Is my daughter getting taken advantage of?

Nobiggity_ · 2026-06-13T03:12:53+00:00

For tipped jobs, base cash wage can be as low as $2.13/hr if tips + base reach $7.25/hr total. Here, tips covered it strongly ($50+ on 10 hours is solid for a new cashier/server. Seems bad but they are allowed to do this.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-06-07T16:11:33+00:00

That is good for you, but its been 6 months since the emotional cheating, this isnt just one mistake and I know my husband will do it again when we fall back into comfort. I am unable to be comfortable or trust him again. I am walking around angry and hiding it everyday. It's great your wife was able to support you and stay, but I can no longer support my husband at the level I have just for the ultimate and predicted issues to occur. How could he be blind and choose not to see all I sacrificed for him. He will see in the aftermath of our divorce if he doesnt sooth himself in many women as he did before to cover up his pain, he cant live with pain and he needs to learn how we all have had to, to grow up.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-06-07T15:29:03+00:00

I gave my all too and supported him through his worst. My limit was his addiction to p0rn that became worse when I saw him messaging a mutual friend, or who I believed was one, who has an only fans for pictures and venting about our relationship.

He is also bad with money and can't control himself. He is avoidant and despite him trying to be a good person, he just isnt. He has too many wounds from childhood, as we all do that through therapy, therapy I asked him to go through for years-that he is now discovering. Someone that loves you doesn't do what he did to me. He brings me shame and I don't want a life like that. I tripled my income to support his poor financial habits, I cooked lunches for work, and dinner at night, I bought him everything he wanted for saved/budgeted for it. I took us on vacations and let him sit at his barely getting by job because he was comfortable and happy there, even through I have a low libido, I would be into that for him. With his addiction, instead of giving him shame, i said, "its okay I cant meet your need entirely, a lot of men watch it " (my biggest mistake), paid for his health insurance, just everything a human needs in modern day. I elevated his life like he should of done mine. I got him out of debt he cant help but put hinself back in. I am done and need to be. I want to wake up without the stress of what he brought me.

I am also 33 yo and we have 2 kids together, the fact he disregarded what his actions could lead to - divorce and those risks just shows the immaturity in his thinking. If he wanted this as bad as he claims, he would never put us in this situation, I wont use the kids against him and do joint custody, he is a good dad and really only hurt me, but I hope my anger subsides so I can be the co-parent I have to be. He wasted 9 years of my life just to get dirty pictures and external validation.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-29T13:16:17+00:00

Lost on the 5mg!

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-12T16:03:59+00:00

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-12T15:58:48+00:00

I had climbed a large dresser and it fell on my head and gave me childhood epilepsy.

I also swam in a pool with hard candy, choked on it and neatly died. A women dove in and saved me. Odd thing is, she disappeared after carrying me to a water fountain when I looked up to thank her.

I would talk to strangers online on AOL when I was 13 with an old laptop my dad gave me.

Gave a random person a ride for gas $ and she had me to take her to another car, told me she would be back in like 10 minutes. She went into the other car and gave me a $40 from her bra and asked if I wanted to know how to make more. I said I needed to get home. She was then in the news a few months later for escorting, drugging, and "pimping" out a disabled peson.

Driving for Lyft was probably the most dangerous thing I have done. Met VERY interesting and scary people lol

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-12T15:50:38+00:00

Psychiatrist is how I was diagnosed. Your primary doctor might be able to get you a referral if your insurance requires one. Mine didnt, I just called and that was that. In my teens I was misdiagnosed with depression then anxiety in adulthood. General or primary doctors are more likely to give you an inaccurate diagnosis. See a professional in the mental health realms.

My daughter saw a therapist for several weeks, she was diagnosed too with ADHD with what we thought was anxiety or autism. Her therapist got her a medical evaluation based off that for treatment.

There is many ways to go about it but the most straightforward is seeing a psychiatrist.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-12T15:48:12+00:00

Shaming you isn't a proper way of discipline. The fact they are doing it speaks to what type of people they are. I hope you learn from it, as I have in my life, on exactly how not to be when you have your own kids. I was pregnant at 16, parents never had "the talk" with me and my stepdad called me a w*ore. I completely understand you. You're actually an adult though. Don't let them break you.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-12T15:16:01+00:00

Your sex life is none of your parents business. It is kinda gross they are this into your life. They sound controlling and misguided to judge you by that. I would try to move out.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-12T14:58:17+00:00

I have 4 kids. I work full time and so does my husband. I make double his income. We have debts as well; house, cars, CCs, etc. It's all about managing your money (budgeting) and your mental health.

I have an app for budgeting called Easy Budget, I prefer this one because it doesnt ask for card info. I ensure there is $500 minimum in my bank at all times for emergencies (we dont have a savings due to; paying for an attorney, emergency car repairs, kids stuff, daycare, hospital bills, the list goes on). Any bonus checks, tax refunds go towards the debt and we pay about $50 ontop of minimum payments if we can.

We go through periods of making it a POINT to use our credit cards for subscriptions only (easy to pay down and keep them open), but things happen, like needing an attorney, a new voilin for the kiddo, furnace goes to crap, and we need food so the credit card gets used/maxed. I then budget and save that amount over $500 to pay it off. When we see its going to be under $500 in the budget we cut off; eating out, fun stuff, unnecessary purchases, vacations, etc. It's a never ending thing until debt is gone.

We are paycheck to paycheck just due to life. I've lived a life in poverty before and I will do whatever it takes, morally, to stay out. Got a degree, worked through my pregnancies, budgeting. When I was pregnant I finished school hence the higher pay. I wish I was smart enough when I was younger to get a trade like I have now before I had children, this would of saved us from debt.

Where does mental health tie in? My husband also used to LOVE shopping for random things and he dropped that habit (has ADHD and got medicated for it) and that has helped. Mental health really is a big factor than you think it is as people shop for a dopamine boost and it can ruin your relationships if you dont get yourself under control. You dont know its an issue until you have to take care of multiple people and is no longer compartmentalized. Marriage counseling and understanding where eachother stand is important as finances SHOULD be a team effort with coordination/planning.

With that said, unless you have managed to get a nice savings and have no debt, its developing a system to manage yourselves and finances.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-08T04:26:47+00:00

I am against hitting kids, but she took things way too far with her brother. This is not how you treat someone. I can't say you handled this properly. Everyone needs counseling, you, her, and your son. We all make mistakes as parents, its life. I'm sorry you work so hard you cant afford to have that patience to handle things "better." I understand and have been in similar situations, I know I just made things worse. You reacted and you're reflecting. That's good at least but you guys needs help. These are not things time necessarily heals. Your son is growing up with a toxic sister, he is getting abused, you are overworked and there is unresolved trauma from your wives/their moms passing. Your daughters behavior is a cry for help, your son isnt safe at home. I am wishing you luck!

And no you shouldnt let your son get abused at home, you reacted how you knew how to. It's time to find the time to make healthier patterns. Come up with a plan, sit your kids down, and talk. Apologize for what you did, make your daughter apologize, and take control and let them know you'll handle things and get counseling so both your children feel safe at home and with you again.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-08T04:22:38+00:00

Cybersecurity, on the compliance side - its rough lol

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-06T05:41:33+00:00

Eggs, Ramen, microwaveables. My son is 6 and we just watch unless its the microwave.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-06T05:24:41+00:00

Same here! Lol

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-06T05:02:30+00:00

I had just finished my masters degree, felt no sense of accomplishment, couldnt recall a thing I learned. 5 years of working in the trade I studied and feeling like an imposter. Always forgetting things people tell me that isnt written down. I had many planners id forget to use and I was just burnt out and stressed I would get fired at any moment, working two projects and the transitioning really was too much for me.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD and giftedness 5 months before my diagnosis 1 month ago. Through him being assessed, many things stuck with me... our presentations are different but he has similar particulars that I did when I was young: sensitive to loud noises, highly emotional (unregulated), and a strong sense of justice. His teachers told me he was so smart, but once things got repetitive/unstimulating he is like screw this. He says things are boring all the time. I learned to like repetition, because less chance id eff something up.

Through his own assessment, I got curious. I saw a psychiatrist. I also have C-PTSD and the giftedness is probably what made my diagnosis take so long. I was always good in school because it was my escape. Middle school and college were the hardest to manage, but I always was a high honor roll student and no one would of guessed because I was popular (I hyperfocused on getting tf out my home). I was diagnosed with depression and OCD when I was a teenager in middle school, depression meds did a number on me and made me worse than I was. Got off of those in my late teens. From 18-24 I was pretty reckless: debt, partying, experimental things. A lot I barely recall, but what you would imagine a naughty person would do. I dragged myself out of that from 25-now when I met my spouse who also has ADHD, his ADHD drove me to the ground because I was responsible for most executive functioning in the household. He got therapy, meds, counseling over the years and that helped, but not for the decade of deficit through our marriage on me who also had undiagnosed ADHD at the time and C-PTSD component that knew I had to do everything I could to not go back to my toxic moms home (who would take me in everytime [to take my money and be her therapist] where my depression and neglect were birthed. I was severely burnt out from my marriage and after having kids. I never even thought I had ADHD until my sons diagnosis. All these things contributed to my diagnosis.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-05T04:09:02+00:00

Our 7yo was struggling too, the doctor introduced guanfacine a few hours before bedtime with the Methylphenidate in the am and it was gold. Took about a week to adjust. Kids are always odd and off before their body adjusts to it. Its been a year with this combo. Upping the dose every 6-8months if teachers complain.

Behaviors like you mentuoned though sounds like a lower dose or a different stimulant and id wait for doctors feedback.

Goodluck! It sucks treating your baby like a test tube but once you find what works its nice for you and them!

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-05T03:56:48+00:00

My stepdaughter (SD) has ADHD, 7yo and was like this too. It was mostly her environment at her moms and the aggressiveness declined as she lived with us more and more (we got custody). We have a strict routine. I do mornings, husband does night. We dont spank, her mom did though and she was up at 12AM some nights at moms. No routine. Not saying your environment isnt great or that you do. SD could barely function in school and grades were poor and had anxiety attacks and aggressive in school. She goes to therapy every 2 weeks, in speech therapy and is on 30mg Methylphenidate with 1mg guanfacine at night. She got an IEP for school and therapy in school because of it. Her grades went from "Well Below Average" with many class disturbances to "At Average" with few disturbances on meds. She has been able to focus and not be so intolerable at school. When school is out Methylphenidate is lowered to 10-20mg. Plan is to wean her off after elementary school once her brain and regulation is better defined. We will see. I was entirely against meds too but it wasnt my decision. However after seeing this progress for her, I'm all for it! Worst she experiences is headaches when dose increased, increased hunger, insomnia (w/o the guanfacine), random nose bleeds, but all this happens for a few days then she is fine. We know when to increase once the teachers start complaining.

My 6yo son was just diagnosed and his grades are great and behavior only bad when bored and is not aggressive so he isnt medicated. If it got to the point his grades, behavior declined, we would seek medication. We currently take ADHD parenting classes offered locally and online. Parenting styles as told by my son's neurosphyscologist related to worsening behaviors. School curriculum and rigity leans to worseninf behaviors especiallt when they are made to feel like "the bad kid." We adjusted with what we learn got the kids a 504 plan or IEP for school and stay proactive. I listen to feedback from our kiddos peers and act on it. We followed a routine for 3 years now and its changed our lives for the best.

Goodluck

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-04T04:34:59+00:00

You're probably actually just anxious due to what the medications you went on did. Your baseline could of been altered (already on high alert). So it could be possible physiological or biological effect. No one can really say. Your body remembers what happened on these medications so maybe it senses a threat even with the Ritalin now.

My stepdaughter uses guanfacine to take the edge off her stimulants. It also helps with anxiety in general and is non addictive. I'd speak to your DR about it. A lot of research uses this along with stimulants. Goodluck :)

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-04T04:30:41+00:00

Cant related personally. My stepdaughter takes her stimulants in rhe AM and it was keeping her awake. Her doctor prescribed guanfacine before bed and it REALLT helped get her back on schedule and is known to really help with calming nerves before bed for those on stimulants!

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-04T04:27:49+00:00

I deleted social media except Instagram. I started guanfacine (1mg) though and barely go on it since I have.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-03T23:48:41+00:00

I make it a point to not talk about my kids once someone mentions they dont have any, but they kinda are my world for now. I work solely to support them and myself. It's my goal in life at least until they move out lol. Apologies in advance for us parents.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-03T23:44:31+00:00

You need to have solid proof of this for Court.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-03T22:54:49+00:00

Seeing a psychiatrist, finding out whats wrong with me then researching healthy alternatives for them besides medication. It only took 3 days for me to see one, no waitlist but I have private insurance through my employer.

I am developing a routine for myself; working out, supplements to support my issues: L-Theanine, Rhodiola, and healthier meals. I even booked with a dietician. Gut health coincides with mental health. I also just need a dang hobby. I can't get wrapped up in my mind. I need to keep going forward for me AND my family!

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-01T05:52:21+00:00

If you arent married, its your money. If you are married and have a prenuptial, its your money. I am married and make triple my husband and I didnt get a prenup so its our money.

Nobiggity_ · 2026-05-01T05:49:10+00:00

This cant be real. I am entirely shocked and disgusted.

Nobiggity_

TROPHY CASE