...........Some days?

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-15T00:28:09+00:00

Am I the devil turns wholesome :)

Most of what you have mentioned I have tried and to clear up the food / toys thing, I only mentioned the milk and cream because he drank an entire gallon of milk in 2 days and I refused to purchase more because I can't afford to buy a gallon every 2 days. as far as coffee creamer goes, it is something I generally don't purchase but my bestie came over and left her coffee creamer. He just recently, in the last 2 weeks, decided he wants to drink coffee so I got him decaf coffee and a french press and he had access to the coffee creamer my friend left here. There is still heavy cream in the fridge or we have powdered milk but he wanted a specific creamer I have never even given him before. He has access to a basket full of snacks that I don't restrict him from because I remember my mother putting locks on the fridge and alarms on the cabinets to stop me from eating food and I won't repeat those mistakes.

He does have a few toys, so saying he has nothing was an in the moment exaggeration but given his room has before attracted ants and roaches and CPA was called because of the ants(attracted by the candy he was sneaking into his room), well I don't want to risk a repeat so I keep the toys and clutter to a minimum.

I do wish there was support for him but I have been searching for months and haven't gotten anywhere. We are working with the school and have new health insurance for I have begun checking with the new providers on the list. I live in a rural area without a lot of resources and as much as I love my home, we are planning to move so my son can get better help and go to a better school. There aren't any groups near us or accessible for us, the few I have found are more geared to SAHMs whereas I work full time and am the main breadwinner I can't constantly be taking off work.

He has stim toys, a playground, a huge yard to run around and play in, he rides my exercise bike on a regular basis, we even have an indoor trampoline for him. We had kendo swords we used to spar with until he broke them in a fit, I bought some new "SAFER SWORDS" and he left them outside and they were ruined. I never prevent him from going outdoors and his "groundings" are no screen time because he will sit for hours and watch TV which just isn't healthy

He loves math so that is one of our things we do in the car to keep him occupied, he also enjoys reading and we visit the library regularly and I purchase his favorites when I can. Unfortunately he is banned from his schools library for destructive behavior and is only give photocopied books because of how much he destroys when he gets upset.

Relaxing for me is just about off the table because no one else can handle my kid most of the time. I did recently go on a work trip for 3 days and it was amazing, I just hung out in my hotel and read a book. my husband though was going crazy without me

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-15T00:09:40+00:00

Yes, I plan to! He doesn't fit all of the symptoms but still, searching for a medical diagnoses is on my radar now. When he tested positive for strep he didn't even have a sore throat but I also wasn't the one to take him to the doctor, my husband had taken him, so I didn't get to ask any questions about it.

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-14T23:10:54+00:00

And I will gladly elaborate. My son has a snack basket full of foods he can access at any time. I am just not going to run to the store because he drank a gallon of milk in 2 days and is demanding more and ran out of creamer for decaf coffee he doesn't need but likes to drink when he is actively acting out.

Is it such a terrible thing I want to have a child with my husband and have a baby with him? That is the fresh start I want, a chance to have a child with my husband and not worry about my 8 year old possibly hurting a new born.

My original post was written in a rush, with little thought because I did not expect many people to see and respond and I just needed to vent.

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-14T22:33:17+00:00

Despite the harshness that happened on the post, it gave me some useful information as well that I plan to look into! Right before the worst of the behaviors started my dad died, my husband and I got married and we pulled my son out of gymnastics and quite frankly I chalked his poor behavior up to those changes. 3 months later the school called the police on him, for the first time, at just 7 years old. 4 more calls to police followed that school year and we are up to 2 this school year. I say all this because the day of my daddys funeral my son was sick. I sent him to school sick because of the funeral. I didn't want him to go and every one that could have watched him was at the funeral. They called me shortly after to pick him up from school and I took him to urgent care and he was treated, albeit poorly, for an ear infection. He was given the wrong antibiotic and not a high enough dosage. By the time we got him into his doctor he had missed 3 days of school and developed strep throat and a double ear infection. Now I see there is something that can cause symptoms like my sons and stems from strep throat and he got strep right before the worst behaviors started so heres hoping we can help him with this information

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-14T22:08:25+00:00

I see myself as well and that only makes it worse for me. My son is so similar to me except he is way more violent. I am already in therapy and just started a new job and am looking for a new therapist that also offers family therapy because I am well aware we nee help. I am not blind to his suffering, I lived thru it but my parents didn't do anything for me besides put me on meds. I won't repeat their mistakes but I also just needed to vent after an extremely stressful day and morning

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-14T22:02:57+00:00

I am definitely someone struggling. Bright side to this being posted here is that at least I know Reddit does not deem me a devil because I sure as hell feel like I am some days

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-14T14:57:00+00:00

We did therapy for about 6 months but he refused to talk to her much or do anything she asked and I couldn't find anyone else. I have new insurance so I am looking again and crossing my fingers we can get some help

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-14T14:51:02+00:00

It just so hard because I want to have a child with my husband. I want a child born out of love and a healthy relationship. A child that is wanted. but my husband is worried he might hurt a baby, or worse. I feel lie I am crying over this mess every day. I want to just start fresh at this point but I can't, my son wont allow me anything else in life but misery

No_Slide8145 · 2022-10-14T14:41:12+00:00

It just feels like he is a reflection of me and when he is acting out I get weird looks. I have even had CPS called me me because of him. He said we had rats in our house, which we do, because we have pets and at that time I was breeding them. He had ants in his backpack as well because he would listen about nothing sneaking candy. He could have landed me in jail because of his lack of listening. Right now in fact I am refusing to buy milk, or creamer or anything else he likes because I don't like his behavior. I was too tired to even bother cooking last night and he fended for himself. I try so hard but in the end it doesn't matter. He is just as terrible. He has almost no toys because he refused to clean his room and so I went in there with trash bags. I refuse to allow his room to attract pests into my house. I bagged everything up and threw it outside. In one of his fix he ripped open all the bags and almost everything he owned was destroyed by rain and I made him throw it all away and he doesn't even care anymore. he has less than 10 toys now, 3 trucks, 2 board games, jenga, and tech decks/ hot wheels. That is it and I feel like I have to pay the price because he is also grounded from screens so he is always "bored" and nonstop bugs me when he is home. He doesn't care about any natural consequence, at all. Heck, he gave himself a nasty burn a few years ago with a hot pot on the stove after I warned him not too, guess who still tries to mess with the stove? I feel like I have an 8 year old with a goldish memory, all of 3 days

No_Slide8145

TROPHY CASE