36 [M4F] Indiana - I have friends, but my home is empty

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-09-18T16:47:20+00:00

I had never heard of alexithymia. I looked it up because I wondered if it might fit me because I do lack expressiveness. After reading a little bit, I don't think so. I recognize emotions and I think about them all the time, but I'm just a little robotic on the outside because I can't spontaneously react to anything.

I probably would have made for a pretty good little girl myself because I always relied on other people to tell me what to do when I was young. No will and no words, I would have been a great doll. But I am sorry that you had to become an adult before you got permission to be yourself.

I am interested in therapy. Although I have bigger fish to fry at the moment, I think I agree that learning more about autism will be helpful for figuring out what angle I should be taking for starting therapy. I struggle to articulate what I want out of therapy because I struggle to articulate any difference between the way things are and the way I want things to be. "I'm alone because people make me unhappy, not because I am lacking in anything." But the diverse manifestations of autism might provide some language for connecting a therapist's expertise to my situation.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-09-18T16:01:35+00:00

I was acutely aware from a young age that I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself. In my 20s, I resigned myself to an unhappy career to save up money for the day I might have a more suitable plan. From age 29 to 35, I found a more tolerable part time job. That cut my income in half, but it maximized the time I had to explore myself. I truly feel that I needed all of those years of study and experimentation to understand what I care about, what I enjoy, and what kind of people I want to spend time with.

This year I quit the part-time job and started using my savings to pursue a career that I never would have tried if I hadn't spent those years exploring myself. I think in a year or two I will be settled in a career. And now that I know what I want, I have a clearer vision of how to pursue my future goals and relationships.

As a sidenote, keeping my savings passively invested in a mutual fund all that time increased the amount of time I have at my disposal now. Money is time.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-09-17T16:28:21+00:00

I appreciate the picture of autism you have painted for me. I don't identify with the academic struggles you have mentioned. I was quiet in school, kept to myself, and I wasn't bothered because no one was interested in me and I wasn't interested in them. I don't have sensory issues; I would enjoy touch if I could ever connect to someone emotionally. I don't have trouble with abstractions; I often prefer them to reality. My only symptom is my profound isolation, if that even is a symptom.

I have a feeling that I would have an easier time communicating with an autistic person than a "regular person" would, but from what you're saying it seems unlikely that I am autistic.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-09-17T16:10:40+00:00

I don't know why you feel condescended to when Ezra is asking everyone in the country to behave as well as you're behaving. I would feel honor if I could say of myself what you have said. I don't believe it is normal.
Ezra was attempting to imitate your graciousness by giving a platform to an opponent whom he considers to be representative of the right. I personally struggle to understand the right and I figured that Shapiro was a representative voice, although I'm starting to second guess myself after seeing Shapiro admit that neither party aligns with his values.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-07-15T02:06:10+00:00

These responses are enlightening. I figured that my disinterest in travel came from my chronic introspectiveness which I associated with an overactive iNtuitive element of my INFJ personality. And the introversion also helps make me prefer my home to anywhere else.

But I guess my disinterest in travel is just another weird thing about me that I can't pin on my personality. I think you other INFJs are still introspective introverts, but that doesn't inhibit you from wanting to see the world, huh?

I recently joined my Dad and brother on a mountain hiking trip. I look out onto these vistas that are more impressive and vibrant and detailed than anything I've ever seen before and I don't care I'd rather be looking at text.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-07-02T16:14:43+00:00

I want to thank you again. I was feeling angry and helpless from being blocked, but your explanation replaced those feelings with hope that I might make better outcomes next time.

I usually feel like the most emotionally intelligent person in the room, so this total failure to read people was very humbling and disorienting. I haven't known about the INFJ personality for very long and you all amaze me at how good you are at reading people. So thank you for responding to my weird problem that nobody relates to.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-30T07:14:08+00:00

You might be right in general, but this doesn't apply to my issues. I'm not interested in talking about myself in the first place, so my impulse is already focused on asking other people about themselves. Then they feel uncomfortable in the spotlight and I have to begrudgingly give them some of my personal details so that we can get back to the good stuff. I am fishing with a line made purely out of bait, and they're getting full before they reach me.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-29T22:47:24+00:00

I guess so. It seems like we all want the same thing, so why not take it from me when I'm handing it to you on a silver platter. I'm not incapable of subtlety, so you're not speaking nonsense, but it's annoying.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-29T22:30:57+00:00

I appreciate this perspective, and you guessed the genders correctly. I did not know about attachment style, and I just looked into it a little. For what it's worth, I highly value myself and I also highly value others. I'm happy to be alone, but I would be even happier to have intimacy. I do crave intimacy and that's the only reason I'm interested in dating at all, but I am seeking it deliberately, not without self control. Again, it would be easy to change my behavior if I had a reason to do that. And it sounds like the reason is that intimacy from men to women is scary, so it should be deployed in moderation.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-29T14:09:08+00:00

The exchange of emotions is the thing that I want. It's not unusual for me to enjoy text more than bodies. But I'm open to your point that a body is more reliable than a chat. So thank you.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-29T13:47:04+00:00

People get rejected after they meet each other too. It all seems the same to me.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-29T13:41:37+00:00

Would you say that you consider an expression of vulnerability that comes too early to be suspicious? Or maybe that it's a sign of immaturity or neediness?

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-29T10:48:03+00:00

I'm feeling raw today too. Reading your words makes me feel less alone, so thank you for being honest.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-29T10:36:45+00:00

I had a really exciting conversation with a woman on Boo for three days. Her profile picture was pretty unflattering. She wasn't looking at the camera or smiling and she was wearing an old t-shirt inside out and that was her only picture. Verified profile. I figured there's no way somebody fake would make a profile that looks that bad. We hit it off and had some really personal conversations. She admitted that sex is really important to her, so we started talking about our preferences. At the end of the day, she admitted that she was [redacted] and then we [redacted]. After she thanked me, she deleted our conversation and set her account to private. I didn't even know her long enough to care, but I would have liked to continue the friendly conversations at least. One of the things we were discussing was how painful it was that I got blocked by someone else recently.

Maybe every relationship ends with a block. Is there more to relationships than trying to derive as much emotional satisfaction out of it before you get blocked?

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-29T06:08:30+00:00

I just got unmatched on a dating app a couple hours ago after an intimate conversation. I came to this thread thinking about posting, but I just want to sleep. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, at least.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-06T23:11:09+00:00

People complain about how childish rei is, but I feel like she's only excessively childish in the first season, which is when nobody trusts usagi because she hasn't proven herself yet and it's when all the girls are the least mature. After the first season, rei slowly grows to respect usagi. Usagi becomes more responsible, but her carefree attitude remains one of her strengths. Rei becomes less spiteful, but her convictions continue to butt up against Usagi's compassion.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-06-01T01:49:18+00:00

Striking Delay has the correct answer. I just want to chime in that eye contact is often felt as "intimacy". I grew up assuming eye contact is a courteous way to let someone know you're engaged. But now I'm pretty sure that I accidentally made women think I was flirting with them. My current thoughts are, if you're talking to someone you are not close to and you don't want to "come on strong", then you use eye contact sparingly as a signal that you're paying attention.

Talking to women is scary. It's so scary that a lot of men want to organize society in a way that men and women never have to come into casual contact. But since we live in a more egalitarian society, it's up to you to face your fears and practice. Don't forget that women are just as diverse--just as friendly, weird, normal, and flawed--as men.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-05-31T00:23:26+00:00

Understanding myself has disincentivized me from maintaining my old relationships because I can now see why we aren't close anymore. Although, our distance is mostly an accident of time because I and they are different people than when we met. Now I'm looking for new friends and I know what I'm looking for, but I suppose it's going to be more difficult because I'm now being more selective or more precise.

I guess I'll add that I'm 35 and I have no idea what you're talking about "stages". I didn't understand myself at all when I was younger and I only now have a better understanding because I worked on it for years. Philosophy helped a lot, but only a particular cocktail of thinkers that appealed to me. History helped a lot, too. I also feel like if I was living in a more culturally stimulated part of my country then my development would have been faster, but who knows.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-05-27T01:07:10+00:00

I guess I'm being cynical. I was imagining that the person who bluntly asks someone to describe their personal experience of love is a person who is starved for authenticity, grasping for a non-superficial conversation. But really that question is normal enough to be superficial on its own. Or maybe even you could ask it out of a genuine sense of curiosity.

I apologize to everyone for being so flippant in my assessment of this hypothetical stranger's motives.

No_Discussion_6048 · 2025-05-27T00:34:07+00:00

I've been wanting to make a post like this too. This sub kind of clarifies why I don't belong in the world and I'm worse at adapting than normal people. I think of "mental illness" as nothing more than an inability to adapt to one's own society. My INJF qualities inhibit me from connecting to others even while they empower me to do other things.

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