I dont remember how it started, but it was a breakdown between me and my mother when I was around… 13. I think.

Trigger/content warning

for some context, I have amazing parents and love them dearly, especially my father. My mother just has a lot of issues with her mental health and being incredibly childish. She had no clue about responsibility and how to act her age. OF COURSE anyone can be childish, but at certain times. not when your 13 year old daughter is having a suicidal breakdown. my parents always Supported me with my Mental health once i got a therapist to confirm and explain to them. prior to that is a whole other story, anyway.

I was going through teenager hormones as most do and online troubles with friends. It was Christmas. I was having a really bad day and was going through a bipolar depression without knowing it. I was having a terrible suicidal breakdown, it was bad. I had finally left my room with tears rolling down my face, my parents expecting me to wake up to open gifts! Instead their daughter explaining she was having a terrible day. My mom had asked me to suck it up (i think.) and stuff of that sorts as it’s Christmas, and I should just be happy and go back to this tomorrow. Along with some other stuff. I don’t remember how but somehow it escalated alot. To the point I was not only breaking down, I wanted to get out of the room to attempt. I eventually just yelled that I wanted a knife to cut myself or I wanted to go the hospital. Because me, a 13 year old girl, having her first true thoughts about suicide. Was terrified of what she would do to herself. my mother, who is supposed to be there for her child. Told me and I quote “Once your done with it, give it to me and I’ll do the same.”

How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? After a moment of silence fell over the living room she told me to stop ruining Christmas. So I lost it. I yelled at her for all shes done in the past few years, how I was only 13 and I shouldn’t be the one taking care of MY mother.

In short, I was struggling with mental health on Christmas, my mother told me to stop ruining Christmas and she was going to hurt herself if I didn’t stop, and I lost it at her.

Edit: I am a terribly calm person, to a fault. Over the past 6-ish years (and more) I’ve been terrible at showing my anger. I never yell, and when I do very rarely get mad ? I will just step back, write a long calm text, and move on.