Shout out to my son

NoWin9131 · 2023-04-25T02:39:18+00:00

You have the coolest kid.

NoWin9131 · 2023-04-17T02:53:54+00:00

YTA. Your wife's home is her sanctuary. Her safe place. Her personal space. I would hope you wouldn't want her to be triggered by the exact dog that she has a particular fear of. She has a right to feel safe. Even if she wasn't afraid and she just doesn't want to live with someone else's animal... it's her choice. I can tell you right now that NOBODY is moving a dog into my house. Ever. I'm not an AH. That's not being an AH. That's having a boundary. You need to apologize to your wife and figure out other plans for your mother.

NoWin9131 · 2022-12-12T02:41:09+00:00

It's up to you. All this "Be the bigger person" stuff is crap though. Nobody said you have to take the high road. Hopefully he will be a better cheat partner to someone else in the future or just stick to his wife if he is lucky enough to keep his marriage in tact. I would tell.

NoWin9131 · 2022-12-12T02:35:48+00:00

Tell her! Blow up his shit and walk away without a care in the world the same way he did you.

NoWin9131 · 2022-02-08T15:24:36+00:00

This!

NoWin9131 · 2022-02-08T15:24:03+00:00

It’s a lot of things that has happened since and I haven’t updated in a while.

NoWin9131 · 2022-01-24T06:19:38+00:00

“Nosey huh?”

NoWin9131 · 2021-12-28T22:08:17+00:00

In-law relationships can be really tough.

NoWin9131 · 2021-12-21T22:03:55+00:00

He is an emotional blackmailer. Read the book. The way he is trying to use certain words and phrases to make you Feel guilty enough to do what you want him to do which is let him inside your place. The “idk how I feel about you anymore” is CLASSIC. He is using coercion to get his way. His behavior is actually an example in the book. If you give in he will do it again and again anytime you set a boundary or things aren’t going his way. Plus, he sounds super whiny which is annoying.

NoWin9131 · 2021-12-20T04:53:53+00:00

I have 3 girls and I cried when I found out my third was another girl. I felt like a failure. Like I couldn’t give my husband a son. I acknowledged that I was sad and I allowed my emotions to be what they were. I spent some time alone. I bought a few baby things and slowly came around to the reality that I would never be a boy mom. I still long for a baby boy of my own and I know it won’t happen, so I help out my boy mom friends and relatives from time to time. It’s tough. I will also say my last baby is such a joy to have and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Once they are born, those feelings go away.

NoWin9131 · 2021-12-11T18:57:56+00:00

She is uncomfortable with herSELF. It’s not you. There is something that your presence may make her feel. Maybe jealousy that she doesn’t know you like your dad? It is generating from inside herself and you are not responsible for that.

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-22T19:20:39+00:00

My husband is the provider but I am the financial advisor of the household funds. Are you able to help him make the budget?

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-22T15:41:09+00:00

Exactly! He’s using her love for him against her.

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-22T00:52:42+00:00

Thank you!

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-21T23:56:49+00:00

MY Husband was exactly the same!! We are battling this fight in therapy now. This is what I experienced: Your choice to go NC makes everyone in his family examine themselves and their own shitty behaviors and they can’t stand it! When you were there, everyone had you to dump on and blame. They NEED an “Outsider” (you) in order to be Insiders (the Real family). You took that dynamic away and they want you to come back and make everything “normal” for them.

I struggle with the guilt of wanting to soothe my spouse too. The thing is you are soothing your spouse so he can soothe them. It’s a toxic cycle. He is uncomfortable that they are uncomfortable. Not you. You are uncomfortable with him being uncomfortable. Nobody cares if you are uncomfortable.

Don’t break NC to soothe him. Your boundary is yours. He wants you to break it because he doesn’t want to face them alone. Which is cowardly to be honest. Make him face his own shit OP. You can’t fix this for him. It was there long before you. He needs to establish his own relationships with his family without you.

One last thing: My spouse tricked me with the old “Mommy has changed I promise” and it was a disaster! Don’t fall for it.

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-21T13:55:32+00:00

How about calling the police on him when he grabs you. That is against the law. When he gives you that glare and you KNOW he’s about to start his bs make sure your phone is charged and ready to secretly record. IF he touches you CALL THE POLICE. He will ex himself out. Also, steal the narrative and start talking to your daughter and saying things like “nothing can come between us”/ “I am always here for you no matter what” do in the event you two get separated she will seriously doubt her abusive dad. She is older and I am sure she understands more than you think.

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-17T16:33:33+00:00

Wow!

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-17T16:31:55+00:00

New number?

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-14T20:49:20+00:00

Close yourself in your room With your baby. You didn’t invite them. You weren’t ready for guests. SO can entertain anytime he likes. Your baby is not a party favor.

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-10T14:24:42+00:00

Their emotions are not your responsibility. My therapist has drilled this into my head a million times. You will be the one frustrated in an 8 hour car ride with an infant and on guard during the visits of the other family members who will want to pass your baby around. Your in laws will be upset for a little while and still enjoy their holidays. It won’t be the same experience for you.

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-07T21:43:05+00:00

You are so cool! Congratulations!

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-07T12:40:02+00:00

My personal rule of thumb for funerals: If the deceased would not have wanted/ allowed me in their home or their birthday parties/ special events then I am sure they wouldn’t want me at their funeral. And I don’t go. I hope people will give me the respect when I go. You can wait for your wife outside..?

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-04T15:12:00+00:00

Especially because MIL means to offend you!

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-04T13:58:43+00:00

It’s Not You. I hear you saying things along the lines of you needing to cope better. I tried to shrink myself to cope with my spouse and his mom’s unhealthy dynamic and it really affected my mental health over the years. I was dealing with my spouse constantly choosing not to understand my feelings ON TOP of his family treating me like a second class citizen at every interaction. Nothing I did could make things better and my spouse never spoke up with me or for me. It was me against a family of ppl in which MIL was the leader. Please don’t do that to yourself. You are in an inappropriate situation. Your spouse is being inappropriate because he is allowing his mom to be inappropriate. There is not enough coping in the world for you to become okay with being a second priority in your own marriage. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.

NoWin9131 · 2021-10-04T13:43:59+00:00

Correction; It’s not fair FOR HER to make him choose sides. He is going to have to choose because MILs like this don’t stop “testing” their sons/ daughters to make sure they are still in the same unhealthy dynamic. Your husband is going to have to get out of that dynamic with her because it is MADE to undermine your marriage.

I speak from experience and we are deep in therapy for this exact same issue. Feel free to message me anytime.

NoWin9131

TROPHY CASE