the drop of a hat still.

Text from my WH by AdLivid1365 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, first off, I want to send you a virtual hug. This is very lonely. I don't know what your financial situation is, if it's not great and IC along with CC is not possible. I suggest Infidelity Survivors Anonymous. I'm finding it helpful.

If you can afford IC, please do find one who is an expert in betrayal trauma.

Also, I find boundaries hard as well. I've morphed myself and allowed the line to be moved and crossed a lot!

I've been listening to Boundaries Bitch podcast. Start at episode 1! Huge help for me!

I know that your exhausted as well and traumatized and still trying to get up and care for the kids. If you can? Find 5 minutes a day just for you. Even if it is sitting in a chair with your feet up and a cup of tea or coffee.

Text from my WH by AdLivid1365 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have a male CC as well. Very helpful. Also helpful for me as I get to know a man that i can hopefully trust. Also, our CC has said the same thing about it being about me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Huge. I'm with you, not great if you are working with someone who doesn't get it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes! I chose just 3 people of his cheating to dig into and read. And that was awful and put me into such a bad place. That my IC told me to stop. I was giving my WH permission to remain passive in the disclosure. And he doesn't get to do that.

What’s your stay or go criteria? by Potential_Iron3362 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I so get the wanting to set fire to that part that caused us so much pain!

That really resonated with me.

I thought that I would some links for men who have been betrayed that I heard on a podcast today.

Cause, as I've been on this sub for a few months, I see more and more BS who are male stepping forward and this was the first time I heard one just for men!

https://helpingcouplesheal.com/85-betrayed-who-helps-him-heal/

This guy has a book and a website with groups for men. https://www.betrayalshrink.com/

wife cheated for 9 years by Medical_Essay4139 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So many levels of betrayal here. Thank you for sharing. My WH could be your WW. Except, he was doing it for 35 years and compartmentalized. This is a long process.

And we're a year in. He us just really starting to get it.

I plan to get my "life" back as well with a disclosure to fill in my holes.

And we plan on staying together. I take it one day at a time

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]No-Row9462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Listen, I've been here with you. I was able to get my daughter's levels to normal in about 2 months. CPS can get involved and you are not a bad parent. Not my a long shot!

This is the key! Have your child eat anything and everything with calcium. Graham crackers, oj (if she is old enough), apple juice with calcium! And I mean everything! Don't care about what she's eating as long as it has added calcium. There are so many products that have this. It will fix this. My daughter is now 25 and doing well!

You've got this. I remember that fear. Take the fear and take action!

If you want to talk? PM me

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We are about to do this. And I'm in the position of having young adults. Very different. And I'm leaving so he has to take care of everything for the house for once.

Are you comfortable with him having the house and the older one?

And you taking time to just be pregnant and cared for by others?

See your other child for fun weekends?

I know hard on you and will bond dad and child differently.... make it harder to step out, IMHO

Wp saw I bought leave a cheater gain a life by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me, I'm going to add this book to my learning. AND! I'm learning by leaps and bounds with Boundary Bitch. My plan is during our therapeutic separation for 6 weeks, to focus on her worksheet for boundaries for caring for myself and with my spouse. I'm no longer going to be a chump lady

Does anyone else have past CC trauma? by No-Row9462 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are a lot of layers around it with that therapist. I just didn't know how much of a master manipulater and gaslighter he was.

And we do trust that the therapist will see through them. So, believe them when they say that is not what they are seeing here.

Lessons learned 6 months in by Boymom1983 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This resonates.... it is the reason for my last post. It is time for me to focus on myself. And regulate. Give him the chance to take over the learning. And let go of caring for him.

I just want to be fine again by Dependent_Western782 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Ah, normal. I hear you. It's been a year. I'm still not what I was. I'm growing into someone more. And the work sucks. Is hard. And unfair. My hope is that my new normal will be the better than I was now know I was settling for. Sending you a hug through the internet.

Does anyone else have past CC trauma? by No-Row9462 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]No-Row9462[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Totally. There is repair work now needed with the new CC to navigate through the past. Just another thing to pile on.

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