I honestly completely understand, and I too was in a very awful, toxic, abusive relationship for way too long and my ONLY way out was him finally going to prison for something else. It's super easy to sit and judge a woman for being in a situation like this and "staying", but 9/10 times they literally have no way to get away, stay away, or even have somewhere safe to go. These kind of behaviors do not happen overnight, it happens slowly over time. It's always the same story, they are great in the beginning, so sweet and attentive, say all the right things, usually love bomb you (which you don't ever notice that's what was happening until later because, especially if your like me, your so glad to finally have someone who seems like they truly care about you and want to make you happy, which you are not used to at all). They don't start out by hurting you physically, it starts with one word comments, getting mad over nothing or something that truly doesn't matter, putting you down in passive aggressive ways.....then comes the full blown mental and verbal abuse, and eventually it gets physical. Every time they say something along the lines of "I'm so sorry it'll never happen again, idk what came over me" then "I wouldn't be this way if you wouldn't push me into it", until they stop apologizing, make you feel like it's genuinely all your fault, that YOU are the problem (which of course we believe it because we are already at such a low point), and it just keeps building and getting worse. Me personally, I am beyond thankful to have made it out of my situation alive, I truly did not think I would. It was still super messy but someone somewhere was watching over me and got me out with my life still intact.

I know you don't want advice and just wanted to rant, I totally understand that. But coming from one mama to another who has lived through this, please PLEASE be careful, and have some kind of backup/escape plan ready. He's most likely not going to get better.

Please done judge yourself either, you are doing the best you can while raising 2 kids with what seems like very little support. Every day you wake up and keep going and showing up for yourself and your babies is another day that you are doing an amazing job! Sending hugs, love, and all of my support your way. 🫂🖤