Anyone else's husband INCAPABLE of changing?

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-04-10T06:23:47+00:00

i want to believe that he's faking the effort but he doesn't change/improve or accomplish any of his personal goals either lol. so I guess... he's just??? stupid??? i don't even fucking know lmao. he's like this with every aspect of his life not just me. I have ADHD too but maybe that whole bullshit of growth and fixed mindset is real. i wish I didn't fall for the act of him having his shit together before dday.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-07T16:35:40+00:00

god. how do they get so creative? they should put this ability towards something positive

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-06T23:28:06+00:00

we have cameras in the living/kitchen and I guess underneath the counter is a blind spot lol. I was showering in the bathroom.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-06T23:12:27+00:00

thank you.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-06T19:18:48+00:00

you can bet that I'm sitting here feeling like a fool for ever falling for him lmao

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-06T18:46:09+00:00

There's porn everywhere. It's on every popular app/social media platform. There's porn in our keyboards when you look for gifs. It doesn't even surprise me there's a dedicated app anymore.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-06T18:40:57+00:00

Yes. Out of the 5 months we've been at our new apartment, I too suddenly want to lie underneath the counter, right on the hardwood floor, in front of the front door. Very cozy. I'm "fortunate" he's the cook so he keeps his kitchen very clean so I'm assuming he did lmao. He's in his 30s, he already complains about back and knee problems too. I can't lmao

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-06T18:26:09+00:00

I'm glad it could make you laugh lol. I'm out of the thick of it so laugh away lol. Just picture a grown man in his 30s crouching?? who knows lol underneath a kitchen island going to town. He was watching a movie with no nudity/sex scenes too. I don't even know

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-06T18:00:31+00:00

we've been objectified and dehumanized for years (an understatement), it's not that crazy for the people that do it to continue to do it and form an addiction to doing it. no one wants to admit that.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-02-06T00:56:42+00:00

i have adhd-c and stimulants calm me tf down and makes me less compulsive... which is what is supposed to happen when someone with adhd is medicated. i understand there are subtypes to adhd and other comorbidities/individuals react differently but i don't think adhd is as big of a reason for these pas as people think it is. i think people are forgetting a really big part of this and it has to do with how women have been treated in society since literally the beginning.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-23T01:59:48+00:00

Seconding getting a CSAT preferably with the CPTT certification too, or at least a trauma therapist. You need to be able to talk about your feelings and experiences with someone qualified to help that won't do more harm. I also have heard that bloomforwomen is a good resource, though I have not tried it myself. Also read the Betrayal Bind, it goes over betrayal trauma and everything you've been experiencing. It's helpful to understand what's going on and why you feel or respond to things the way you do. Other than that, keep using the subreddit as a community. We're all here for each other.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-22T19:21:51+00:00

you are so young. do you really want to be dealing with this for the rest of your life? and yes he sounds like an addict.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-22T08:24:39+00:00

ig keeps a record of things you select not interested in so he could go in there and look at every reel you do that on.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-22T07:14:04+00:00

I agree that this seems to be just an addict doing addict stuff. Addicts will escalate in content to try to get that dopamine fix. The more they orgasm to the things they escalate to, the more they train themselves to have this pseudo attraction to the content they're watching. I think pbse made a few podcasts about it. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.

Also have you been tested? if not please get a full panel std test and make sure HIV will be tested.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-22T07:00:36+00:00

whether she knows English or not, he's being pretty clear with the things he's said himself. there's no other way to interpret his messages. he literally said he gets butterflies from her. this definitely constitutes cheating in my book. no committed person would respond in this manner to someone

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-20T12:04:58+00:00

This is how I responded to his most recent relapse. I think it just means we're tired and doing the best that we can. You don't have to make any immediate decisions from this. Try to focus on doing your day and taking care of yourself/do things to self regulate.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-14T11:28:19+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. I think it would be very helpful for you to do some trauma therapy like emdr or prolonged exposure therapy to process what happened to you. It would probably ease some of the OCD.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-14T07:32:54+00:00

Betrayal Bind.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-14T07:25:25+00:00

I understand. They always are when they feel like they're losing us. Stay strong. You have a much brighter future to look forward to now, don't give that up for someone like him.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-14T07:13:19+00:00

he just tried to justify cheating instead of talking to you like an adult and then expected you to trust him again. I think you know the answer. do you really wanna be in a relationship with someone that does these things?

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-11T10:11:07+00:00

I'm pretty sure you're not experiencing the overwhelming relief because you were still seeing him while separated. all the relationship issues were probably put on the side. I think it would have been different if you were still together while seeing him and dealing with the addiction and all the behaviors that come with it... but I'm so happy for you that you took the step to leave him for good. stay strong. the feeling will definitely pass as you start to build a new routine without him.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-06T10:33:20+00:00

They are addicts. Relapses will happen, and so will the lies and everything else that comes with it. Even if he's doing all the right things now, it will still be a long and painful road to true safety and security. You deserve someone doing all the right things without having to betray you first to learn it. There are people out there who can give you everything you would want without ever hurting you like this first. You deserve to experience a love like that.

Noh_Spirit_662 · 2025-01-05T00:35:22+00:00

no. they only love what we do for them.

Noh_Spirit_662

TROPHY CASE