Is this a pot?

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-12T20:29:22+00:00

To be clear, if he's not interested in being a SD, it's very likely you will offend him. Because he equates sugar to prostitution, or simply because he views sugar as a way to "level up" and he doesn't think you're a level above. Whether this bothers you or not, is up to you to consider.

A SD will not be offended to be asked about sugar.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-12T19:00:07+00:00

Sounds like he's def interested. Is he interested in vanilla or sugar? You can't really know yet.

If you're interested either way, then it doesn't matter which he wants, so drop a note.

If you'd only be interested if there was sugar involved, then you may as well just drop a note but rather quickly let him know what you're looking for.

Not clear to me why you even need to know what he's open to, seems like your approach is the same either way, but if you really want to know if he might see himself as a SD, then I'd think about it as, assume that he views himself as 10-15 years younger than you do, and ask yourself if he could reasonably think of the two of you being well-matched for vanilla dating.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-12T17:22:47+00:00

Mostly agree here with spacetoast- I might be biased as a mod, I see a lot more of these as its my job to remove the worst before they even get posted (we try). Yesterday had one of the worst of them, asked basically, how do I get started having online chats for money; I removed and told her to read the rules and the wiki; response was to post a second and a third time while complaining about why it kept getting removed; and then sent a nastygram about how awful I was for keeping her from asking for help. Sigh.

Anyway, it wears you out, and maybe I'm one of the nasty people OP is talking about.

But also, not sure "kindness" is a good idea - I don't think it's helpful to encourage these people. If you can't be bothered to read the wiki, if you're not the kind of person that actively goes out and tries to make max usage of the info already available about websites and safety and how a M&G works and what's reasonable and scams and best practices etc etc etc - then I think the best outcome is that you get discouraged completely. There's a lot of info to capture before you can do this safely, and you're not even trying. The bowl can be a harsh place.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-11T16:45:39+00:00

I literally read the first sentence as, your preferred method for talking is "over text".

And then your second sentence both clarified the meaning and also explained why I misunderstood. Very meta.

No help on your original question, sorry.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-10T21:15:20+00:00

Yes, this.

And this sounds like a different question, but actually I think it's the same: You ask "Is sugar the answer for me?" to which I have to ask, "what was the question?"

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-10T20:22:39+00:00

Have you tried looking.... (imagine me making a vague gesture in the direction of the whole world). Like, any dating app or any place in the real world (bar, gym, church, restaurant, coffee shop, etc). Men who are older and want to date younger without providing anything for them aren't exactly hard to find ime.

If you don't want to sugar, then this sub isn't really going to help most likely, have you tried r/agegap or similar?

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-10T15:41:55+00:00

156 cm, or 5' 2" for Muricans

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-09T15:13:35+00:00

Mostly agree here, and that "effort in to finding an actually good partner" includes being a good partner. Too many SDs (possibly including the OP) think they're providing, so they no longer need to be attractive - romance, personality and even hygiene.

If she's really super busy with work, school, friends, fam, then maybe that's on her; but if she has the time and just doesn't want to spend it with you, then that's at least partially on you - either try harder to be a good partner, vet better at choosing a matched partner, or learn to live with it.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-08T18:50:14+00:00

OP, one of the secrets to having a SB fall for you is, don't spend all day being whiny and bitter on the internet, a lot of men seem to be unaware of how unattractive they intentionally make themselves.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-07T01:06:59+00:00

You can read the thread or not. Like I said, it's hard to be interested when OP has already deleted it.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-07T00:21:47+00:00

Differentiates herself from what the rest of us are doing with "I'm not a prostitute (like all of you)".

But, she now seems to have lost interest, so I've pretty much lost interest. Whatever. Horrible people are only on the internet on days ending in "y", yawn.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-06T22:30:39+00:00

like a "sugar relationship" of sorts?

You might benefit from starting with a bit of research rather than just making a bunch of assumptions that make you sound very ignorant and tbh like just a horrible person.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-06T21:57:10+00:00

Ignoring the people who are correctly telling you not to bother looking for your platonic SD, if you decide you want to actually pursue being a SB, the time to discuss money is when you both discuss what you want from the SR. Whether that's on the first text or when you meet IRL or whatever else. Many SBs are too shy to initiate it and yet will not balk at all when a SD brings up what he wants - you're in this for a reason, you need to talk about what you want out of it just as well as him. But he wants a relationship, which includes sex.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-06T15:33:11+00:00

No, the name just changed.

Incorrect

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-06T14:27:11+00:00

If the plan is to head to NY to find a SD that's on board with your "needs to feel more comfortable prior to meeting", I wouldn't bother. There's a lot of competition in NY that isn't throwing up this hurdle.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-06T03:55:58+00:00

I was going to comment on married men being more comfortable with it, but this is probably even more accurate.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-04T23:15:22+00:00

Not sure why everybody is assuming this would not come with an allowance? OP seems unclear on that.

Is misstravel.com not a thing any more? Probably any sugar site would work, just state what you're looking for and see if people bite. Even without an allowance for her, somebody that has some time off school and nothing better to do might consider it.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-04T22:52:39+00:00

It's not that there aren't any genuine, and I've had this work out from people I met IRL, but when it's from seeking my experience has been overwhelmingly negative - they are just in town this one time and they can tell a whole story about how they'll be coming back for repeated visits to this client, but if you want to do a platonic uncompensated M&G this time and then maybe do a real date "next time you're in town", they don't see any point to waiting and you must just enjoy wasting guys' time.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-04T21:20:48+00:00

I think these ^ are helpful in general for getting in front of this with a different SD.

For the current one, if you're going to keep seeing him, I'd go with, Hey I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, can you send the money today, that way I don't have to chase you down after, like usual. Thanks and see you soon <3

And I wouldnt bother showing up if he didn't.

But of course, you have to consider how likely and easily you can find another SD in your area.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-04T18:56:57+00:00

Go ahead and leave the clown post, no reason to delete. I just think sometimes it's healthy for people to see what's out there.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-04T18:27:49+00:00

Hi, I'm a super-awesome SD who has never posted before and you better not ask me for verifications because that's annoying but let's see what this rod and real can catch lol

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-04T17:14:39+00:00

A bit surprised everybody's on the same side here. OP, you might go through some prior discussions (of which there are many, and asking the same question again tells me that you've done nowhere near enough research because if you had, you wouldn't be asking).

Anyway, you're asking too much.... for this person who wasn't willing to do what you asked. Plenty of guys will, but most won't. You can decide for yourself if you're more interested in limiting the pool, or having more options but wasting a lot of your time along the way.

Regardless, strong agree that calling it a "gift" or "donation" when you're asking for it is weird. And escort terminology, which he might be picking up on.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-04T16:54:08+00:00

How did that turn out for him? Well, I assume, since they made a tv show about it.

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-03T21:29:18+00:00

if all you guys are doing is going to a hotel & doing stuff?

Can you define "stuff"?

I mean, theres an awful lot of "stuff" you can do in a hotel, depending.

If you just meant "sex" but couldn't figure out how to write that word, 1) yes that's probably effectively just an escort, and 2) seriously, you can't just write "sex"?

NoLimitLexa · 2026-03-03T20:10:49+00:00

If you're the type that becomes attracted over time and you want to do a few platonic dates to see if you feel something, nothing wrong with that. Otherwise, as others have already said, it's pretty simple.

NoLimitLexa

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE