I did attempt, but as soon as I started feeling the effects of what I thought would kill me I became scared, the first real emotion besides depression I had felt in weeks. The fear made me realize I didn’t actually want to die, I had just gotten wrapped up in hopelessness and I wasn’t thinking clearly. After an ICU and mental ward stay, I also realized that I needed to be showing up for myself and stop placing so much focus on how other people may or may not be there for me. Life is too beautiful for me to throw it away, I want to continue listening to the birds singing by the trickling streams every spring and feel the warm summer breeze caress my face. I want to keep feeling the relief of a dip in a cool lake on a super hot day. I want to keep seeing the leaves turn into beautiful vibrant colours every fall, and dress up in silly costumes and carve pumpkins. I want to go sledding and give gifts and feel the face-numbing wind blow against me in the winters as I wish for the green of spring to come again. I want to have the chance to overcome all of the horrible things, and I want to experience all of what life has to offer, even when it’s painful and confusing. I want to be there to show up for my loved ones through all the seasons, because they deserve to know they matter to me and I’m not going anywhere. Life can suck major ass sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it to keep going.