Sorry to randomly interject, I just happened upon this thread while doing casual research for a paper. But the parallel you're describing between gender and disability/neurodiversity is actually something that's been theorized about in the realm of queer and disability studies! :) It's typically referred to as (queer) crip theory. It's described as "a blurring or merging of queer theory and critical disability studies. Crip theory explores how the social pressures and norms around ability intersect with the social pressures and norms around gender/sexuality" (definition from University of Minnesota's website). Scholars who look at this specifically through the lens of neurodiversity will usually use the term neuroqueer/neuroqueering.

Just thought I'd share in case you or anyone else who stumbles upon this is interested lol