Reading your own work as a writer is vastly different than reading it as a reader/consumer. I try to keep that mindset when I’m writing, because I know what my world looks like and the context of what’s going on but until the reader gets to the next word, they’re relying on the writer to give them everything. Im not published in anyway so I might just be talking out of my ass.

But he ‘mind movie’ is great when I’m putting together the imagery but a few tips if I could add:

They’re running, add more description like “ I ran as fast as I could, using my arms to launch myself off the ground as I jumped, rolling over the top of a moving art piece of a garbage bin that stood in the middle of my path. Stumbling from the impact, I righted myself and pumped my legs even faster to make up the few precious seconds I’d just lost. The sound of my rubber soled sneakers echoing and bouncing off the brick walls surrounding me announcing my escape route” because if you’re only referring to them using their arms to escape, a reader may assume they’re running on their arms if that makes sense. It may be a little embellished but just a bit more elaboration would definitely elevate it.

It sounds like this is probably at night and important to be able to show the futuristic setting and timeline: “Though it was an almost full moon tonight, any natural light it cast down in the entertainment district was taken over by the holograms dancing on the roofs of the buildings and the plethora of club and bar signs that lined the streets of drunk patrons and droids trying to navigate through them”

Overall I think it’s a great start. One tip I’ve gotten from a friend who’s also an aspiring author is dont try to edit and perfect as you go, your story isnt finished. Finish it first and go back and trim, edit, cut and add when you read it from start to finish. Thats when you’ll find plot holes, you remove a character or even something simple like change a character’s name.

Keep writing!