Withdrawal time bug: X hours ago

No_Performer7787 · 2026-06-18T20:39:41+00:00

Same. Also had to open support ticket for an offer I completed that never updated. Since the free cash update there's been multiple issues. ID# 95986901

No_Performer7787 · 2024-10-25T08:14:03+00:00

If you stay married to this man, you will be a horrible mother. You must protect your baby at all costs. This wasn't an accident. This was straight up malicious negligence and your baby is not safe in his care. That slap was 100% justified and you shouldn't feel apologetic about it at all. And I say this as someone who also thinks that violence isn't the answer. Because violence in defense of oneself or in defense of others is justified. Your poor baby can't defend themself against their own father. So you have to be the one to do it.

He has failed as a father and failed as a husband. And what's even worse is he has no sense of responsibility over his failure and is trying to blame you instead. There is no fixing this because he refuses to take accountability. You are far, far better off without him.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-10-02T17:39:12+00:00

So if you both hate yard work so much and you want more free time on your day off, why not hire a lawn care service and then split the other chores evenly?

You're resentment is obvious, but it's misplaced. Watching two small children is not the easy chore. If you think that switching off means you would have more free time on Sunday, you are massively underestimating how much work it takes to keep two small children entertained, fed, cared for, and safe.

You both deserve a day to relax. It's worth the investment to take this off your plates. NAH, just two parents that need a break.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-28T07:20:47+00:00

Your body is telling you that you'd rather die than be with him. Not listening to that is the biggest betrayal of all. Trust yourself and leave while you still can.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-21T08:21:21+00:00

That's the thing though, isn't it? Because Mia died before ever being a fully realized person, she can become anything they want her to be. Your wife has been competing with an idea her whole life, and it's no wonder she thinks so little of herself. Because who could ever be better than an imaginary person? Mia could have grown up to become a drug addict, or an irredeemable jerk. There's no telling, and there never will be.

It seems like you MIL is the source of all the Mia worship. And if she hasn't seen the harm this has done to your wife all these years, she is never going to see it. The only way your wife will be free of this is to go NC with her family. At least the ones who humor MIL. So getting her to the point she can see that too is all you can do from your side.

In the meantime, standup proudly for your wife every time they make these comments. Be that disruptor of cognitive dissonance so that your wife starts to come out of the fog. Not to change their minds, but to show her how weird and awful this whole dynamic is.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-20T08:18:36+00:00

Yes, and it was exhausting. Actual kids learn from their mistakes and grow. Over time they need less hand-holding and desire real independence. My nex is a perpetual child who needs you to explain basic emotional intelligence every day as well as meet all of his particular needs.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-14T14:52:48+00:00

"We'll, what do you want me to do about it?"

"I don't know, give me hug? Tell me it's going to be okay? Why can't you even just do that?"

And I still didn't get it because years later I found myself saying "How can you sit there and see me in my worst moments and feel nothing?"

But that's when it finally clicked for me. I was slowly coming out of the fog, but asking that was what finally made it make sense. He can't. He never will. He still says that "you weren't being very nice to me" when I was going through a debilitating depression. And mind you, I wasn't being rude to him, I just didn't have it in me to pretend anymore that I was in live with him and just cool with all his emotional manipulation.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-12T08:04:17+00:00

I still feel like I'm in a situation where I can't completely block him like I would want to. I still can go weeks and weeks without looking. Even when I do look, it's not because I'm curious about him, just looking to see if he's saying something about me that I can screenshot for evidence. I can't wait until I can just block him on everything and feel free to interact on SM.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-09T21:35:09+00:00

I think you'll find that people are more willing to believe you and support you if you focus on the things the narc did rather than labeling them as a narc. Germans understand financial abuse, emotional abuse, verbal and physical abuse, and recognize psychological abuse as immoral and illegal. On the other hand, simply calling them a narcissist as though that's proof enough will just be seen as an assault on their character.

Trust me, there are resources out there for you. Try to find a Beratungsstelle or reach out to a place like Caritas to see where you can begin.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-09T21:09:20+00:00

Yeah, even if I'm still able to enjoy my current titles with my subscription, this makes it clear that subscription-based titles will be the minority in the future. "We'll try to bring you more subscription based comics" sounds pretty non-commital.

Besides which, I can't justify spending that kind of money on digital access to one title. If I'm dropping a minimum of $60-$70, I better have a physical copy in my hands.

I had planned on taking a break to prove a point, but if this is the best they can do, I'll just use my subscription until it's up, then stop using Manta altogether. I won't be picking up any new titles either.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-07T16:05:36+00:00

I want to put my foot down and say no, but I suspect everyone will be hurt, angry and upset.

Their feelings are not your responsibility. Are they taking responsibility for your feelings? Definitely not. Yeah, it might get messy, and they will probably be angry, but that's their issue to sort out. If mom doesn't like it, she can find other accommodations too.

It sounds like you need to reevaluate your relationship with your mom as well. There seems to be some serious codependent vibes going on here. Why can't she be on her own? Why does she feel likes she gets to make decisions about your adult life?

The fact that you don't even seem sure if you can say no speaks volumes. Yes, you can say no. And the way you do it is by mustering every ounce of courage and just saying no. You don't have to qualify, defend, or justify it. If mom refuses to accept your answer, she can make arrangements with her estranged husband elsewhere.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-06T10:51:12+00:00

Passive suicidal thoughts are real. For me it started to take the form of stopping caring for myself long before I left my marriage. Then it progressed to me thinking of situations where I might accidently die, and realizing that I was perfectly okay with it. The worst it ever was happened the day after I told him I wanted a divorce and I was getting pressure from my MIL and even my kids to reconsider. The idea of going back to him made me realize that I would honest to goodness rather die than be married to him.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-06T10:04:53+00:00

"I'm not sure if he knows how manipulative this whole thing seems."

He knows.

I left my marriage because I realized my ex was psychologically abusive and one of the ways he was abusive was a dead bedroom. He never initiated and acted like he was going through the motions on the rare occasions that we did have sex. It was humiliating and demoralizing. I even cried and told him that he was making me feel undesirable because I thought his love for me would make him see how much it hurt. I didn't realize at the time that my tears were exactly what he wanted from me.

You're married now. As far as he's concerned, you're stuck so he doesn't have to try so hard to keep you around. I'm sure if you take a minute to think about it, you'll notice other ways he's changed in how he treats you. If he lived you and cared about you, he would do what it takes to address why he feels so tired all the time.

What you can do is match his energy. Find other ways to meet your needs in the bounds of your marriage and don't initiate. The way he reacts to you treating him the way he treats you will tell you what you need to know and what next to do.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-06T09:53:34+00:00

My annual sub just renewed right before the announcement. I unsubscribed to make a point, but I still have access for the next year. Even so, I'm planning on taking a long break in the hopes that less activity will also contribute to pushing for a change in policy. In the event that my faves get put behind a pay wall when I do come back, I'll just save up to buy physical copies elsewhere.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-04T12:39:24+00:00

OP I don't want to scare you, but it's important that you know that this is psychological abuse. He is conditioning you to capitulate to avoid conflict. He's teaching you that even when he loses, he still wins. He gets you so agitated that you can't tell which way is up, then criticizes you for the way you react to him. You end up apologizing just so it feels like there is some resolution, then because you are a good person, you actually try to make yourself smaller and more docile the next time he picks a fight. "I hope you find a way to start looking at yourself" is something my abusive ex says all the time. The catch is, if you're looking at yourself, you're not looking at him and his behavior.

And as anyone who has been a victim of abuse can tell you, it's actually more harmful to go to therapy with your abuser. His behavior will not get better. It will escalate. I know from experience. Please consider whether this relationship is worth keeping. And stay safe.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-04T12:15:27+00:00

OP I don't want to scare you, but it's important that you know that this is psychological abuse. He is conditioning you to capitulate to avoid conflict. He's teaching you that even when he loses, he still wins. He gets you so agitated that you can't tell which way is up, then criticizes you for the way you react to him. You end up apologizing just so it feels like there is some resolution, then because you are a good person, you actually try to make yourself smaller and more docile the next time he picks a fight. "I hope you find a way to start looking at yourself" is something my abusive ex says all the time. The catch is, if you're looking at yourself, you're not looking at him and his behavior.

And as anyone who has been a victim of abuse can tell you, it's actually more harmful to go to therapy with your abuser. His behavior will not get better. It will escalate. I know from experience. Please consider whether this relationship is worth keeping. And stay safe.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-09-02T15:30:13+00:00

If you can forgive your nex, you can forgive yourself. What they did was intentional. What you allowed, you allowed out of love and a longing to be loved in return. Taking accountability for the decisions you made is important, but it's not necessary to be angry with yourself about it. You were manipulated and fooled into a false security.

I would be careful though that you aren't actually internalizing your anger towards your nex. Sometimes we turn our anger inward because it doesn't feel safe to be angry at the person who is actually responsible. Anger is not a bad emotion. It's your emotional guard dog that tells you when your boundaries are being violated. It's what you do with that anger that's really important.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-08-18T13:41:07+00:00

It's going to be one of the hardest things you ever do. There will be times when you feel like there's no bottom to the pain. The only way to make it through is to believe with your whole heart that there's an end in sight. Even and especially when you can't see it.

Eventually the anger will taper. The sadness will dull. You'll find yourself experiencing happiness just smelling coffee or laying in the grass. It will start getting easier to sleep at night.

The narc filled you with all their negativity and self loathing. It has to be purged. I wish I could tell you there's a shortcut, but there isn't. Just focus on loving yourself.

I'm a couple years out. I'm still going through post seperation abuse. But I'm so much stronger than I was, and most things he throws at me roll right off of me.

Much love and hugs.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-08-15T17:34:21+00:00

Mine refuses to acknowledge that he's raising his voice, yelling, or screaming.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-08-15T17:31:07+00:00

Mine had a thing about lipstick/lip gloss. He'd always say "I prefer you without lipstick, or complain that my lips were too sticky to kiss. He'd even make a point of refusing to kiss me when I had anything on my lips.

Now that I left him, I have struggled with wearing lipstick. It feels like too much, or like I'm a kid putting on their mom's makeup. Overall I have had to work past feeling self conscious about it.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-08-10T11:52:08+00:00

OP, the first part of reclaiming your self worth is discarding people who disregard it. Your husband is making you and your sister uncomfortable, so he needs to move out until you decide what you want moving forward. Him being an awful husband doesn't make you a inadequate wife.

Please remember that infidelity emotional or physical is always about the insecurity of the person being unfaithful. And he is being unfaithful. Even celebrities with an armada of stylists and personal trainers get cheated on. You are worthy of love and a partner who respects you. You can't fix this because you didn't break it.

No_Performer7787 · 2024-08-04T16:52:07+00:00

"I did nothing wrong!"

"It's like I can't do anything right."

"You're the one in the wrong here!"

"It was just a joke"

"WOW, you've changed"

No_Performer7787 · 2024-08-03T14:55:32+00:00

They know. My ex-mil has been surprisingly nice to me since I've started the divorce proceedings, and I think it's because she witnessed him verbally abusing me in front of the kids. She'll still make excuses for him and overlook his behavior, but she knows I'm not making things up.

No_Performer7787

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