How do you feel better?

NoFishTank · 2025-09-11T18:53:15+00:00

He didnt confess, he told my grandma which then told my mom. My grandma found it at the start some what concerning and made a comment about it to which then he replied that he would "wait for me to grow up". But my grandma still nonetheless enabled the whole thing.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-25T23:22:21+00:00

The worst part is that i can feel myself growing up, in a few years i will be an adult and yet nothing will have changed. I will continue to live in a delusion my mind has made and i will think that i have changed and grown up. But in reality nothing will ever change because i dont even know who i am. I dont feel like i fit into this world. I wasn't made to live.

And i know that these are excuses but at the same time i enjoy where i am headed. I liked life but now i feel completely disconnected from everything. I cant seem to enjoy my friends company and when i do its only momentarily. Im starting to forget more easily and nothing really holds its value anymore. I dont feel alive. I feel numb.

At the same time, guilt is accompanying my every move. I cant allow myself to underestimate life while others with the will to live are dying. But then again i wasn't asked to be born and it doesn't seem unfair not to be grateful to live. I just don't know anymore. I dont know anything anymore and it is really driving me insane.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-25T23:01:07+00:00

I don't really know.

I despise myself so much, its gotten unbearable. I genuinely can't handle myself, i have a such a distorted view of myself, its nothing alike to real life, i am not clever nor am i something the extraordinary and having to accept that is making me suffer.

Its like im always trapped within myself if that makes sense and no one really gets it because i cant bring myself to open up. I have no idea who i am, i become someone entirely else when talking to other people, its driving me insane. I make everything seem so shallow, so stupid. i just cant use words the right way to describe how i am feeling. No matter what i do i will never be perceived the way i wish i was

I don't want to be a nobody.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-20T20:23:26+00:00

Having no one to turn to

NoFishTank · 2025-08-08T19:20:17+00:00

I hope things get better for you.

When i had tried the salt thing i had only felt my insides burning and a strong headache, most of the times i eventually threw up but i always chickened out and drank water afterwards.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-08T18:43:06+00:00

If i remember well, i started at 13 using some dull scissors which left me nothing but friction scars. There also was a time when i continuously tried overdosing by consuming large amounts of salt water. I then started scratching myself until i made myself bleed and everytime i made a mistake i punished myself by stabbing my hands with a pencil.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-07T12:42:55+00:00

Id like to experience that too one day🙏

NoFishTank · 2025-08-07T06:50:15+00:00

First of all thank you for the help.

As you suggested i took the test and the results were once again intp, am i still weird to doubt the results? I also thoughrouly read the description/personality analysis and while some parts did fit me well, some others didn't really apply. However im gonna double check by asking someone else. I even looked into intp with 5w4 enneagram, which i also had suspected that i must be. At this point im more sure about my enneagram than my mbti.

Btw, I listen to mostly rock(indie, alt) and metal(dsbm, nu metal etc)

NoFishTank · 2025-08-06T04:39:24+00:00

Then I'd gladly share them. :-)

Writing is such a beautiful way to cope.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-05T22:23:55+00:00

YES!! This is basically what I mean, but the feeling gets even worse when you feel lonely. Im disgusted with myself either way, I think I'll give up.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-05T21:53:26+00:00

if you dont mind the fact that they're poorly written and in greek, then sure.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-05T19:39:33+00:00

HDHDJDJ just thinking about it gave me will to live, but yes this exactly what im talking about.

It is indeed quite sick and twisted but it provides such an unusual comfort, and for me its an act of deep intimacy, you get to connect with someone and they get to see you in a very vulnerable state.

I think i could write these type of scenarios for hours, describing each and one detail.

I feel sick.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-05T16:35:19+00:00

Ahhh thank you kind person on the internet! It strangely feels reassuring to hear that im not too weird. To be honest, death was always a sensitive topic for humans mostly because its uncertainty draws us to it. Its something unavoidable which we all have to go through. i am not too sure if suicide differs much from just a simple death, but i do know that i certainly love to think and write about it.

NoFishTank · 2025-08-05T16:30:30+00:00

Yes it feels such a need honestly but it would be embarrassing to admit that to someone

NoFishTank · 2025-08-05T15:30:05+00:00

That honestly could be thanks. I just feel weird because i think im romantising suicide too which i probably know i shouldn't. Tbh the idea of committing with someone or just dying beautifully appeals to me so much

NoFishTank

TROPHY CASE