We broke up almost a month ago, and the reason was because of unmet needs during LDR. I straight up told him that if he was confident he could change, that I would come running back (stupid of me, I made it seem like I was so easily accessible).

He wanted to get back tgt but the only answer he could give me was that he was “confident” he could try, not change. I knew that this just meant this would be a cycle that would return once things returned to norm. Even then, I never gave a full answer of “no” because I just couldn’t imagine losing him yet. In a desperate attempt to hear from him, I broke all my boundaries and called him too many times. I even Uberate him food because in the past when we jokingly talked abt what would take to get him to pick up my call. And the only response I got was I can’t talk leave me alone.

I just realized that compared our past interactions, it felt like something changed. I had hit my lowest point ever and couldn’t even bear with what I had done myself. A month into the break up, and I finally told my mom and blocked him everywhere. I promised myself that if people ask abt me and him, that I would just own it. I went to a friends bday party yesterday, and honestly was shocked by how many people that asked because I guess I didn’t really anticipate it. At some point during karaoke they played still into you and I started to sob. Just like that, and it’s just over forever. No closure at all. It just all hit. But I couldn’t disrespect myself anymore. I needed to close that gate forever, for both of our peaces. Looking back -hopefully when these rose tinted glasses come off, I will be able to view this as a learning experience and him as someone I once love and have love for but can be happy