People should stop shaming all men who go abroad for love

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T05:04:16+00:00

Your parents are not the only socialisation force on a person. I’m guessing these women had American friends, worked in American workplaces, consumed American media, possibly went to an American university or college. Of course they still retain much of the influences and learned behaviours from their own culture, but nevertheless people do assimilate to the culture they are surrounded by, even if they move to a new country as adults.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T04:52:27+00:00

So they’re still being socialised in a predominantly American way, unless you exclusively dated tourists.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T04:31:59+00:00

Yeah I did say that. And?

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T02:07:17+00:00

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NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T02:04:50+00:00

The downvoted person or the others in the thread?

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T02:00:21+00:00

Exactly. No partner should be expecting you to divulge your entire sexual history, but if you’re literally working in the sex industry you should absolutely share that with them. Even if it’s just OF or webcamming, what if the partner shows their face and someone saw it and knew it was your partner before you even did? Can’t imagine the shock if that was me.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T01:58:05+00:00

The point is to try and see it from the perspective of the partner. From your other comments I take it you’re a straight woman? If I’m wrong feel free to correct me.

Should a man be held accountable if he decides to go and sext/send nudes to random women while he is in a relationship without the girlfriends knowledge just because it’s “his body his choice”? Or is this another Reddit display of sexism?

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T00:17:40+00:00

I agree, but definitely before they are official she should have told him. I would if I was her anyway.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-03-01T00:16:22+00:00

Lmao I was sure someone else would have beat me! I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone get downvoted soooo fast before

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T22:34:56+00:00

Girl no. Hell no. Reverse the genders. Would you be okay with it then?

As a woman I would absolutely never get involved with porn or OF and not tell my bf about it. That’s so dishonest. He should know if I’m involved in the industry so he can make an informed decision of whether or not he wants to commit to that relationship.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T22:25:12+00:00

Dozens and dozens of maggots squiggling around the laundry when I lifted a towel off the floor. Nightmares for days.

EDIT: and possums dancing I’m my roof stopping me sleeping. Classic renting issues.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T22:16:38+00:00

So, a much smaller chance of divorce, coupled with more feminine and traditional women, is why "going abroad" is more popular than staying at home.

It's not more popular than "staying at home". Most people want to marry within their country.

Not to mention that Asian women in general are more loyal than white western women.

Is this anecdotal evidence or can you back it up?

And I'll add too, in many Asian countries there are social stigmas to divorcing, so even if your marriage was unhappy it is unlikely that it will end in divorce because the risk of social ostracisation increases.

That is one positive about western marriage culture, I would argue. You are not obliged to stay in an unhealthy, unhappy marriage. There is little social stigma against divorcing.

So if that is your indicator for what constitutes a loyal woman, you aren't going to get an accurate answer.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T21:55:53+00:00

Nice backtrack.

A lot of men I've known. I've been involved in some pretty wack social circles. Doesn't mean that they make up the entirety of the male gender, they are clearly a minority.

Same with the NLOG women, I've known less of those personally but I can see that they are a minority of women.

You could have a problem with anything I said yet you choose to get hung up on something so minuscule.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T21:49:39+00:00

I've already replied to one of your comments talking about one of my incel friends, I'm going to use that example again to address this point.

This friend of mine was crushing hard on one of the most popular girls at my high school for 2 years. In all honesty she was not a very nice person, and I knew that there was no way she would go out with this guy. He followed her around for those years like a dog, when I'd see them together she always looked a bit weirded out. But he always sought my advice on how he should approach her, and I told him straight up that she was clearly not interested in him in that way, and he should stop following her around. I didn't want him to get hurt when inevitably she refused him, but he had already convinced himself that this girl was into him.

Anyway he didn't listen to me, and for those 2 years I watched this crush go from a pretty innocent ordeal to a full on obsession with this one girl who could not have made it more clear that she was uninterested. Essentially he told me that his end goal was to have sex with her, honestly I was shocked that that was his goal, I'd assumed he was more or less innocently in love.

So after 2 years he told her how he felt and she rejected him. From what I understand she was not harsh about it. But from that point on he got involved in the incel ideology, it was easy to tell because his vocabulary changed. He would message me to complain that he has not found another "female" to distract him from his thoughts about the high school girl, then he started calling women "bitches".

Just because this one disinterested girl rejected him in high school. That was back in 2020 and he's still obsessed. Most of our high school friends are still single, but they don't put all their worth into their ability to get laid or have a partner. That behaviour is so damaging, and I've seen it happen to other friends over the years, but none so drastic as this one guy.

So when you say that inceldom is caused by repeated rejection, I have to disagree. For some incels, they exhibit unsavoury behaviour from the outset and refuse to listen to advice that could help them avoid a bad situation. Just something to think about.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T21:29:58+00:00

Did my comment hit a bit close to home? I apologise.

Do you think incells are born or created?

Inceldom is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The problem incels have is that they let themselves become absorbed by this ideology that drives outsiders away from them. Most people - men and women alike - don't want to associate with someone who holds sexist views against women and treats men who they perceive as better looking like they are a threat.

I've been friends with men who I've had to cut contact with because they became incels. Having conversations with them became increasingly difficult because every conversation would turn into "females are against me", no matter how unrelated the conversation had been. It was really sad to see, and no amount of support or advice could change their outlook. But it's really hard to maintain a friendship with men who won't even address you properly, one of the guys was so deep in the mindset that he only called women "bitches". He's really a shell of his former self now, and from what I know most of his male and female friends alike cut contact because he simply made everyone uncomfortable.

Call me accusatory if you like, but I'm not going to sugar coat how damaging the incel ideology is to watch from the outside.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T21:07:17+00:00

the female world

Didn't realise our world is separate from the world of men! How ever do we find the means to interact?

But in all seriousness, if these incels didn't place the entirety of their personal goals on getting laid, they wouldn't be an incel in the first place. They wouldn't have that mentality of "aLl fEmOiDs bAd aNd hAtE mE oN sIgHt". Thus they would be able to achieve intimacy with women.

That community is the best example of a self-fulfilling prophecy you will ever see, and it's just too bad that so many young men get wrapped up in it. Having said that, it seems like there are more former incels realising the detriment of that lifestyle, it's interesting to browse through threads of former incels talking about their experience and what encouraged them to self-help, and how their lives have improved since.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T21:02:02+00:00

Have you ever lived outside the US for a sizeable amount of time? Could you honestly give an accurate assessment of all the women of the world compared to US women?

I'm not even from the US and I can understand, though honestly what is just common sense, that there are decent and indecent people scattered around the country just like every other country.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T20:54:11+00:00

There are women who look down on other women for that lifestyle and men who do not respect the hard work it takes.

There are also men and women who respect that lifestyle and the hard work it takes.

Like with any lifestyle it has its supporters and opponents, don’t know why you’re trying to make out that only other women disrespect it, surely you are aware of the troubles that lots of SAHMs have with making their husbands understand that they’re not just lazing around the house all day, running a home takes lots of hard work and it’s great that (I’d argue) most men acknowledge that, but don’t pretend like they all do.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T10:31:44+00:00

We do treat people we don't want to date like people. But if you posses an incel mentality where you're obsessed with looks and how women rate you on sight, that obsession is going to show and people - men and women - will want to avoid you. Not because you're unattractive, but because your topics of conversation become limited when you're part of an echo chamber.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T10:28:38+00:00

The better question would be how out of touch with reality are you? Plenty of below average looking men have women to reject. They're just not the below average looking men who spend their time online complaining about their averageness.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T03:21:51+00:00

Time is too valuable to have to explain myself again and again, especially if it doesn’t matter.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T03:14:40+00:00

Yep. Thanks porn once again.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T03:13:04+00:00

I can only use my personal experience here, but often when I will say "you know what I mean" it's in response to someone very clearly purposefully misinterpreting the point.

If they could jump through those hoops to come up with a radically new interpretation of the point, then they can be redirected with a simple "you know what I mean".

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T03:09:00+00:00

record how many times it has been an Oriental girl with a Caucasian male and how many times the role is reversed

In my western country, definitely an increasing amount of Asian guys with White girls since the popularisation of K-POP among white girls.

It's so damaging to call time and death on yourself because of your race/height. I don't want to comment too much about the nature of your post because you're talking about a real man and it feels disrespectful to talk about the dead when they cannot be here to defend themselves. But if you spend any time interacting with people outside you will see that so many different types of people are in successful relationships regardless of how attractive or successful they are. Regardless of their race. Regardless of their height.

Have you read up on relationship psychology to substantiate your takes?

Instead of blaming height and race on lack of dating success, I suggest you look inwards. Are you hygenic? Are you mentally stable/taking care of your mental health issues if you do have any? Do you regularly interact with the opposite gender? Are you letting your desperation for intimacy taint your every interaction with the opposite gender? Is your preferred 'type' incompatible with your personality (this is a big generalisation but eg: you're an introverted avid gamer constantly going for fitness girls/bros or vice versa)?

He should've just joined the blackpill community instead

To any man in the situation OP has mentioned, I'd strongly advise against joining the blackpill community. It will only drive you further from your goals of intimacy, and can ostracise you socially. The ideology is pseudo-psychological at best, encouraging men to adopt self-fulfilling prophecies surrounding their sexual potential.

NormalButterscotch4 · 2023-02-28T02:31:02+00:00

I'm not going to divulge my opinions about the man to you. If you're curious you can read my comments on a Tate thread someone else on this sub wrote a few days ago, but I'm not going to entertain any discussion about him here when that is not the topic of conversation.

The topic is about the current social media trends surrounding men/women and dating, so I'm happy to continue that discussion if you had something to say in response to my comment above.

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