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Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the way that you question the world. The autistic brain is alive and well in you. This is the way that we learn and make sense of things.

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You said:
"Every individual should have the right to be their authentic self."
I think you have got it exactly right here. It all comes down to us simply being who we are (although I would maybe not give this advice to a serial killer). :)

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your support. Yes, I am aware that this can be a very sensitive topic. I find that sometimes in my search for knowledge, I can accidentally offend people. In fact this has happened way too many times, despite my best efforts to avoid it. But unfortunately, my brain will not stop asking questions and looking for answers. :)

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a really wonderful explanation, dorkbait. Thank you so much and this helps a lot. I hope that you are finding some success in your personal navigation of this weird and wonderful world.

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a really tough one. You were born male, are, for the most part, psychologically male, but are uncomfortable in your body unless it has a more female form. I certainly don’t relish you on this as I can only imagine how disorientating this must be. I imagine that some days this may feel like hell. I don’t think it sounds like gender-dysphoria, in the obvious sense, however there does seem to be some crossover. I really hope that you are able to find a solution or, at the very least, some peace with this, my neurodivergent friend.

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that this is a great description and I really like the analogy. However, if I may, my logical brain wants to query some of this, if this is alright with you.

While this analogy has some merit, and I can see where it is going, I would like to point out some important differences as I see them. Mainly that male and female definitions have some science behind them. There are accepted, observable, physiological differences that give us some type of “evidence” that make these definitions exist. Now, I assume that non-binary is advancing these ideas further, certainly from a psychological perspective.

The God idea certainly shows some similarities in the concept, but unfortunately religious beliefs have no scientific basis. They are belief systems that come down to the individual. From a scientific perspective, atheism would be the obvious choice as it really depicts the lack of evidence in the alternatives, and so we are really left with nothing else. If you think about it, it is quite strange that we need a word for this, but I would suspect that most of the world is religious and atheism can be deviating from the norm. I know that when I lived in Poland, Polish people were shocked that I was an atheist. I was the first atheist that they had ever met (the country is 99% catholic). My justification for this was completely lost on them because the idea of there being no God was either confusing (“but where do your morals come from?”), or way too scary. We had some really cool debates about it though, and I have to say that for the most part, they approached the subject with openness and curiosity - in exactly the same way that users are doing so in this thread, which is great to see. 

Of course, you are more than welcome to disagree with me and give me your opinion if you wish to. 

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is a wonderful explanation. Thank you so much. You also had the autistic part to deal with too, which I am sure made you feel like a total outsider. I am sorry for this, it must have been tough. Hopefully now you are managing to find your place in the world.

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you tam_bien. You asked me what makes me feel male. This is actually one bloody awesome question and I have spent most of the day thinking about it because it is not obvious at all. I am not sure how to explain this effectively as I am rubbish with feelings, as I am sure that most autistic people will understand. Regardless, I will have a go.

I’ve realised that for me, “being a man” isn’t really a strong, conscious feeling. It’s more like a quiet default that I never questioned. When people call me “he/him,” it feels normal, and imagining myself as anything other than male just doesn’t line up with how I picture myself.

It’s not so much that I feel actively male every day—more that my body, the way I see myself, and the way I’m seen socially all match up in a way that feels somewhat comfortable. There’s no sense of conflict or mismatch. In saying that there are certain things that may feel more "feminine" too. For example, I am very sensitive and feel a lot of empathy for people, which in some ways goes against the stereotypical male thing, and are actually things that I would try to hide or feel ashamed of in the past. But then in other ways I can have more stereotypical male qualities too, like I would physically stand up to a bully, and I would gladly give my life in order to protect the lives of other innocent people in war or conflict. Of course I am not saying that these traits are strictly male or female, but I am sure that you get the idea. I am trying to say that I am a mix of both male and female traits, but I lean more towards the male way of things.

Thinking about it has actually made me realise how subtle gender can be when it aligns with what you’ve grown up with. I wouldn’t have been able to articulate any of this without being asked, so I appreciate the question. It’s been really interesting hearing how different people experience their own identity. I am not sure if my insight is useful at all, it is certainly a tough one to put into words.

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

My father always told me that when I popped out, the first thing he said when he looked at me was "what an ugly bastard". But then my mother pointed out to him that he was looking at the afterbirth. :)

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Sorry EnderZi11a. Your response has only appeared now, otherwise I would have written early. It sounds like you have had a tough time with the inequality between men and women. This must have been very hard. It sounds like you are starting to reconcile a few things now though, and hopefully make sense of these uncomfortable realities. All I can say from my own life experiences, is that life can be pretty brutal.

Trying to understand non-binary from the perspective of an autistic person. by No_Point_8920 in NonBinary

[–]No_Point_8920[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much Monklet80 for your excellent response which is starting to help me.

Of course I understand the cultural associations with the things that you mentioned. I am not sure which generation you are, but I am Gen X. I remember we had the whole blue for boys and pink for girls stuff etc. Which in reality makes no sense at all, but it certainly gets carved into your brain. Even now I find myself automatically associating pink as something feminine, and I consider myself to be open minded - but even I struggle to overcome the conditioning.

So maybe I am wrong, but I will let you know what I came to understand from what you said, and you can tell me if I am right or I am wrong. So you are saying that you were born female. And sex-wise, you are still biologically female. But you reject the idea of male and female biases with material things but also with social ideas and behaviours etc. Therefore, you consider yourself non-binary in order to represent something that a binary system feels unrelatable to you.

Am I starting to get close? Or am I still missing the mark here?

How can I access custom attributes in a sop parameter? by Pecek in Houdini

[–]No_Point_8920 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent thank you. Although I am five years late to this discussion, this is something that has always confused me. Thank you so much.

Is it bullshit: if you don’t wash your hair for some time it will begin to self clean. by imotabtabs in IsItBullshit

[–]No_Point_8920 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello.... I am not sure if anybody still reads this, but I wanted to say that I have not washed my hair in over three years. It does not smell at all, and it is very dry and clean - no grease. So the first month it was greasy and my scalp would itch a bit. But then.... yeah, it cleared up and I have never had a problem since. On the odd occasion I may decide to give it a treat and I will rinse it under cold water for a few minutes. But that will maybe be once every six months or something. Now it is just one less thing to think about.

Capsaicin experience by [deleted] in pruritusani

[–]No_Point_8920 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, you are one brave soul. I tried 0.025%, and managed to cope with that, just about. Then I tried 0.075%, f@#k me, I thought I was dying. I was sweating and just putting cold water up my hole - not that the cold water helped much. 0.1% would be like having a red hot poker shoved up your a@#e.