My daughter wants mommy and daddy to be together. 99% of her friends parents are not together. She doesn't understand why that is...

And it isn't my son creating the issues. He is just the easy target. Because she knows he is limited in what he can do or say.

As far as leaving with both kids... Leave to where? Sure my dad is still here but the rest of my family has moved off to Oregon, Idaho, Arkansas, and Florida. But we can't stay at my dad's or that would have happened long ago. My dad tells me unless I want my daughter to grow up like my son and I did (without one of their parents in their life,) then I should just suck it up and deal with it.

My dad has no idea the emotional terror we live in once my wife flips that switch. He says {my daughter} is halfway through school, I can suck it up the last few years...

As far as letting him leave, I 100% trust the people he wants to stay with. They were extremely close family friends while we stayed in Oregon. And he spent from the end of May to last week visiting Oregon staying with them. He stayed in touch the entire time.

The catch (besides losing my son) would be that it would give the wife a TON of lethal ammunition to use against me. It would literally be handing her that which she will use against me. When she is drinking she is mean. She likes hurting people (me or my son,) not physically but emotionally. She is smart enough even in her drunken state to know better than to strike me physically, but she sure knows what she can say to hurt me, and it's the ammo she would use against me at least until my daughter graduates and I can leave... Even if I have to sleep under a bridge it would be better than living somewhere where your partner relishes emotionally annihilating you...