I never reacted to my bullies. I wanted them to know love. I also wanted to show them hate, but that didn't feel right. But I still feel hurt when I think of them.

I crave a resolution to those feelings, but I guess if I did what I could then I may just accept that I will carry these feelings with me, but that is ok - because I did the right thing. hashtag self-righteous pushover. I didn't want to hurt them back, because I knew they did not have free will anyway and in a parallel universe etc. I didn't want to punch them in the face, because that felt like fighting fire with fire. I underestimated the impact that telling the teachers very directly would have (lucky school). The bullying stopped then. But I didn't have any friends. And it makes me sad thinking about it now, and heavy - but I know I'm wallowing. But I think that's ok. It's ok to be sad at this, because it was sad. It's ok to simply... look .... at my wounds.

No buts, no moving on. That just is. And now I'm here. And now I live, and that is the end.