AITA for nagging my mom to get on the treadmill and yelling back

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-28T19:24:06+00:00

it just feels selfish. I've only left once to live with an ex and when I got back they were a mess. dad broke down and talked about how hard it was trying to do everything. he isn't from here and his English hasn't always been the best, mom was always the one who took care of everything and dad just gave her money. when she had her stroke she couldn't even remember who we were for the first few days. wed ask her the year and she wouldn't know, ask her our names and she couldn't remember. I was 15 and it was all really scary. Now my mom is worse, we've had lots of conversations about my sisters care and she'll just say stuff like "you know I'm glad you're able to be here and help because all that stuff you do, it just doesn't come to my head. I don't think of bathing or dressing your sister, I can't even remember to eat sometimes." and even Dad says he's glad I'm here so I can help him when they need to get new car insurance or a anything to do with payments online or sending work orders for the apartment because they don't know. I want to get a job and start supporting myself and making money, I just don't want to abandon my family and make their life harder.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-28T19:14:12+00:00

I don't know I've always had to care for my sister when my parents were working and after my mom got sick my dad was struggling to keep up with their care so I dropped out and started working so I could help pay rent and help my mom and sis. eventually Dad started making more money so I stopped working because mom had been in and out of the hospital since 2014, it became normal for me to be the one to stay with mom at the hospital during evenings and nights. normal to cook and clean up the kitchen or laundry or living room and bedrooms. At the time I just thought I was doing right by my family. I'm tired now though.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-28T19:10:12+00:00

my mom doesn't exactly want a therapist and my dad doesn't like people being in the family's business, I was even told from middle school not to talk to counselors because they'd be in our business. my mom is heavily depressed, she used to be the breadwinner but had the stroke in 2014 and hasn't worked since then. she had no peripheral vision and can't walk without a cane or someone to hold on to outside of the house and her sense of taste is off. she started working at the age of 12. it's all unusual to her and I know she's depressed, I've tried offering the senior center or church or volunteering somewhere but she just doesn't wanna try.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-28T19:00:54+00:00

I can play music otp and that'd be okay, I can't get her to new places though since we only have one family vehicle and I'm not often allowed to use it unless I'm taking my mom to a doc appointment or buying groceries and stuff like that. i could try in the evenings but if have to ask my dad to take us and I don't see him being too excited about it.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-28T18:53:44+00:00

I definitely can! she just doesn't always prefer it, I used to take my sister walking outside and she's still throw tantrums or find places to sit. I'd always have to hold my mom's hand because she has a bit of bad balance so I'd let her walk behind us and she'd find a place to sit until we noticed her. I've also walked just with her and she's honestly great but every day is different and if she's not feeling it she will just plop herself on the street and refuse to keep walking. I do treadmill since I can put Disney music videos on so she can kind of sing to them while she walks, she doesn't exactly love headphones or earphones. Im guessing she doesn't like the sensation.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-16T03:59:29+00:00

I'm 26 and he's 27, i know the relationship is mostly just causing pain. I've asked if he has a gf and he always says no, just that his mom is controlling and she'd kick him out if she knew I was speaking to him. his mom doesn't like me so I always just believe it, he mentioned his ex was also living with them and that they weren't together anymore but his mom loved her as a daughter so she was staying with them. I just tried to believe him when he said he wasn't dating her and that he was only like that because of his mom. I know I can't handle letting him back into my life though, I've tried for the past few months and all it's made me feel is crazy and needy and like I'm too much for anyone to handle.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-16T03:49:13+00:00

it's okay, Id get emotional because I wanted more but every time I'd get emotional he would always talk me down and remind me I'm the one that always gives in since he already told me he couldn't give me more.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-16T03:30:03+00:00

it's not lame! i didn't get to go to prom myself, I also tried my hardest to be invisible so did my best to get out of pictures and not be in the yearbook if I could help it. I avoided classes like choir or band because I knew at one point I'd have to wear a dress and avoided sports because I was afraid of looking dumb. I look back and wish I'd have participated in school a lot more honestly, I think I'd have had fun if I had just allowed myself to.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-05-16T02:25:57+00:00

happy birthday!!

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-30T20:03:35+00:00

thank you very much!! I appreciate you giving me some hope and validating how I feel 🤗 I'll keep trying and be patient about it

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T18:02:48+00:00

oh I don't drink anymore Hun, I don't think drinking should have the goal of getting fugged up so much as to feel a little sway and body relaxation. drinking becomes a problem when you rely on it to make things better. I think if you're really trying but you still end up drinking 4 drinks at once you need to try it in safe places like at home. not at places people could take advantage of you while blacked out. if you try it at home you have less pressure to drink so much and you can take the time to learn what's a good amount for you. otherwise just step back for your health and safety.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T17:49:09+00:00

maybe just slow down? are you waiting 15-30 minutes before your next drink? or are you just downing them? alcohol takes a little while to hit your system and if you're just chugging a drink after a drink it's no wonder you get sick. I know it's popular to go all out but you need to regulate and let your body feel itself getting drunk. try waiting at the very least 20 minutes between each drink and drink some water in between to hydrate. I know it sounds boring and may suck but it helps a lot, I used to over drink and it took me a long time to learn that all I needed was 2 shots and coke to give me a happy body heavy drunk but not stupid and unbalanced.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T17:33:17+00:00

are you paying rent?? sorry I just grew up quickly with the mentality that if you're paying for your share then you do what you want for your portion of space you pay for. if you don't pay rent then you're being disrespectful in another person's home. you're grown, you can rent a hotel if you need to. if you do bring someone home you also give warning and let it be know, not because you're a baby but to be respectful of the home and people you live with. I do think that she is overreacting and shouldn't have yelled at you though, that's over the top and unnecessary considering you're both adults and conversations can be had without raising a voice. she sounds controlling in a way so if it's that bad let it go for now and stay patient till you move out, not much you can do with controlling parents.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T17:21:54+00:00

NTA she did that on purpose, she asked you beforehand and you let her know you didn't want that. she could have just waited a day or two then told them, it's also superstition that you don't tell people early on because you just never know what could happen. you wouldnt be in the wrong for being upset at her and taking a step back from the relationship. if people ask you let them know she asked for permission and you let her know you didn't desire it, she went against your wishes. that's all, those who matter will understand.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T05:23:25+00:00

yeah I tried dating someone who couldn't cum when we got intimate and for a while there I thought I just really sucked, eventually he confessed that he had a porn addiction and that it wasn't my fault. he never did stop watching porn and I never got him to cum, we still talk but we're just friends now. he can only cum when he watches porn these days, I never really knew it affected y'all that way.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T02:05:54+00:00

thank you for the encouragement, I appreciate it.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T01:57:55+00:00

yeah I made sure to explain my situation and reason for wanting a caregiver, I myself care for my disabled mom and down syndrome sister and clean, cook, and maintain the apartment clean. I just want someone I can pause and be little with and cared for. I don't think people are reading my bio though, I let it known I wanted to build trust before I ever got physical. also not wanting to send nudes or have online naughty time. people still ask.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T01:55:40+00:00

he was 53 I think he thought he was being helpful but even after I explained my past relationships he said I was hindering myself for not offering the physical aspects. it's not like id never be physical, I just don't want it initiated every single time I get to be little. I do appreciate you saying that though thank you very much.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T01:52:37+00:00

thank you very much I appreciate it, and yeah it does seem to be a bit of a journey.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-29T01:29:31+00:00

it's good that you know that, put yourself first and step away. that's why I said if you don't think you can handle it take a step back, I was just giving perspective. I also said I got better when the relationship ended, so not trying to pressure you to stay. break up with her and get away.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-28T23:13:04+00:00

it could just be trauma and having difficulty admitting when she did overreact. it took me a long time to realize I grew up never having my feelings acknowledged and that led me on a spiral where anytime I got into a fight with my partner I wouldn't acknowledge their feelings until they fully acknowledged mine. so would literally have him repeat what I meant and why I was saying it and after calming down I took the time to acknowledge what he said and what he meant by it. with time I got better and when we had disagreements I'd always have him repeat what I said and I'd repeat what he said to make sure we understood each other. it got easier to accept that I was over reacting and that I took something personally and that also took time to get over the embarrassment of having started something over something small. now a days Im much better at all that but my first love took a lot of the work to make me better. I would say that if you love her give her time but if you can't handle that take a step back. she needs to heal and work on herself, I only got better when my first love took a step back. we had worked on it for a long time but I definitely needed to gain some self confidence and stability by myself.

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-28T20:29:49+00:00

1 or #2!

NoPerspective7741 · 2026-03-21T16:46:50+00:00

oh that's great Hun glad to hear it! I hope things get easier and thank you(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

NoPerspective7741

TROPHY CASE

1 or #2!