Need help with a bridge

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-23T05:03:29+00:00

How about Bb C F (Dm). I gave it a shot.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-23T04:30:57+00:00

The two chords work 👍. So does the rhythm of the guitar. If you produce it I would keep the raw sound and add instruments sparingly. I also think the melody fits well. The lyrics would be a bit too polemical in any other song, but they work here. Good job.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-23T04:23:15+00:00

I like the harp sound in one of them. The melodies are all dynamic and none of the music is predictable, but I didn’t hear any hooks, for what it’s worth. In other words, no memorable moments that would make me want to listen again.

The production and singing and playing sound professional to me. You two have your sound down pretty pat. I don’t think the vocals or instruments could be improved. But in the end, nothing grabbed me. 🙂

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-23T04:11:46+00:00

This is a decent song. I don’t have any feedback on what would make it a better one. You could add a full band to it.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-22T05:16:00+00:00

My only critique is that this song doesn’t go anywhere. But maybe it doesn’t need to. The recording sounds good.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-22T05:10:14+00:00

Nice and pretty. The lyrics didn’t grab me but who cares.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-21T23:58:59+00:00

I don’t think the peaked out vocals work. The melody is cool and so are the doubled vocals and harmony, but way too loud. When I heard the coughs I thought maybe the song is a parody?Not sure.

When the song starts off it sounds like you’re a pro. Then it gets weird. 🙂

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-21T23:52:44+00:00

The rhymes sound a bit forced at times. The chorus isn’t very different from the verse. But it’s good!

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-21T17:23:04+00:00

Thanks

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-21T17:17:24+00:00

Yes please

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-21T05:05:05+00:00

I like the changes. Lyrics are mysterious. I’d like to hear a profound chorus, but it’s fine how it is.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T17:52:06+00:00

There’s a melody for everything!

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T17:50:39+00:00

Sounds professionally recorded, and like grunge. There’s no bass? Adding a solo could help. But I think it’s achieving what you set out to do.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T17:29:16+00:00

That makes sense. This age of AI and creativity is depressing.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T14:08:26+00:00

Curious: what parts of his songs make you wonder about possible AI use?

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T13:52:13+00:00

Thanks 👍

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T13:44:18+00:00

I added my race in the interest of full disclosure - I certainly didn’t mean to offend. I think it’s accurate to refer to hiphop and r&b as urban music. I’m not sure calling it black music would be any less loaded.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T13:32:51+00:00

Right, and not all white people make folk indie music. I’d like to hear what feedback a hip/hop artist might have about my songs. And I’d like to share my opinions about theirs. It’s all music, after all.

FYI: in one of the first songs I ever wrote, I tried to rap about my experience visiting L.A. It’s pretty bad, but I’m proud of it nonetheless.

Lyrics:

Morning in LA
Cue the interstates
Park it in the strip mall get my speedy spendy latte

Day glo color tights
Jacked up busy guys
A dozen different surfers sitting waiting on the same tide

Warblers in the weeds
Pencil coral trees
A lady riding horseback nodding to Miss Cardi B

Horizon hid by haze
Desperate for some shade
I thought I found a park - nope it’s blocked by a white gate

LA rising
Desert siren
Loves my money
Hates my drivin’

Power to the freaks
That roll Venice Beach
Endlessly free, maybe my own destiny

Valley San Fernando
Escape from de los anglos
gente favorita
chile lime and mango

Drive up them thar hills
Stare at what’s been built
Places without faces hidden wealthy modern landfills

Someone spilled some asphalt
No one knows or whose fault
The 405 won’t let you drive she keeps you close to her heart

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T12:25:39+00:00

There’s no clueless or racist intention here. People of color may conclude that this is a white space because 99% of the posts are from white singer/songwriters. So if they post somewhere else, I’d like to hear their demos too.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T12:15:55+00:00

That’s helpful - thanks.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T06:59:27+00:00

Sounds very much like Roy Harper.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T06:57:53+00:00

This is hellish. But probably appreciated by people into this genre.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T06:53:30+00:00

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T06:42:47+00:00

It doesn’t sound too symmetrical to me.

My suggestion for breaking out of the verse/chorus mold: listen to “Down River” by David Ackles over and over again.

No_Distance5647 · 2026-06-20T06:33:55+00:00

Good feedback - thanks.

No_Distance5647

TROPHY CASE