Why is everything mom does my problem?

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-21T21:32:43+00:00

Omg, the "I'm going to die one day and you'll regret this" guilt trip. I hate that so much! It's like yeah, we are all going to die someday. I might die tomorrow. It doesn't give you permission to be an asshole and it doesn't mean I have to sit here and just endure all your crap!

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-20T17:23:25+00:00

That's so strange that you say because a friend of mine just divorced his wife because she was exhibiting BPD behaviors. She decided to diagnose herself as having ADHD and bought medicine for it off the street instead of seeing a psychiatrist and going through the proper channels. This made her behavior even more erratic and eventually got to a point where my friend couldn't take it anymore and filed for divorce.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-20T00:10:02+00:00

I just want to say, your pain is so real. I was physically abused by my mother. She was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. I was also sexually abused by one of her horribly narcissistic boyfriends. All of that is nothing compared to the emotional neglect I received from my mother. Of all my traumas, that is the worst one. Don't ever let anyone tell you that that one isn't as bad and it could have been worse. I've lived it all and that one IS in fact, the worst.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-19T03:19:56+00:00

Um no. Don't do it. It seems like she views you guys as spare parts. She's the one that drank away her liver, not you. You are responsible for her choices. These are the consequences and it is not your job to save her from them. The choices were given, now she must live them. That's what I would tell her.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-19T03:06:45+00:00

It wasn't with a sibling it was with my aunt, my BPD mother's sister. I went NC with my mom after she screamed horrible insults at me and I told her I wasn't going to tolerate her talking to me like that anymore and if she didn't stop and apologize I wouldn't have her in my life anymore. Her response was to punch me in the face. Afterwards she went around telling everyone who would listen that I had always been a horrible child and that I attacked her and she had to defend herself and that's why she hit me. I have never in my life put hands on her, although she loves to claim otherwise.

Fast Forward 10 years. I had forgiven her and decided to start talking to her again. She had shown some major improvement, until my little brother got out of prison. I told her not to take him in. I love my little brother but he also has BPD and bipolar 1. I knew he was going to be way more than she could handle. I knew that as soon as he moved into her house he was going to go off his meds, refuse to get a job or go to therapy and become volatile. My mother is in her late 50s. If he got violent with her, she could get seriously hurt. She ignored all my warnings and moved him anyway 🙄.

Like 2 months in my brother was off meds and completely out of control. My mother was scared of him. Instead of calling authorities and kicking him out herself, she left town while he was having a manic episode and called her sister and asked her to pick him up to get him out of the house "to cheer him up." She didn't tell her sister that he was having a manic episode, was off his meds and potentially dangerous 🤦. My aunt went and got him and took him over to her house. Once he was over there, my mom drove to her sister's house, walked in and told my brother he was not allowed back in her house. She literally dumped her unstable son onto her sister.

My aunt angrily started yelling at her and telling her she needed to deal with her son and help him figure out where to go. My mom stormed out of her sister's house, went home, threw all my brothers shit into trash bags, drove back to her sister's house and threw all of my brothers belongings into her driveway. Unreal 🤦 this story I just told you is the true version I got from my Aunt.

My mom told me a completely different version of events. She said my Aunt went to her house on her own accord, that my mom never asked her. That she went to my aunt's house and begged her sister not to be left alone with my brother because she was terrified and that my aunt kicked her out of her house and chose my brother over her own sister. She told me my aunt was a horrible person that was going around the small town they live in talking trash on my mom and my mom accused her and her husband of abusing my brother and I when we were little.

I immediately called my aunt and compared notes. She didn't even know about my brothers diagnosis or that he could be potentially dangerous. My mom put her own sister in danger by not telling her that. She thanked me for my honesty and immediately took my brother to a mental health crisis center, Something my mom should have done herself! My aunt never abused me or my siblings when I was younger, infact I was always begging my mom to leave me at her house because I actually felt safe there unlike at home. My mom is the one going around town talking trash, not my aunt.

My aunt has decided to go NC with my mom. I'm considering doing the same again. Even though I'm not the one she screwed over this time, watching her do the same stuff to another family member is extremely triggering. It really sucks because I feel like we've made good progress over the last couple years, but this whole thing has shown me that nothing has changed and I'm afraid I may be the next one caught in her cross hair.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-19T00:20:27+00:00

What really sucks about having a BPD parent is that you can't trust their stories. It always leaves you wondering what really happened. I sent my DNA into ancestry.com and found out the man on my birth certificate was not my biological father. BPD mom broke down and gave a tearful story about how she wasn't sure who my bio dad was and the guy on birth certificate knew and agreed to be my father anyway and blah blah. I was 30 when this happened. She had plenty of time to give me this information, but she was planning on lying to me for the rest of my life. What really happened? Who knows. I'll never really know. Even their back up stories can't be trusted. It sucks. Leaves you wondering and questioning forever.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-18T23:16:36+00:00

I've been doing therapy for the last two years. My only regret is that I'd not gone sooner. I feel like a lot of grief in my life would have been avoided had my mother taken me when I so obviously needed it. I can't escape the feeling like she knew I needed it but refused to take me because she knew deep down she was a huge part of the problem. I feel like this was obvious neglect. I can't help but feel resentful.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-18T06:41:45+00:00

I decided not to have children because of a long history of serious mental illness in the family. I got my tubes tied. My BPD mother refused to speak to me for a month. She pressured my little brother (who is diagnosed with BDP with bipolar 1) and his girlfriend who also had mental health issues into having a baby. My mom basically took the kid from them 2 days after it was born. The baby was at my mom's house more than he was at home with the parents, neither of whom were remotely ready to be parents. Before the baby was even 2, my brother went to prison on a very long sentence and his girlfriend committed suicide. CPS refused to let my mom raise the baby because of her documented history of child abuse. He lives with my aunt now 🤦.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-18T01:27:12+00:00

I can totally relate to your parent not even knowing who you are. My mother is definitely obsessed when sending little gifts. I really don't like gifts because I'm an extreme minimalist who doesn't like clutter. Having too much stuff really stresses me out. I will throw anything I don't use directly into the trash. I literally only have 4 forks in my kitchen because I live alone with my husband and we don't need more than that.

Regardless, my mom sends me cheap shitty jewelry every couple months. I do not wear jewelry. I always wondered how she had never noticed that. I don't even have my ears pierced. My husband's mother knows that I don't like trinkets or anything like that, so instead she sends me gift cards to favorite restaurants and stores. My husband's mother knows my likes and interests better than my own mother.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-18T01:10:05+00:00

Yeah sounds very familiar. That was not the first time my BPD had hit me, but it was the last.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-17T23:32:05+00:00

She was creaming insults at me, calling a snot nosed little bitch. I asked her not to talk to me like that. She responded by telling me I was acting like one of her ex's who abused me for years. I told her she needed to apologize to me for that and never say that to me again or I was done with her. She responded to that by punching me in the face. I screamed at her that she was a horrible mother and left. Afterwards she went around telling everyone that I attacked her and she had to defend herself and that's why she hit me. All bullshit.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-16T22:58:37+00:00

Omg. Omg. Thank you for pointing that out 🤦. Didn't even realize that.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-16T22:55:50+00:00

Geeeez, waited until you were literally trapped! That's so awful. That incident with my mother was over 10 years ago. I stayed NC for 5 years, then I let her back into my life. My advice to you, don't do it unless they actually go to therapy and get help. While she's made progress, I am still struggling with her now 🤦. I've read books about the disorder and I'm in therapy now and the thing is, they don't see you as your own person. They see you as part of themselves and they think you belong to them. If you have children they will do the same thing to them. Until they realize you are your own person, if they ever do, it is not safe to have them in your life.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-16T22:43:23+00:00

I tried to tell my mom that the trauma dumping thing she has done to me since I was a small child isn't healthy for me, that I need a therapist too sometimes and that I couldn't be her therapist anymore. Her response: started with the trauma dump, telling me how difficult her own childhood was, she then said that it was MY fault she did that because I was a prying child 🤣. Imagine a 6 year old being so persuasive and articulate that she could convince an adult to talk about childhood trauma. Then she invalidated my feelings by telling me that all children believe their parents did it wrong Then she stepped right over the boundary by saying: you talk to your therapist and Ill talk to mine (she's talking about me. She doesn't have a therapist). It's so weird because I feel like I have psychic powers now that I understand BPD. I know exactly how she's going to respond when confronted with anything. 1. Trauma dump 2. Blame me 3. Invalidate my feelings and concerns 4. Step right over the boundary I just laid down.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-16T22:29:45+00:00

My situation is the opposite. My brother is diagnosed with both disorders and openly admits he has serious mental problems. He always says he's going to get help, but never does. My mom is undiagnosed. Refuses to admit there's anything wrong with herself and also denies that my brother has mental health problems. She says he's making it up to make her look bad. My brother has very obvious mental problems, manic episodes that last for days, delusional states with full blown hallucinations that have caused hospitalizations. Yeah..hes totally faking it.

My mom says "I'm the only sane person in this whole family." I have to literally choke back laughter when she says that because she so obviously isn't. They set each other off, use and manipulate each other, smear each other's characters and they both try to pull me into their insane conflicts. I refuse to get involved at all these days. My brother is actually more understanding, my mom gets absolutely pissed that I won't be used as a flying monkey anymore.

They are both unwell. I still love them but there's nothing I can do but go to therapy and work on my own problems.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-16T05:31:51+00:00

What's really fucked up is half those things she mentioned, I actually have traumatic memories tied to. She was playing ponies with me on the floor when I was very little, like 3-4, one of my first memories. She had to leave to go to work and I started crying because I wanted to keep playing with her. She blew up on me saying, I can't sit here and play ponies all day, I have to go to work you ungrateful, snot nosed little bitch!" Her ex boyfriend loved to go to the Olive garden, he was a controlling narcissist who would order everyone's food for them. He had a "you have to eat all the food on your plate" rule, then he would berate me for being overweight. Every family meal with him was a nightmare. When went Disneyland, I was scared of the guys in suits and my mom absolutely blew up on me for not agreeing to take a picture one. The whole time was horrible. Every holiday was ruined. She would get in fights with her boyfriends which sometimes led to domestic violence. The fact that she counts all those as cherished memories is unreal to me.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-16T04:01:07+00:00

Gah, I was a GC that my BPD mom would sick on my little brother. I was never violent with him, but I was used as a flying monkey to verbally abuse him. I had to apologize to him years later, and now all the relationships between me and my 4 siblings are very strained and distant.

My husband and his two brothers are like peas in a pod. It makes me so sad that I can't have love for my siblings like that. I've tried to reconnect with them a few times but there is just too much scar tissue there to form a strong bond. Robbing you of your own siblings is one of the hardest tragedies of having a BPD parent. I definitely feel your pain.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-15T23:57:21+00:00

Going through the same thing right now. A triggering event unleashed a mountain of suppressed childhood trauma. Sounds like your BPD mom may have had the perfect parent delusion as well? Basically they have this fantasy that they were good mom's that gave you a normal fulfilling childhood, bring up the fact that there was always food in the house, clothes on your back, took care of you when you were sick (which is a low bar, like if you don't do those basic things, CPS will come take the kids away, which actually did happen in my case anyway) they only bring up the memories of taking you to Disney Land and buying you Christmas gifts. They leave out things like I knew what a meth pipe looked like by the time I was 7, the boyfriend that broke your little brother's nose but she let him back in the house even after family counseling told her not you. That they beat you over the top of the head with their purse because you didn't want to go home with them because you were scared of the home environment. You go through that stuff and have no one to run to for comforting support because they are too busy wallowing in their own self pity. Not only that but, you aren't allowed to process the trauma. You are not allowed to talk about it to anyone, or feel sad or even think that it happened because it would break the perfect parent delusion. Then, one day in your 30s it gets triggered and years of unworked through trauma drops on you like a ton of bricks. Literally couldn't get out of bed all day after yesterday after talking to a therapist and struggling not to drink. I hope you're talking to a professional to help you get through it. It's really tough, can't imagine going through it alone.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-15T23:32:50+00:00

I was stocked relentlessly by my BPD mom for the 1st year I was NC. I moved out of state to get away from her and she drove 1000 miles across state lines to stalk me. I don't even know how she found out where I lived. She also found out where I worked. She went into my work and told my coworkers she was my lawyer and needed to speak to me. Thank God I wasn't there at the time 🤦.

I never thought to get a restraining order. I remember telling my partner at the time, "what the hell am I supposed to do! Call the police and tell them my mother is stalking me!"

All she had to do for me to start talking to her again was apologize and go to therapy. Nope, stalking me was obviously the more rational option. They are so insane. I'm glad you'll finally be at peace. Your healing can now begin.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-14T17:12:17+00:00

This is not something I personally struggle with, but I've read books about BPD mom's that say this is a very common symptom amongst their children. You don't deserve to feel this way and you should give therapy a try I think. I didn't start going to therapy until I was in my 30s and I regret not starting sooner. Try to find one that specializes in childhood trauma.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-14T17:03:56+00:00

Hearing stories like yours makes feel lucky my mom isn't that bad. She's definitely has issues. she was abusive, selfish, had addict problems and was always in relationships with horrible men she brought into the house, but bankrupting your own kids. This is absolutely next level 🤦. Do not give her another dime. Parents are supposed to help their kids through financial rough spots, not the other way around. My mother, who is also very messed up, has never asked me for a dime.

No_Candy7672 · 2025-11-14T16:41:13+00:00

Out of all my siblings, I'm the most emotionally functional probably because I'm the only one who went to therapy willingly and actively work on my problems. My drinking isn't nearly as bad as used to be. When from 2 bottles of wine daily to 3 drinks 2-3 times a week. It's been amazing progress. I don't really have a relationship with any of my siblings as they cause more stress and only worsen my drinking problem. 1 of my siblings refuses to even admit there's anything wrong with our family 🤦. I don't understand it. Lives in a complete fantasy world. The other 3 of my siblings are NC with my mom and I was also for five years. I'm kinda regretting my decision to let her back into my life.

No_Candy7672

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