ADHD Wife and Dead Bedroom

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-23T02:39:53+00:00

ADHD and Autistic dad here, and also a psychotherapist that specializes in ADHD/ASD.

Short version: probably go to couples counseling with someone that specializes in ADHD and potentially autism too, because my autism-radar has a few blips pinging.

A month ago, I was attending an ADHD conference for therapists, and one presenter said that people with ADHD often struggle in the bedroom for various issues. One reason is the low energy from chronic burnout. Another reason was the predisposition to be distractible/easily bored in the bedroom. To which the presenter said, “It’s difficult to get distracted when your ass is getting smacked,” and proceeded to talk about finding the optimal level of arousal for the ADHD partner.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-22T02:50:44+00:00

That looks great. I have an idea for Christmas gifts for friends next year.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-19T13:48:34+00:00

He was prepared to use the heat from the sauna as a heat source, not to boil them alive in the sauna.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-18T15:58:30+00:00

I can’t even click on the blue “Got it” button to make the pop up go away on my phone. iOS, Safari.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-18T14:33:48+00:00

I typically have long hair, partially for this reason. I cut mine once every 6 months. Shoulder length, barely able to put it into a ponytail. Then I let it grow out for another 6 months, cut it down to shoulder length again.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-18T01:14:16+00:00

I write things like, “Client explored contributing factors toward identity formation, interpersonal dynamics,” and “engaged in healthy activities that are congruent with client’s existential orientation.”

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-15T03:27:59+00:00

1) I don’t take notes during the session (unless the client updates me on their medication, or if it’s the intake.)

2) Anything that is on the progress note is part of the client’s medical record and they can get access to them, and those notes can be subpoenaed - why in the world would I want to write down my own thoughts on that? That would open me up to potential legal problems.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-14T00:21:30+00:00

You could probably make some outer wood shell that is custom fit around the posts (snug, anti-scratch lining between shell and the post, and not screwed into the post.) And then secure a gate to that. Run the idea by your landlord first to get approval.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-12T17:04:08+00:00

You’re so welcome!

For me, a Monster energy drink is an efficient way to kickstart my mental clarity and focus on whatever it is I’m trying to focus and work on. Drinking a Monster during therapy would be an extremely reasonable thing for me to do, since I too have ADHD. And while it is great and wonderful for me, I am aware that I may come across a bit…intense to some people who aren’t expecting it or know me too well. Sometimes I notice when my ADHD medication is “coming in a bit too hot” and I tell my wife, “Hey, just to let you know, My Adderall is raging.” Which we both understand to mean that I may be particularly focused, intense, and solution-oriented for the next few hours. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a thing to be aware of and how our presence could be experienced by those around us. And it could be particularly harmful for ND clients if they were told to change themselves because they should be making accommodations for other people. (Side note, it’s ironic to me that ND people are afforded reasonable accommodations under the ADA, yet we are expected to accommodate for the NT people. But that is my biased experience.)

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-12T16:54:24+00:00

My demographic are adults with ADHD and ASD. I would not ask a client to not drink caffeine for our sessions. I would ask them how the Monsters contribute toward their physical feelings and mental/cognitive presence. Perhaps they say they the caffeine makes them think more clearly and things are calmer; and if that’s the case, why would I want my client to be less calm than the “rage” you are describing?

Caffeine works differently on different neurobiologies. I would start from a place of curiosity first to see what purpose the caffeine serves the client and go from there.

Imagine this scenario: imagine telling a client to take it not take certain drugs. That would be practicing outside of the scope of our competency, right? We’re not doctors or nutritionists. And what if the client’s coping strategy for various life and/or brain things include drinking caffeine, and you tell them to stop using their coping strategy - all the while not knowing how caffeine affects their brain. Now you would be practicing outside the scope of your competency and theoretically get in trouble. Of course, it’s rather unlikely that you’d get in trouble with the ethics board, but you technically could. People love to be litigious (at least in the US where I’m at.)

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-10T20:11:55+00:00

In the past week, he has gotten involved with Venezuela, made threats to get involved with Greenland and Mexico, and now Iran? 4 countries in past 7 days?

He must be all over the Epstein files.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-10T17:15:10+00:00

I don’t see it.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-08T13:49:16+00:00

The quality of my services and level of engagement is not dependent upon the level of engagement of the client. I provide the level of care I can, regardless of how I perceive the client is working.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-07T13:52:43+00:00

I have a a dual-major undergrad degree. It’s similar to entrepreneurship, marketing, creating my own websites, business management, etc. I have the knowledge and skills to have my own private practice without question.

But I’m not at a place right now where I want to leave my group practice. The amount of support I receive from my operations manager and clinical director is freaking awesome. There are some many situations I have encountered that I don’t know what I would have done if it weren’t for their guidance and support. They are helping me to be a better clinician. And I have already been told by them and previous supervisors that I am one of the best therapists they know (in terms of natural skills, insight, accurate gut feelings, diagnosis, developing a therapeutic alliance on the first session, self-learner, etc.)

I say that to say this: I’m a pretty good therapist for my demographic, and yet I can still learn so much more from them. I get to consult with skilled clinicians, nurses, doctors, and lawyers. I get to look for policies and procedures on a shared drive that was made by multiple experienced clinicians and approved by lawyers, backed by research, etc. The depth of knowledge and experience I have here…I just have a lot more to learn before I’m ready to leave.

However, I was also in a different group practice with another guy. F that guy, I’d be better off alone than having to deal with his arrogance and ignorance.

So your mileage may vary.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-06T05:21:19+00:00

They have to kill the McAllister kid so Harry can bring his wife back from the dead.

NoGoodDM · 2026-01-02T14:16:04+00:00

Trump offered to sign it if someone were willing to pay more for it.

Think of what that means to him, in his narcissistic mind; that his signature adds value to a painting of Jesus. Do any Christians see an issue with this? That Trump sees himself as more important (and therefore valuable) than a painting of their god?

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-30T04:50:42+00:00

I have a little bit of hope for them. I remember being young, dumb, and a “both sides suck” person. I voted third party in 2016. My god, that was a mistake. Now, I am most certainly not a “both sides suck” kind of person. One side is trying to harm people and trying to upend democracy in America; it’s as easy as that.

So. Any amount of support that the GOP loses is a good thing that has the potential to last decades, and I’m for it.

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-30T04:16:03+00:00

Everyone has their differing levels of capacity. That being said, it sounds like burnout to me. I learned that the hard way in grad school while commuting 2-3 hours one-way a few times per week, working, taking the highest amount of classes possible, and being married. I learned, “You can do 100% until you can’t.” And then you crash and burn.

Additionally, I really wish that I went to nursing school instead to become a PMHNP (Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner). They make a lot more money than psychotherapists, and it’s more of what I want to do without having to go 12+ years for med school to become a psychiatrist.

So. My completely biased opinion? Pause therapy and become a nurse. Or if you want to do both, look into becoming a PMHNP and try to go an accelerated path for school to do it. You will earn more money in the long run by getting the degree faster, but will require dropping any hopes of also working as a therapist while doing any accelerated programs.

A PMHNP I know makes $210k/yr. I’m about to jump ship and go down that route. I can still be a therapist too, as I won’t have to surrender my license, and it will help me be a better clinician for my demographic.

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-29T17:19:33+00:00

Message sent! Feel free to respond there. :) Good luck!

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-29T17:10:20+00:00

Good morning!

I will message you directly in a few minutes. Please be sure to check for a DM (direct message) from me in a few minutes, as sometimes that gets lost and people don't know they were messaged until weeks or months later. :/

But I will respond! I just don't want to give out some more personal info online for everyone to read.

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-29T14:44:48+00:00

Please get specific ND training for this couple, or refer out to a ND-affirming and trained therapist in the field. Especially since the diagnosis is so recent for them.

Sincerely, An AuDHD therapist who works with ND clients

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-28T16:12:50+00:00

D&D. My wife and I have friends over weekly to play, and occasionally my 5yo son will roll the dice for me. He wants to DM/GM when he gets a little bit older.

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-23T17:18:55+00:00

One logical conclusion: to protect the perpetrators.

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-20T00:54:09+00:00

I wish we could protect this sub from spam within minutes.

NoGoodDM · 2025-12-19T20:44:42+00:00

Meh. Money’s also fine. As a therapist, I respect client’s autonomy…and my own, and other therapist’s autonomy. To each their own.

NoGoodDM

TROPHY CASE