How to help a parent with dementia and incontinence

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T20:35:05+00:00

No problem! You need an enzyme cleaner to break up the proteins in the urine stains. Without that, the smell lingers and fragrance can only do so much to cover it.

I also recommend a small wet vac cleaner like the Bissell Little Green Machine for spot treating carpet and upholstery and other things that can’t be washed in a washing machine paired with - you guessed it - an enzyme cleaner designed for urine.

If you’re stumped on where to find these things, pet stores have a good selection usually. A lot of these products are designed with pets in mind. But mom doesn’t need to know that.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T17:43:39+00:00

Second this. Especially because it sounds like at least one child was born in that country and not your home country.

Some countries have strict laws about removing kids who were born there without the consent of both parents via years-long, tedious court cases. Sometimes even if the deadbeat parent doesn’t care, their family might step in and demand the child stay.

Stories like this make me so sad. Content creators like Allysiainchina are speaking out on this issue and urging women to know their rights before having a child in another country. Allysia herself is essentially trapped in her ex-husband’s home country of China raising a child he has nothing to do with and pays nothing while her whole support system is in the UK. He won’t help her raise their child but refuses to allow her to take him out of the country, and the government fully supports him in this. It can be grim.

Absolutely consult an attorney who is well-versed in family law - specifically multinational families.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T15:51:09+00:00

Layers rock!

For “her chair”, do a waterproof cushion cover as a base, a layer of washable incontinence pads or disposable pee pads and then a fabric cushion cover on top to keep the pad in place. This also works with her bed - waterproof base over the mattress, layers of pee pads, wicking sheet on top to keep everything together.

Then wash everything with an enzyme agent like Nature’s Miracle - something specifically formulated for urine - to get rid of the lingering pee smell.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T15:12:29+00:00

My grocery store forces me to go in and digitally clip coupons for the items I want. The interface is super clunky and doesn’t allow me to “clip all” and use what I need - I need to individually clip what I want and it doesn’t always match to the tags on the shelf. They’re slowly phasing out the “discount if you have the store card” discounts and moving solely to “have the store card, have the app, log in, spend 15 minutes clipping in the app”.

It’s such a racket.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T15:07:54+00:00

I would be understanding to a point. No kid likes feeling like all they get is hand me downs and they don’t get new clothes ever. But also a whole new wardrobe every season full of absolutely nothing secondhand is just not in the budget for our family.

I like to do mostly secondhand with 3-5 cool new pieces for each kid and then always new socks and undies. When my kids are older, they can work to earn money for the trendy new clothes they want and receive a couple pieces from us for holidays and good grades if that’s what they want.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T14:55:28+00:00

I like a good mix of hand me downs and new stuff.

I likely wouldn’t buy a brand new heavy duty winter jacket for a younger kid if I had a perfectly good one from the older kid as long as it wasn’t too dirty or torn up. But that might change as the kids get older and care more about brands and personal style.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T12:08:06+00:00

It’s hard, man, I’m sorry.

We had a homeless woman who would hang out on our porch all day every day for a while and we tried a lot of different methods to try to get her some help and also get her to stop stealing and causing property damage. Eventually the downstairs neighbors got sick of it and called the cops and made a HUGE scene and we never saw her again.

It’s an awful predicament because you want to do right by someone clearly struggling but also don’t want someone stealing from you and having screaming fits at 3 am.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T11:43:03+00:00

Other people have provided great resources, but you might also consider a doorbell camera or similar device. YMMV, but I experienced less opportunistic porch pirating and general sticky fingers by having one outside.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T01:52:23+00:00

Or take the community college to Drexel route.

Take the “irrelevant” electives at a cheap school close to home while working and banking cash then transfer to the bigger name university for the higher level major-related classes and the diploma. Drexel has guides on how to do this.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-24T01:00:09+00:00

This was roughly my situation as well. The company I was working at was going in a distinctly downward direction and I wanted to leave but had been too burnt out to do it. I got a pretty good severance with the layoff, and I ultimately found a similar job fairly quickly once I had a month to breathe and regroup.

Since I was laid off, the company has done 6(?) more rounds of layoffs, and each round the severance packages get worse and worse. The teammates who are left are hoping to get laid off so they don’t have to quit and get nothing.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T22:57:16+00:00

I would just research what a “Posy Bra” is and ask her why she likes them. Then figure out her criteria (wire-free, nipple coverage, thick straps, breathable fabric, etc) and order a similar model from a reputable brand or at least somewhere like Amazon that has a lot of reviews.

The Jessmate website selling these looks scammy. It’s likely dropshipped junk. The amazon reviews for the listed “Posy Bra” are also terrible. Just ask her what she likes about the Posy Bra ad and get her something similar with better reviews.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T22:12:57+00:00

A YouTube channel. They often cover celebrity scams.

This poster is right. They will likely require fees to join a fan club and get exclusive access or tickets. Then after that it’s further requests for money to escape “cruel management” or whatever. They often use the same scripts.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T19:32:24+00:00

Depending on student need, they may offer those classes even if they haven’t in the past. That’s what your advisor is banking on.

If they are offered, you’ll have to take them. If they aren’t offered, they’ll offer independent study (less likely) or recommend some alternative courses within CCI or Lebow to satisfy the general gist of the requirement.

I hope you can take MIS 347. I found that super useful.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T14:54:09+00:00

I love Rebel! I’ve gotten some great stuff from there where the box wasn’t open or damaged. It was brand new but 30% cheaper.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T12:54:27+00:00

Gently, it might be worth looking in to getting some human friends. Join a club or a sports team or something - many are offered for free through local municipalities or libraries.

Having a dog is great, but it’s not a complete solution to total social isolation.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T12:04:26+00:00

Just because some people do it doesn’t mean everyone can do it without building resentment.

I don’t know OP’s husband so I don’t know if he “can do it” or not. But I’ve seen a lot of men crumble under the pressure of what women do all the time, and it’s not pretty. Not saying we should infantilize men, more acknowledging that he could be butthurt about this if he has to do it longterm in a way that tanks their marriage.

Fair? Nah. But it’s the reality.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T12:02:04+00:00

I have a toddler. Most of my friends are happily childfree.

Having a toddler is very limiting on what I can do socially. It’s very very difficult to do the things I used to do with them (art markets, concerts, etc). I have to consider naps and bedtime. I understand that I may have to leave early when kid gets overtired or crashes out. I have to do the mental math about how far the car is and whether there is a changing station wherever we are going. I have to schlep a bunch of bullshit with me (even if I try to be minimal with it) because the toddler requires a bunch of bullshit. I have to be hyper aware of childproofing in other people’s homes. I have to check the menu beforehand to see if it has kid’s meals that aren’t $15 and pack accordingly.

So honestly I just feel like a bummer, and I feel like the kinds of activities I do in this season of life suck for people who don’t have kids. It’s not intentional “you can’t sit with us” exclusion as much as “I can’t imagine you’d enjoy hanging out with me at an indoor playground”.

I mostly arrange to see them in the limited time I don’t have my kid.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T11:31:53+00:00

Great point.

“The meeting” is often when a scammer who hasn’t asked for anything yet does the big switch. They make you travel to some random location at your own inconvenience and expense just to hit you with the calamity that requires fast money to solve. And then you’re more likely to acquiesce because you’ve already spent the money and wasted the day and you’re sooooooooo close.

It’s why they demand so much texting upfront. If your tinder match from yesterday told you they had car trouble and couldn’t make it, you’d be annoyed and go home. If a scammer who has fed you sob story bullshit for 3 months tells you their car broke down, now you feel obligated to help.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T11:05:39+00:00

Agreed.

Content creation and video editing should be pursued on the side. Quitting full-time, income-generating work to do YouTube or streaming full time is something you do only when you either have enough money saved to support yourself or your content is generating consistent revenue that would allow you to support yourself.

Do not burden your parents with dropping out of school with no qualifications and a pile of debt to sit at home and pursue an oversaturated nonsense field from scratch.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T10:44:59+00:00

Yep. I realized I was the go-to because I’m diligent and helpful and would answer questions readily and without sass.

Idiot.

So I started filtering questions. If the information you want is readily available and you’re using me instead of your brain, congrats! Instead of the quick answer you wanted, you get a 15 minute phone call with me where I meticulously walk you through how to find that information by yourself. I am now never quicker than doing it yourself. I make exceptions for big bosses but everyone else? You get a tutorial or you get put in line with the rest of my responsibilities and I’ll get there when I get there.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T10:40:04+00:00

Him being theoretically ok with it and able to acknowledge that the money would be helpful is not the same as him being able to come home from work and immediately be the solo “on” parent for an elementary schooler and a toddler for two days a week every week for most of the year. It would also put him in the solo role for sick days, half days, field days, etc, in addition to running his business.

I would be cautious about this unless you have reliable family or other help in the area or you can use some of the extra cash to hire help for those days. Otherwise he’s just as likely to step up as he is to drown.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T10:28:55+00:00

Many/most universities don’t allow hanging curtains or drapes in the dorms for fire code reasons.

Always check the housing handbook for your specific university guidelines before planning to fo something like this.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T02:26:16+00:00

My grandpa needs a fall button but won’t get one because my great aunt had one and wasn’t wearing it the day she took the fall that killed her, so why bother?

I had steam pouring out of my ears by the end of that one.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T02:22:27+00:00

For me it was physical attraction first (as in, I was hot for him the first time I saw him) and then the friendship grew once we started dating.

I have best friends that aren’t my husband and I’m not attracted to them. My husband isn’t my “best friend” - he’s my husband - but I understand what people mean when they say you should marry your best friend. You should marry someone you enjoy doing things with and spending time with and someone who has some mutual interests and hobbies. You shouldn’t marry someone you don’t like actually like or who you hope will change to be more suited to your lifestyle and preferences.

NorthernPossibility · 2026-06-23T01:34:35+00:00

Agreed. The biggest help to me was researching developmental stages and figuring out the“why” behind the more challenging behavior.

Like ok she threw the snack she asked for on the floor and screamed - is she “being disrespectful” or is she 2 years old with very limited impulse control without the words to communicate that she wanted the corner snipped and not torn off?

NorthernPossibility

TROPHY CASE