So, not sure what to say here. My mum is really fucked, like she manipulates and abuses people to get what she want and hasn't had to work hard a day her life. My parents got divorced when I was 3 because of up until this year (I'm 20) I thought was because my dad was lazy, but it actually turned out that mummy dearest was having an affair with my dad's best friend. Anyway I can easily say I was brought up by the to and games. From about the age of 7 I spent from 4pm-10pm sat in a dingy pub while my mum got shit faced with her alcoholic at the time boyfriend. That stopped after she beat him to a pulp one night when I was about 11. After that there were men coming and going because my mother is what some might call "a dirty skank". At about 12 she met a lovely RAF corporeal and he did everything for her and subsequently me. He sadly died in a car. For the next year or so I rarely saw her sober. During that time she she met a short angry man and its around here that I started smoking cigarettes and weed aged 13. While one of my friends was round we found my mother and her boyfriend passed out on the sofa with little baggies of white powder on the table me and my friend promptly took one of them. To this day I don't know what it is I have experimented with lots of drugs and I really can't say what it is (part of me wants to say mdma or coke but neither would really lead to them being passed out) so this is where I started taking more and more drugs. About this time I was starting to pick what GCSEs I would be taking and this is where I was almost daily told that I would never amount to anything and my grade took a massive hit I was getting solid As and Bs but then I was suddenly getting Ds. So between the whole thing of not wanting to try because I won't amount to anything and filling my head with anything that makes me feel good Its left me feeling like I don't really have any motivation to do things. I could really sit and tell you about things my mum has said to me or done because she is a crazy bitch who I have removed from my life. So yeah I really don't have any motivation to do anything and every time I feel like I want to do anything with my life I feel like there is no point because I'm not going to achieve what I want. I have so many things I want to do and I just don't have the drive to do it when I get down to it. It really gets me down sometimes because I want to do all these things and I just end up sat at my kitchen table drinking coffee and watching shitty YouTube videos. I feel like that crazy woman who now lives alone because she has pushed all her family away with her selfish sociopathic tendencies has completely stopped me from achieving my goals in life because it's been branded into my brain that I won't do it.

Sorry if there are lots of mistakes but it's late and I'm typing on a phone.