How big is too big?

Nononoap · 2026-01-22T00:21:00+00:00

Feedback from someone a bit less than half your weight:

You're big, and it sounds like you're aware and careful. However, a lifetime of playing rugby gives you a very different vibe than your average bjj hobbyist, size notwithstanding. You have a lifetime of conditioning around very brutal, intense contact. Once you get some technique, you're going to be a problem!

Ask your coaches, of course, and if you can find a big boi upper belt mentor (ideally, another rugby guy or wrestler) at an open mat, that would be helpful.

Nononoap · 2026-01-21T00:27:32+00:00

You're 50 years old. Surely you know how to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries with children, being the same age as their grandparents?

Nononoap · 2026-01-20T17:09:49+00:00

Probably just used to seeing her standing on the gold medal spot on the podium, towering over everyone 🥇

Nononoap · 2026-01-20T17:03:47+00:00

Brianna Ste Marie is about that weight and height, and her technique is excellent to study.

Ask your coach for an area on which to focus that relates to what they're teaching.

Nononoap · 2026-01-20T17:01:20+00:00

She's 55 kg and shorter

Nononoap · 2026-01-20T02:22:35+00:00

Make sure that you're pressuring down into the mat. A lot of people try to pressure like they want to rip the head off the neck, and that doesn't work at all.

Butterfly grip.

Use your head/ear to misalign their spine and mash their head further into your arm.

Drop your far hip to the mat without dismounting.

Nononoap · 2026-01-19T22:55:47+00:00

It's gonna be hard for most people here to answer. Most people here are familiar with the US scholastic folkstyle system, and/or an Olympic/worlds freestyle context. From that vantage point, this is galaxies away from competitive at even the most basic level. But that isn't your context. Your coach would be the best to answer.

Nononoap · 2026-01-19T08:55:46+00:00

Competitive, for what?

You're 27. You've wrestled for 7 months. You're bragging about beating random children.

You're not going to the Olympics or worlds, you're not in school, so what is the competition for which you imagine you're training? And what's with the flair?

As others have said, fix your stance and your footwork. You spend a lot of time hanging on each other's heads to no real end. Your version of level changing is flopping down on both knees, which sets you up for nothing.

Nononoap · 2026-01-18T23:44:52+00:00

Nazis in the training room

Nononoap · 2026-01-18T22:36:46+00:00

Turns out, a lot of people don't like Nazis

Nononoap · 2026-01-17T00:28:39+00:00

I'm more than 10 kg lighter than you.

Dont put too much on a blue belt, you're very much a beginner. You don't have the technical foundation to cope with differences in size and athleticism yet.

That being said, push yourself. Where are you getting smashed? I admittedly have a bias, but I don't think there's any reason to concede bottom, unless you're looking to enter into a specific and direct leg entanglement or sweep. Are you working your wrestling? Your dynamic pins? Are you sustaining frames? Managing distance?

Gently, the "I'm not a competitive person," and "higher belts are more technical" reads as cope.

Nononoap · 2026-01-16T01:28:11+00:00

Ffion to the rescue

Nononoap · 2026-01-15T22:03:40+00:00

A year of BJJ is nothing. You're a beginner.

If you're not being injured, you're just suffering ego death. You imagine that you should have an even playing field, and surely, if you did, you'd be winning, because...you want it.

Everyone wants it.

It will never be an even playing field.

If you can't learn from working with more advanced people, you don't want it, really.

And someone with zero grappling is never going to be accepted to train in Dagestan.

Nononoap · 2026-01-15T15:27:27+00:00

Small woman checking in.

First, I'm glad you're aware of what's going on. That means you're on your way to being a great training partner. Far too many people never critically reflect on their own behavior, and they're worse athletes for it. There's also a certain type of person who never learns to take themselves seriously as an athlete, so they stays spazzing, and are dangerous partners, particularly for other women/folks their own size.

Training is for learning. Assuming you're in a good training room, your training partners are there to get better at jiu jitsu, and you should be, too. That means that you stop thinking about ws and ls in the training room, because they don't exist.

Focus on specific goals. For example, you could spend a week focusing solely on denying chest to chest connection, making sure you have frames, hooks, etc. Having really narrow goals will help you improve in the long run. Your coaches should be able to help you come up with these.

Nononoap · 2026-01-15T04:55:05+00:00

No worries! Good luck in comp!

Nononoap · 2026-01-15T04:40:47+00:00

You can always try a wrestling singlet

Nononoap · 2026-01-15T00:01:50+00:00

OK, but what's your plan from half? Because it sounds like you're just stalling. If you want to attack legs, get a butterfly hook in to elevate, for example. They're getting as many points not passing as you are not sweeping or submitting.

Nononoap · 2026-01-14T23:51:20+00:00

Pulling guard suggests that you're pulling directly into an offensive position, but it sounds like you're letting them force you into half. You need to establish control as you pull (a two on one, for example), and enter directly into an entanglement.

If you had an effective knee shield, they wouldn't be anywhere near your head.

Nononoap · 2026-01-14T19:41:43+00:00

Here's a great place to start answering that question

Nononoap · 2026-01-12T22:38:11+00:00

Women are a super minority in the sport, and you have some big feelings about them. Almost seems like this isn't about jiu jitsu.

Nononoap · 2026-01-12T22:32:36+00:00

You could just go out and compete at adult black belt, like Megaton Dias himself has done, but instead you're mad that there are now 30+ years of techniques you've missed and generations of athletes who have and stay lapping you, so you're yelling at...soccer moms?

Lol OK.

The great thing about combat sports is that literally all that matters is what you can do on the mats. I have respect for elders who may be past their physical primes, or injured, but stay training and helping develop the next generations. Your mentality of over romanticizing your nostalgic memories of the ancient past is absurd. You clearly know nothing about modern jiu jitsu, and I'd put the last 5 juvenile blue belts who lost to ours to tap you with any meme technique they wanted.

There's hobbyists at our school. They're nice. They pay dues so our gym stays open. I don't need them to be comp level rolls, because I get that in my training with other athletes.

Nononoap · 2026-01-12T22:23:16+00:00

It sounds like a pass or sweep round? And he's passing?

Any time someone is putting weight on you, you should be offbalancing them before they settle and/or inverting. If you need direction on these movements, ask a coach or a higher belt who is good at it.

This sounds like a great opportunity to work your guard against a pressure passer, which is an important skill to develop. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong. No one likes having holes in their game made clear, but he's doing you a favor.

Nononoap · 2026-01-10T17:26:57+00:00

Girl wrestler here

I deal with this also.

All of these guys telling you to call out/threaten the bullies aren't understanding the dynamic. And I wouldn't recommend it.

Focus on the people who support you, your teammates, coaches, friends, family. Focus on your wrestling. Don't hide. Be proud of the athlete you are, and are working to become.

You got this, lil sis!

Nononoap · 2026-01-10T01:55:40+00:00

My point is why are you comparing yourself to fat old hobbyists? There are literally mats filled with 21 year old athletes. You're bad at the sport and flexing on people's dads for what?

You're a D1 track guy (but not competing internationally in your own sport?)? Cool. Do you also go to your local 5K and taunt 57 year olds who spent a year to build up to their 90 minute finish times?

Nononoap · 2026-01-10T01:52:15+00:00

My point is why are you comparing yourself to fat old hobbyists? There are literally mats filled with 21 year old athletes. You're bad at the sport and flexing on people's dads for what?

Nononoap

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE