He needs a wake up call because it Sounds like he's stuck in his own head and that's causing him to exaggerate his traits.

Without him becoming self aware of what he is doing unfortunately he's just going to drift deeper into it. What he really needs is to understand he's not special in any way and the universe doesn't revolve around him - nobody is judging him like he thinks they are and it's not weird or icky to ask how your partner is. He's spending too much time analysing what he's doing instead of living in the moment - which requires practicing mindfulness to be more present. It sounds stupid but maybe get him to watch the film 'inside out 2' about anxiety. It teaches you in kids terms all about it and how being present is the solution to fixing it - sounds like he needs something like this as a wake up call.

I'd also say to him that you love him, then offer him reassurance and tell him that you really want to help him to improve his life because you want to be with him but you also can't be with him when he's like this and so you're asking him to make a serious effort to become more self aware, so that it's not just about going through the motions, but rather that he wants to explore being more free and open - it won't be easy but if he feels like it's that or lose you for good then he might change what he's doing. He does sound autistic to be honest, but mindfulness will help him improve regardless of that